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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think £30 each is stingy?

262 replies

Lightbulbon · 25/12/2015 19:32

DF came for Xmas dinner.

Brought a card for all of us (no separate cards for dcs) with £150 in it. There are 5 of us so that's £30 each.

He ate our 'naice' food and drank our wine/prosecco and has now left to meet his friends in the pub.

He has an income of at least £2k pcm and has had a massive amount of financial help from us recently.

Aibu to think that £30 each plus a few cheap chocs (think celebrations) is a bit shit?

(Plus he spelt dp's easy to spell name wrong on the card)

Other people's DFs/GPs aren't like this are they?

It just makes me sad tbh.

OP posts:
Iamnotloobrushphobic · 26/12/2015 08:54

The money is the symbolism of the OPs missing out on a caring father, not the amount, she's just posted too soon after the event to explain that.

But money doesn't replace caring and love so the OP should just be pleased that her father came and spent time with them if she was really bothered about missing out on a caring father as his time would be far more important than his money. I think the OP is just very money orientated and it really is about the amount of cash her father decided to gift.

ginorwine · 26/12/2015 08:54

Op it sounds to me that you are hurt and angry about other things .
Then add christmas to the mix it can intensify .
If this is the case then it can make seemingly trivial things v painful .

Flashbangandgone · 26/12/2015 08:59

Going against th grain here, but I think the OP has more of an issue with the lack of thought provided by her father than th £150. I'd hazard a guess that if he'd bought 5 £30 presents this wouldn't be an issue. If my parents rocked up and handed us an envelope with cash in instead of presents (for their grandchildren - don't really care about myself) I would be dissapointed as it is rather thoughtless.

FlatOnTheHill · 26/12/2015 08:59

You sound charming.

Mominatrix · 26/12/2015 09:00

Frankly, I am shocked by the attitude of the OP. I suggest that the next time you help your father you send him a bill with an acceptable amount of compensation for your time. Perhaps it is a difference of culture (I think not), but I would think it my duty to help out my parents if they needed help and I could be of assistance - they raised me and I am thankful for all the things they did for me during the 21 years I was under their roof.

£150 is a generous present. To put it into perspective for you - it is more than a third of your father's disposable income for the week. I cannot believe that you actually took the amount and divided it to a pp sum! My parents have many multiples of the amount your father has to spend per month yet send "only" chocolates to us for Christmas. I am happy about these, as are my children and I certainly don't expect any more. Have you not heard the phrase "it is the thought that counts"?

I really don't care about any backstory, of which it appears that their is quite a long one. The simple facts are that you are being vile and grabby.

Get a grip and some perspective!

Sameshitdiffname · 26/12/2015 09:00

You sound vile

Flashbangandgone · 26/12/2015 09:01

Ps it depends of age of grandchildren. If primary school age then I'd expect gps to take trouble of getting a present(s)... Secondary age (or thereabouts), cash or vouchers are ok.

needygonzales · 26/12/2015 09:01

£150 would make a huge difference in my life now, I am barely affording to make ends meet. He came to see you to spend the day with you and your kids and THAT is what Christmas is about. The fact he got you ANYTHING is an added bonus. YABVU and ungrateful.

Lweji · 26/12/2015 09:04

cash in instead of presents (for their grandchildren - don't really care about myself)

But the OP does care about the money. Read the OP (and even the updates).
She is not dividing it by her children, but by five. Comparing with what he ate at her house.
And she has very high expectations of 1000s of cards all round. For people who are with you and to whom you can wish happy Christmas directly.

Lweji · 26/12/2015 09:05

The OP has also not posted yet what thoughtful and generous gift she gave her dad.

Figgygal · 26/12/2015 09:06

how much is acceptable? Didn't seem far off what we spent this year either.

MamaLazarou · 26/12/2015 09:15

£2k a month is not an enormous income. YABU, you sound horrible. If you dont want to accept it, give it back or donate it to charity.

Birdsgottafly · 26/12/2015 09:21

It's the impersonal nature of handing something over that you have in abundance, that has got to the OP.

She wanted him to give a shit enough to put himself out, even if it was just card buying.

I've often seen these Men and they are always Men, who talk about going to their DDs on Christmas, as though the invitation came because it was deserved, but they omit that they haven't put themselves out or joined in, in any real way, what so ever.

