Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he is sneaky

185 replies

Leafitout · 28/12/2015 16:19

Long background but will give the facts. Ds father is only allowed through the courts to have indirect contact only with him. Once a month email contact. I have just seen that ds father has added ds into an Internet group without my knowledge or permission. I'm a bit miffed that ds hasn't mentioned it to me! As sometimes he comes and shows me emails. I found out by chance when using his iPad to look at something. I'm not amused that ds father has done this. As what other sneaky things is he doing to get round the indirect monthly contact! I teach ds about Internet safety and to only have his family and school friends as contacts to keep himself safe.

OP posts:
rumbleinthrjungle · 30/12/2015 14:10

Have you reported his breach of the court order to police or social services? You need to have it on evidenced record that you responded to this as soon as you were aware of it and are not in any way 'colluding' with ex. Particularly if you are going to have to go through the farce of another court process.

AnyFucker · 30/12/2015 14:13

Don't panic. Speak to your solicitor on Monday. Nothing can come of this.

AnyFucker · 30/12/2015 14:14

Are you still thinking there is no point in reporting him to the police for coercion of a minor ?

Original poster
Leafitout · 30/12/2015 14:14

I did telephone my solicitor but they are closed until Monday. They are the people to deal with the breach of which on Monday I will be telling them. I feel like he is trying to mess with me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Leafitout · 30/12/2015 14:20

To top it all he states that I am not complying with the contact order!!
I don't think reporting it to the police will help. Because I'm absolutely sure that my solicitor will see it as a breach and they are best to bring this up.

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 30/12/2015 14:20

That's EXACTLY what he's doing. Easier said than done, but try not to let him worry you about it.

He has email contact once a month, how the hell would he even know if you were harming him!

Fannyupcrutch · 30/12/2015 14:25

Yes he is trying to mess with you and all this time you should have called the POLICE. Had you done, he would have likely been arrested by now and before you knew about the court case. Now it could look very much like you are reporting this breach ( that you have known about for days) late simply because of him taking you to court. Call 101, ask for your neighbourhood police team to send you a child protection officer out ASAP.

I really do not understand why you are dithering over this and waiting for a solicitor ? I would have been on the phone the second I realised it.....and yes, I know about abusive psychopathic exes. I have one that now has multiple convictions for violence and sex crimes but I would do ANYTHING to protect my 4 children from him. I also have PTSD and am a victim of abuse but my childrens safety comes first. Please, find the strength to do what is right and make the call.

Original poster
Leafitout · 30/12/2015 14:33

Why a child protection officer? I don't abuse ds. He has breached the child contact order which is a civil matter for the courts.

OP posts:
ImtheChristmasCarcass · 30/12/2015 14:41

He's messing with your head. Remember that a person can file a lawsuit for anything, they do it all the time. That's why there are frivolous lawsuit laws. Just because he filed something doesn't mean that the courts will see any merit in it, especially with his history.

It's all designed to get to you. You know you're a good parent. You know you aren't 'emotionally abusing' your child. See your solicitor as soon as you can. In the meanwhile, try to relax. This is just a bump in the road.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 30/12/2015 14:52

Fanny there is no power of arrest on the contact order. What do you think the Police can do?

Original poster
Leafitout · 30/12/2015 15:13

He is making me anxious as to what is going through his mind. He clearly is still an angry person towards me. This is like he is harassing me emotionally and I'm scared for our safety. If the court doesn't go his way then what next?

OP posts:
knobblyknee · 30/12/2015 15:24

Please listen -
He is known to the court system to be violent.
He has breached the court order restricting contact.

This is what you need to get him out of your life. He has broken the rules.

Call the police, do it now.

Original poster
Leafitout · 30/12/2015 15:27

I don't mean to sound silly or coming over that I am not taking on board the advice in calling the police. But what can they do about it?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/12/2015 15:46

Leaf, why don't you ring them and ask them ? Is there any harm in asking the question ?

