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Original poster

New baby sex and gender

139 replies

Iliketoparrty · 29/12/2015 18:13

My SIL is pregnant and texted folk yesterday about finding out the sex of the baby.

Text said something like - SIL and DH are expecting a male child in ...2016.

So DH texted back congratulations on having a baby boy ... Etc. MIL also phoned them to congratulate them as it will be the first grandchild for MIL.

SIL responded we don't know if baby is a boy, need to wait and see. Baby sex isnt important, it doesnt mean anything. Hopefully its a girl. This was also reiterated to MIL and other family.

MIL has been on the phone asking DH (he is a doctor) what does that mean, is the baby ok? DH tried to explain the sex/gender difference but MIL is still worried.

In the last hour we have had 4 family members phone us about this as they don't want to call SIL in case she gets upset.

Aibu to think there was no need to tell folk about the sex of the baby if she doesn't think its important?

OP posts:
MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 29/12/2015 18:41

When I read these baffling posts and then see everyone else is confused too I feel such relief; I can stop worrying I've lost the plot then.

HackerFucker22 · 29/12/2015 18:42

Do you have a link about this couple Hair

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 29/12/2015 18:42

Could be either:

'we don't know if baby is a boy (because scans are not 100% certain), need to wait and see. Baby sex isnt important, it doesnt mean anything. Hopefully its a girl.' - which sounds like gender disappointment

or:

'we don't know if baby is a boy (because assigned sex is not the same as true genderfeels), need to wait and see. Baby sex isnt important, it doesnt mean anything. Hopefully its a girl.' - which sounds like gendercool fucked-uppedness. Who on earth would wish being trans, with all that it entails, on anyone, let alone their own child?

WyrdByrd · 29/12/2015 18:43

Was 'male' a typo perhaps Confused.

I couldn't care less if anyone grows up to identify as male, female or a lesser spotted alien form the planet Zarg, but surely in general the expectation at this stage is that a male child will ultimately be a boy and a female child a girl?

Your SIL sounds utterly barking.

velourvoyageur · 29/12/2015 18:45

to me gender only exists as a construct, so I would rather try to deconstruct that than give it a platform....I think everyone's falling over themselves to be sensitive and they don't realise they're completely reinforcing these limiting ideas about gender roles.
Sex is the only thing that matters to me, and even then it hardly matters.
I am a woman because I have a vagina, not because I feel one way or another.

PlaysWellWithOthers · 29/12/2015 18:45

If they are having a male baby, it will have a dick. Males have dicks. If they are saying that they don't know the sex of the baby, they are being dicks.

Iggi999 · 29/12/2015 18:46

I didn't think being a "boy" or "girl" referred to gender - surely they are the correct terms for a "male child" etc, and refer to biological sex?
It's masculine and feminine that relate to gender, I always thought.
Perhaps she just started into the gin early.

Youarentkiddingme · 29/12/2015 18:46

She's clearly being a bit attention seeking and bonkers gender PC.

It never occurred to me when I found out DS was a boy/male/ had a penis to tell people he may be homosexual/heterosexual/transgender. I think loving your children whatever is a given and you identify them to their sex until they indicate otherwise.

HamaTime · 29/12/2015 18:47

Was 'male' a typo perhaps

Maybe. It could be an autocorrect. Have a look for threads that say 'We had our scan today and when we texted to say we were having a baby lots of people replied saying congrats on your baby BOY!! FFS, it is MILs first grandchild but surely people still don't expect the eldest to be a boy. Incidentally we don't know what we are having but I'm hoping for a girl'

Either that or they are twats who deny biological reality and put inordinate emphasis on a bunch of indefinable feels.

RiverTam · 29/12/2015 18:47

The baby will be a boy as a boy is a young male. If she wants to bring her child up in as much of a gender-neutral environment as possible then hats off to her, but what she appears to be saying sums up, imo, exactly why so much thinking on this issue is so muddled. (ie she's saying she doesn't buy into gender sterotyping whilst doing exactly that)

peppielillyan · 29/12/2015 18:47

the sex is refered to male / female (from the biological point of view)
however gender identity is different from the sex, ie how you describe yourself....
Look at kim kardashian's father to spot the difference.
And the OP's SIL sounds weird...

