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AIBU?

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Original poster

New baby sex and gender

139 replies

Iliketoparrty · 29/12/2015 18:13

My SIL is pregnant and texted folk yesterday about finding out the sex of the baby.

Text said something like - SIL and DH are expecting a male child in ...2016.

So DH texted back congratulations on having a baby boy ... Etc. MIL also phoned them to congratulate them as it will be the first grandchild for MIL.

SIL responded we don't know if baby is a boy, need to wait and see. Baby sex isnt important, it doesnt mean anything. Hopefully its a girl. This was also reiterated to MIL and other family.

MIL has been on the phone asking DH (he is a doctor) what does that mean, is the baby ok? DH tried to explain the sex/gender difference but MIL is still worried.

In the last hour we have had 4 family members phone us about this as they don't want to call SIL in case she gets upset.

Aibu to think there was no need to tell folk about the sex of the baby if she doesn't think its important?

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 30/12/2015 09:07

Your SIL does indeed sound like she needs some help (is she your DH's sister?).

Though my SIL had ante natal depression she was so upset about having a boy, but the minute he was born she fell completely in love and everything was fine ( we were quite worried).

Strangertides1 · 30/12/2015 09:43

From your post my first thought was that sil slipped up and told people it was a boy but then decided she didn't what people to know, hence then saying it might be a girl.

FlowersAndShit · 30/12/2015 10:24

People like your SIL have no business having children when they have such damaging views. That poor little boy will likely end up with MH issues and spend years as an adult having therapy. I'm pretty damaged myself but i'd like to think I have some insight into my issues and how to not let them affect any children I may have.

SleepyRoo · 30/12/2015 10:27

Sounds excessively controlling. Mixed with disappointment, as others have pointed out.

Crochetfanatic · 30/12/2015 11:20

Oh this is very sad :( I hope she gets the help she needs.

MiaowTheCat · 30/12/2015 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kaytee1987 · 30/12/2015 14:11

After reading more it seems she has some mental health issues which is very sad. I hope she gets the support she needs before baby arrives.

AnnaBegins · 30/12/2015 17:06

Gosh this is very sad for all concerned. I knew a little boy at school whose mum wanted him to be a girl, so she made him grow his hair long and play with dolls etc, very sad. He cut his hair at secondary school and was much happier. I do hope this doesn't happen here.

To the PP who said gender disappointment seems to be only with boys, I had a friend who was actually desperate for a boy. She had 3 beautiful girls but had also had several miscarriages, some late, and grieved most over the ones who were boys, and never stopped trying for a boy. Her poor girls must have felt second best as she was open about it. We lost touch a couple of years ago but I hope she got her boy as her poor girls needed their mum back.

Original poster
Iliketoparrty · 01/01/2016 21:18

DH and I spent the day with SIL. Our visit allowed DH to speak to SIL about the baby.

In DH's family every first born child has been a boy followed by a girl. This is true for several generations.

SIL told us that she had a MC about 5 years ago, which SIL was sure was a boy. She thinks of this baby as her first and to follow family traditions her second should be a girl. In her mind having a boy instead of a girl now is somehow making it as if her first baby didn't count. If that makes sense.

No one not even BIL knew about the MC (BIL wasn't the father). So when MIL found out about the baby she mentioned the family connection with having boys first. Which made SIL feel as though the MC ment nothing.

BIL and SIL will be going to see their midwife next week to see about counseling for SIL.

How SIL is feeling about the baby makes more sense and DH and I feel awful about not knowing about the MC.

OP posts:
Cliffdiver · 01/01/2016 21:50

Goodness, your poor SIL, it all sounds so sad Sad

Hopefully she will accept some kind of support/therapy.

SevenSeconds · 02/01/2016 08:33

Thank you for updating the thread OP. I hope your SIL gets the help she needs.

Enjolrass · 02/01/2016 08:46

I am glad they realise she needs some support.

Hopefully it will make her see that just because the boy has been first in many generations, it's doesn't make it true in her case and help her come to terms with her mc.

Her first pregnancy of course is incredibly important and the sex or gender of this baby doesn't mean her first wasn't real.

I really hope she gets the help she needs. I had a miscarriage at 18. No one knows. I didn't want to deal with telling everyone and having everyone feel sorry for me. It took a long time to come to terms with. I will be thinking of herThanks

TheNewStatesman · 02/01/2016 09:42

"stop spending so much time on Tumblr"

I am going to save this remark to use next time I meet a social justice warrior, thanks!

EndothermicVertebrate · 03/01/2016 09:58

I'm glad you've started to get to the bottom of the problem and your SIL will be getting the help she needs.

Obviously a very sad situation but at least there seems to be a rationale behind her feelings that can be worked on.

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