Please do not let this episode spoil the rest of your festive season. This is exactly what your ex wants. Nothing will come of this. Nobody cares what he thinks. So he found a solicitor who is money-grubbing enough to take him on (no offence to all solicitors)? More fool both of them but moslty him because fools are easily parted from their money/

Original poster
Leafitout · 30/12/2015 15:58

He doesnt have legal representation as he likes to represent himself. That way he gets to question me and I have to respond. In the past in the court room he has called me names, sworn at me and then went on to take the piss out of my solicitor by saying to her " oh what's the matter, are you getting stressed". This is why I do not relish having anything to do with this prick what so ever.
Funny thing is he doesn't pay a penny towards ds and is the typical child maintenance avoider. But he has the money to launch court proceedings! He isn't doing this in ds interests at all!
Anyfucker I think speaking with solicitor on Monday will point me on how to go. The police will think I'm some neurotic women

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/12/2015 16:00

Who is the letter from then ?

the Family Court ?

With his history, they will throw it out.

AyeAmarok · 30/12/2015 16:07

In the past in the court room he has called me names, sworn at me and then went on to take the piss out of my solicitor by saying to her " oh what's the matter, are you getting stressed".

Shock

OP just call the police and ask. Say your not sure what part of the law it comes under (criminal or civil) but you just need to make sure because of the history of abuse/restraining orders etc. Please just ask the question.

kickassangel · 30/12/2015 16:07

Leaf - can you just clarify something?

There is a court order in place regarding child contact which restricts him to a maximum of one email per month. Have I got that right?

Also - is there a non-molestation order in place? If so, what does that say?

So - him emailing more than once a month is breaking the court order, which is a civil matter. But what does the non-mol. order say? Because some of those can make ANY form of contact (sending you court papers, adding your son to a forum, even just standing in a place where it is likely that you could be) is breaking the law and a police matter.

AyeAmarok · 30/12/2015 16:08

You're*

Original poster
Leafitout · 30/12/2015 16:31

The court papers are from the family court. And has a very very long history spanning Eleven years!!
Yes just one email a month from him to ds. Then ds must respond to it by court order. However the father then responds to ds response and tries to get a conversation flowing. There has been times when ds hasn't responded straight away. But I always say to him make sure your reply to the once a month email. The non mol says he is not to contact me by any means what so ever. However this does not restrict him from contacting my solicitor should he need to. He is not to speak to me or come to our home. Or incite others to do so. He is not to harass or course distress to me.

OP posts:
kickassangel · 30/12/2015 16:46

So - when he tries to get a conversation going with your DS then that should be reported to a solicitor as it's breaking the contact order. If you lodge it with your solicitor then there's someone with legal experience getting the big picture of how often this happens etc.

The court papers - would that count as him inciting someone to contact you? Should they have gone via your solicitor? Because that could be seen as breaking the non-mol. order and is therefore a criminal matter.

I think you need to draw up a list of each and every time he's stepped over the line, then go to your solicitor and see what they can do about it.

But he definitely sounds like he's trying to up the amount of contact and get your son involved with him while making you unsettled.

If you can - get all your info together, bundle it up with the papers he sent to you, then put them somewhere out of sight until you can talk to your solicitor. And try to put them out of mind as well.

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 30/12/2015 17:35

Talk to your solicitor ASAP. The only thing I can see that would be good about reporting to the police is a paper trail documenting the incidents and that it shows that you consider the incidents to be harassment even if the police can't actually do anything about them now.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 30/12/2015 18:38

I wonder if I'm the only one who believes the delivery of these papers at a time when solicitors are shut is no coincidence??

Given his record it's hard to believe he could be stupid enough to risk a hearing which will hopefully result in contact being ended completely, but sadly the urge to cause trouble seems to be the only driving force

FWIW I don't think his waiting to do this until DS is 12 is a coincidence either. Prising a young child away from his mother's side is no easy matter, so maybe he's hoping to step up influence with the boy himself as he grows old enough to start making his own choices? As everyone else has said, the sooner ALL contact ends the better it will be for everyone

AnyFucker · 30/12/2015 19:09

yep, very convenient timing for him

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 30/12/2015 19:22

So how many applications has he made over the years? Has your Solicitor discussed a section 91(14) order with you? It's an order barring him from making further applications without the permission of a Judge.

What has he applied for this time?

Swipe left for the next trending thread