HackerFucker22 · 29/12/2015 18:49

I know gender neutral couple who have a child at DS's nursery (boy called fucking Jack but with a more "gender neutral" spelling. Ie Jac

They don't seem to be doing anything other than using it as an excuse to moan... how comes their DC did a picture without feathers and glitter (urm he preferred buttons and dried pasta when the staff laid out all the craft items). How comes he has to share the Elsa outfit (urm because all the kids share all the outfits). How comes he has been asked not to wear his sparkly shoes (urm because all the kids are asked not to wear sparkly shoes)

It's tedious and I actively avoid the mother as it is all she bleats on about.

mintoil · 29/12/2015 18:50

I really hope this is the start of things to come and OP will have further tales of Pregzilla type behaviour over the coming months Grin

HackerFucker22 · 29/12/2015 18:50

Jac also refers to himself as "it" (as do his parents) which I find horrible!!

nooka · 29/12/2015 18:51

I guess this is the future for people who read and believe the more radical/weird pro-trans literature.

I'm all for not over emphasizing the gender divide. The easiest way of doing that is to not find out the baby's sex (ie not focusings on the baby's genitalia on the scan) or not to tell everyone. One way to reduce the pink/blue purchasing that so many seem to think is absolutely essential.

But to tell everyone that you are having a male baby (in other words a boy) and then also tell them that they shouldn't refer to them as a boy is really really silly.

Also slightly disturbing to say that you hope that your male sexed baby is in fact a girl. Having gender dysmorphia is really really not something to wish on anyone. Essentially she is saying: I hope my child is deeply unhappy about something fundamental to their body.

In practice I don't think she thinks that at all, she's just bought into the non nonsensical belief that your sex is imaterial/doesn't matter and gender identity is all. But she seems to have forgotten that she has also bought into the normal (but not very healthy either) societal belief that the most important thing everyone wants to know about the baby is that it is male/female.

OP I don't think I'd go on wrangling calls for your SIL, why not just say that you've no idea what she's on about either? That what she is saying makes no sense, but that anyone who wants to buy gifts or cards should probably stick to gender neutral stuff for now.

BeyondJinglebells · 29/12/2015 18:53

Puts me in mind of queen elizabeths birth from blackadder.
A girl with a winkle? Gods be praised, its a miracle.

nooka · 29/12/2015 18:54

Or what PlenyofPubeGardens said much more succinctly downthread!

PitPatKitKat · 29/12/2015 19:03

Is she winding your MIL and FIL up for a laugh?

GoApeShit · 29/12/2015 19:15

Sounds like she's going to be a complete nightmare when the baby arrives. Confused

Youarentkiddingme · 29/12/2015 19:19

Ive just read hairs links. Correct me if I'm wrong but what I took from it is that the parents have 2 sons, they aren't assigning them to a gender despite their sex. The third son they are doing the same as well except no one is allowed to know his sex?
But, and here's the bit I'm struggling with, they are growing the hair long and putting it in pig tails 'to prove' sex doesn't define gender. So technically they are saying that girls usually have long hair Confused
Fwiw my DNephew has long blonde locks just past his shoulders. His hair shape and the way it sits of his head means this is the best style for him - and it's gorgeous. But that's just because he hair grew that way and nothing to do with gender or sex or gender neutrality.

confusedbumbo · 29/12/2015 19:21

The fuck?! I don't understand this at all. They're having a boy but they hope it's a girl?!

Kaytee1987 · 29/12/2015 19:30

This thread gave me a headache. Your sil is mental Confused

Aeroflotgirl · 29/12/2015 19:36

Blooming barking, your SIL

splendide · 29/12/2015 19:37

Are you sure they're not joking?

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