As the OP says and I see a lot, he'll throw more money at his cronies in the pub than he gave to his supposed closest relatives.

Shutthatdoor · 26/12/2015 09:24

I've often seen these Men and they are always Men, who talk about going to their DDs on Christmas, as though the invitation came because it was deserved, but they omit that they haven't put themselves out or joined in, in any real way, what so ever.

Nothing like a sweeping generalisation is there!

OP hasn't said what they got their dad if anything

Sameshitdiffname · 26/12/2015 09:27

Birds incase you haven't noticed most posts similar to these are about MiLs actually.

I wouldnt have gave you a penny OP because of your attitude whether you were family or not

Flashbangandgone · 26/12/2015 09:35

My parents have many multiples of the amount your father has to spend per month yet send "only" chocolates to us for Christmas. I am happy about these, as are my children and I certainly don't expect any more. Have you not heard the phrase "it is the thought that counts"?

If my rich parents bought us and the kids a box of chocs I don't think that counts as being thoughtful! I agree Christmas is not about the quality and quantity of presents, and it's depressing when it's reduced to that, but there's a lot of hairshirt stuff about just being grateful they're alive etc. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect close relatives to give some proper thought on their family... Nothing excessive, just more than a trip to a cashpoint 5 minutes before they show up.

Flashbangandgone · 26/12/2015 09:57

He came to see you to spend the day with you and your kids and THAT is what Christmas is about. The fact he got you ANYTHING is an added bonus.

I disagree.... for a parent/grandparent to turn up on Christmas Day expecting their presence to be all that is required for the family to everlastingly grateful would be very entitled itself in its own way. No extravagance required, just some thought... £150 in an envelope, whereas arguably generous, is not thoughtful, and as others have said, it's the thought that counts.

Shutthatdoor · 26/12/2015 10:02

If my rich parents bought us and the kids a box of chocs I don't think that counts as being thoughtful!

That is where you and most other posters apart from op disagree.

I hope you 'rich parents' brought you suitably expensive thoughtful gifts Hmm

MizK · 26/12/2015 10:04

YABU.

LarrytheCucumber · 26/12/2015 10:05

When I was about 14 I went into school and complained that my couusin and her husband husband had only given .me a 7/6 book token (old money!) My friends rounded.

munkisocks · 26/12/2015 10:11

Wow some responses here are so ungrateful. My parents are very well off but I'd never expect anything from them. If they sent me a box of chocolates or biscuits for Xmas I'd be happy. My in laws have had a bad year business wise and so I got a £5 gift from them and I love it as it's what I actually wanted. If I hadn't got anything it wouldn't have mattered because their presence on Xmas day IS all that we want.

londonrach · 26/12/2015 10:15

Yabu. £30 is an awful lot of money to spend per person! You very lucky.

LarrytheCucumber · 26/12/2015 10:15

When I was about 14 I went into school and complained that my couusin and her husband husband had only given .me a 7/6 book token (old money!) My friends rounded.
Oops, the perils of using my phone. My friends rounded on me and told me off for being greedy, ungrateful etc. I learnt the lesson then. A gift is a gift.

NurseRoscoe · 26/12/2015 10:19

Some people, especially men and in particular older men (massive generalisation but based on my own family) just don't do shopping for thoughtful gifts. The mindset seems to be that you can't go wrong with money, not that they don't care!

Children generally don't give a fuck about cards either. One for the whole family is fine. If someone gave me £150 for my family I would spend it on taking the kids out for the day. If there are other issues here deal with them rather than creating new petty issues.

Flashbangandgone · 26/12/2015 10:21

I hope you 'rich parents' brought you suitably expensive thoughtful gifts hmm

Nothing particularly expensive (and they're not actually particularly rich), a book and some clothes, and various presents for children. Also bought a baked Christmas cake over and a bottle of wine. We in turn bought them tickets for a west end show they wanted to see... Got change out of £100 so again nothing overly extravagant. We each showed some thought and were generous without being over the top. Unless it's genuinely all they can stretch to, or there are other extenuating circumstances like illness or bereavement, I think it's a shame if close family can't spend a little thought on each other at Christmas that goes beyond a trip to a cashpoint or a jar of quality street. It's not about breaking the bank or spending all you can in order to impress or soak yourself in material possessions, but it is about 'giving' of thought, time, and (to the extent each can afford) money.

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