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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £30 each is stingy?

262 replies

Lightbulbon · 25/12/2015 19:32

DF came for Xmas dinner.

Brought a card for all of us (no separate cards for dcs) with £150 in it. There are 5 of us so that's £30 each.

He ate our 'naice' food and drank our wine/prosecco and has now left to meet his friends in the pub.

He has an income of at least £2k pcm and has had a massive amount of financial help from us recently.

Aibu to think that £30 each plus a few cheap chocs (think celebrations) is a bit shit?

(Plus he spelt dp's easy to spell name wrong on the card)

Other people's DFs/GPs aren't like this are they?

It just makes me sad tbh.

OP posts:
OfficeGirl1969 · 25/12/2015 21:05

If you've had to help him financially I think it's wrong to expect anything from him. £30 each is more than generous. Don't be unkind.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/12/2015 21:25

You say that he doesent care, etc, and that you are not materialistic, but you are and sound very grabby. I don't know many people who write separate cards for family members.

AttitcusFinchIsMyFather · 25/12/2015 21:28

My FIL gives us one card to us all with £15o in too, for 5 of us. Unlike you though, I am grateful.

Viviennemary · 25/12/2015 21:41

£150 is a substantial amount. How much did you expect. Honestly, some people. it would have been a lot cheaper for him to go to a local restaurant. It would have cost a lot less than £150 for one person. You sound horrible.

limon · 25/12/2015 21:50

yab very very very u

bettyberry · 25/12/2015 21:51

On the card thing in our family everyone gives each other cards on Xmas day, so he had ones from me & dp and the dcs. He walks past a card shop every day, it's not a big ask I don't think.

In most families that would be considered over the top and incredibly wasteful. I don't give my child a xmas card! there is no need because ffs I am present for the day and honestly How many cards do you need? why do you need to give each other their own card? can you not share a card and appreciate the gesture was to the whole family and no favouritism because if he forgot to give separate cards or forgot one card you'd probably accuse him of that too

I get the impression you value love and affection through the number of things. Whether your father taught you that is another matter because you are an adult and are behaving terribly. He was present, he came with a very generous gift and you still aren't happy.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 25/12/2015 22:03

If you don't want that cash can I have it?

myotherusernameisbetter · 25/12/2015 22:03

We don't do gifts for adults other than our partners and elderly DM. So the £150 would be between the 3 kids- £50 each, not to shabby tbh.

sleeponeday · 25/12/2015 22:09

I don't get on with my IL, but they give £50 per child for b'days and Xmas and I think that's quite generous, personally.

A cheque for £150 between 3 kids (l wouldn't want a relative who was recently in financial strife to give me a present as an adult!) when the guy lives on £2k a month is a very nice amount to have. And I think money instead of a random present is actually very thoughtful from close family, too. Confused

mommathatwearspink · 25/12/2015 22:11

Oh YABVFU Hmm

lorelei9 · 25/12/2015 22:11

OP the thing is, if your original post had said "I'm angry that DF has given a gift with no thought and still can't spell my DC names" many would have been sympathetic.

But to mention the amount he gave and the money you give him makes it sound like that's what it's about. You also mention the cost of food and wine at yours, sounding just like couples who think they are treating you to a meal when you attend their wedding and think you should be grateful. And you put stingy in your title.

Now you seem to be back tracking.

LovelyFriend · 25/12/2015 22:18

When you burn the money OP will you video it and post it here please? (Can we post videos yet? If not photos please).

It will be like the KLF all over again.

lorelei9 · 25/12/2015 22:20

Oh no I couldn't bear to watch money burnt
Donate it to the local hospice or something.

KoalaDownUnder · 25/12/2015 22:24

Giving a Christmas card to a child you're seeing on the day is ludicrous. You just say Merry Christmas to their face, surely. Or what, give them a card, watch them stand there and read it, then throw it in the recycling?! They're hardly going to treasure it.

Sorry, but this whole thread is silly. Don't invite family for Christmas dinner with bloody strings attached. A family gift of £150 is lovely.

You obviously have other issues with him, so sort them out separately. Don't make it about what he brought for Christmas. It just makes you sound greedy and awful.

CFSsucks · 25/12/2015 22:27

I wish someone who didn't give a shit about me would show it by giving £150. It doesn't matter how many times you post, you come across as ungrateful. You shouldn't have helped him out if it came with strings. You clearly think he owes you. My dad isn't the best dad/grandad in the world and I wish he would show that he cares a bit more (I know he does really) but I appreciate his gestures and presents or money (I'm quite happy with money myself) and am happy to cook him a nice Christmas dinner as I know he'll be on his own else. I don't feel he owes me the monetary equivalent.

Do you dad a favour and tell him not to waste his money on you in future.

CherryPits · 25/12/2015 22:29

I think all the moaning on AIBU today is down to some people having a bit to drink and it not agreeing with them.

CalleighDoodle · 25/12/2015 22:35

I bloody hate christmas cards. Make the place look untidy. £150 is a substantial amount of money from a £2k monthly salary. He spent christmas day with you, showing you he caree, despite you being an ungrateful person. Today's atritude cannot be a one off! My cow of a mil hasnt even phoned today to speak to her grandchildren. Fil acknowledges them maybe twoce a year. He certainly doesnt get them a present or money at any point. He does not acknowledge christmas or birthdays.

Your attitude is appalling.

MistressDeeCee · 25/12/2015 22:37

He ate YOUR food and drank YOUR wine. & didn't give YOU enough money. This is how you describe a guest?! Biscuit x 2

BigChocFrenzy · 25/12/2015 22:51

YABVVU - if this isn't a windup
The title claims £30 per person is stingy. That was the OP's moan before all the backtracking about a communal card and bad history.

£150 for the family is a huge present from someone on below average income.

What is a non-stingy amount ? A month's pay ?

BigChocFrenzy · 25/12/2015 22:52

Grabby on steroids

Missdee2014 · 25/12/2015 22:58

You sound like an ungrateful snob 'cheap chocolates' If you were my daughter you would get bugger all! £150 is perhaps all he feels you deserve perhaps he knows you expect more therefore doesn't want to give. Wether he can afford or not is irrelevant.

Out of interest, what did you get for him?

Bunbaker · 25/12/2015 23:00

I'm sorry, but you aren't coming across very well, even in your subsequent posts.

a) I don't know any man who knows exactly what to buy their grandchildren (r children even) for Christmas. In my experience most men leave it up to their partners to sort out present buying, so I think you are being unrealistic and harsh to expect presents rather than money.

b) Writing a card out for each person in your family is ridiculous and wasteful. I always write one card out for the family as one entity and so does everyone I know.

c) £150 between 5 people is not stingy.

RoseWithoutAThorn · 25/12/2015 23:04

This thread has to be wind up. No-one I know in RL is so shallow Confused

ouryve · 25/12/2015 23:20

DH's family did individual cards from individual family members, to start with. When that meant getting 9 cards from 4 people, before DS2 even came along, we decided not to play along with that particular nonsense.

OP, you resent the man, so it doesn't matter what he gave you, you would have found fault. If he had tried to do more than give you money, he'd have chosen unsuitable gifts and you would have found fault. Whatever he's done wrong this year, it is not this.

serin · 25/12/2015 23:30

With £150 you could buy family membership to the National Trust or Chester Zoo, that is a lot of days out.

YABVU.