To think £30 each is stingy?

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DF came for Xmas dinner.

Brought a card for all of us (no separate cards for dcs) with £150 in it. There are 5 of us so that's £30 each.

He ate our 'naice' food and drank our wine/prosecco and has now left to meet his friends in the pub.

He has an income of at least £2k pcm and has had a massive amount of financial help from us recently.

Aibu to think that £30 each plus a few cheap chocs (think celebrations) is a bit shit?

(Plus he spelt dp's easy to spell name wrong on the card)

Other people's DFs/GPs aren't like this are they?

It just makes me sad tbh.

I never realised if I invited people to xmas dinner I should expect a present of equal or greater value than the cost of the food they've eaten?

What an oddly skewed way of viewing gift giving. He doesn't owe you the price of his Christmas dinner. He gave you a nice present but your nose is out of joint because you wanted more.

And wanting five separate cards seems rather silly to me. One card per family is quite standard, isn't it?

Simon - surely £150 would way more than cover the meal though?

Would that be saying he ate over £150 of food?

I think it sounds like he thought that was just enough for everyone to choose something that they wanted and that's it. £30 is generous I reckon, but I know some people probably spend less and some probably spend way too much. £30 can easily get a child /teen something fun and something for them to feel special (cool toy, game for xbox or similar, clothes etc). Kids too like having their own money to spend. So sounds pretty good from here anyway :) Happy Christmas

Fine, in retrospect starting this thread wasn't a good idea.

I can't give the entire backstory.

And maybe without that what I've actually posted sounds spoiler/grabby. So I can't really go further forward.

If I had come on mn and posted what df has done this year most people would say go nc.

I wanted to but dp pursued me to have him over for Xmas.

I've got 3dcs, work ft but I still took time to go shopping for gifts for him from each of us/food he likes etc. I showed caring even though his behaviour has been disgraceful and he doesn't deserve any of it.

So if just have liked/hoped for a little more thought from him, not just cash. (I know £150 is a lot to most people inc us but it really isn't to him eg if he dropped it in the street he wouldn't notice)

On the card thing in our family everyone gives each other cards on Xmas day, so he had ones from me & dp and the dcs. He walks past a card shop every day, it's not a big ask I don't think.

Anyway I suppose this is why I don't talk about my family irl. I'd have to give a book's worth of a back story for anyone to understand.

On 2k a month 150 is still a lot of money.

I can understand the being a bit annoyed about the lack of thought, especially for the dc.

But that is not what your OP said. It was all about specific amounts and how much he earns and the fact you'd fed him therefore seemed to think this made the stingy amount even worse.

Oh my goodness really? are there really people that shallow still in this world? your not my sister are you?????

It's shocking that you think £150 is insulting!

But the back story isn't relevant - if he's that bad, you either go NC or at least don't accept a gift from him. You aren't under any obligation to accept it if it's that much of an insult.

I have never spent £30 on one person's present in my entire life.

And presumably he hasn't had any choice in the size of your family so how you choose to split the money is your issue.

£150 is very generous whatever the circumstances!

Even if your DF was wealthy, it would be generous. The fact he is not, makes it more so!

Maybe this sums it up?

It may be a case of being the last drop or misdirecting your anger.

But, what did you expect from him?
A sudden change?

OTOH, and without knowing the back story, from this thread alone it could easily be a case of not exactly meeting your high expectations.

If his present is the worst you have to say about him this Christmas, then I'd consider it a success.

I don't see how you're helping him out financially yet £150 dropped in the street would be nothing to him.

I assume you have POA. So you can console yourself with the thought that you'll be choosing his residential care if he needs it.

My DH makes £2k a month. If he dropped £150, we'd notice.

If you don't give the whole story, don't expect people to agree.

Sorry but your update isn't changing the fact that you are very grabby.

It doesn't matter what the person earns or if they would miss it or not

You aren't exactly coming out smelling of roses in this!

I understand where you're coming from. £150 is a lot, but there's no thought in a card with £150 in it. He should have used individual cards, or bought an actual family gift. Whether the amount is generous or not is beside the point, I think his act of giving is a bit thoughtless.

My brothers are similar. No present or card for birthdays. Really crap Xmas presents. I sound ungrateful, but there is certainly no thought behind a pack of tea pig tea bags. I don't drink tea.

Drip, drip drip.

It doesn't make you any less ungrateful or massively grabby. If you want to go nc then do it. At least you won't be on here next year moaning about how much you got because you'll get nothing.

Anyway I suppose this is why I don't talk about my family irl. I'd have to give a book's worth of a back story for anyone to understand.

Or maybe if you did talk about it or give the back story you would still come across as badly as you are now.....

Whether the amount is generous or not is beside the point, I think his act of giving is a bit thoughtless.

I disagree. If he had bought presents OP would probably complained that they were wrong too.

I see nothing wrong with people having money to get what they want.

The OP was all about your father's perceived "stinginess," the money, the single card, the cheap chocolates, as well as your father's sheer audacity at eating the meal you invited him to. You said nothing about other issues so it's hardly surprising that people responded to what was actually in the OP.

Back pedaling is a fine old AIBU tradition though, so well done for upholding it.

I can't see the OP going NC. She's got access to his bank account now.

How can you expect people to judge that your dad is being stingy/unreasonable when you didn't/won't give any back story that makes you convinced he is?

You asked a question and on face value by what you wrote in your OP, yes YABU.

Even for someone earning £2k a month, £150 is a lot of money in my eyes. Not what I would call stingy by any means.

Until anyone knows anything else you sound unreasonable. We're not mind readers.

There obviously a lot of issues with you and your DF but going on about the £150 and 2K has made you appear rather silly. I think this thread was an ill thought out knee jerk reaction to the card and money instead of individual cards and presents.

My DH and I earn more than 2K a month but if I dropped or lost £150 I would be really upset. So if you truly think £150 in stingy on an income of 2K I think you have not thought things through clearly.