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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £30 each is stingy?

262 replies

Lightbulbon · 25/12/2015 19:32

DF came for Xmas dinner.

Brought a card for all of us (no separate cards for dcs) with £150 in it. There are 5 of us so that's £30 each.

He ate our 'naice' food and drank our wine/prosecco and has now left to meet his friends in the pub.

He has an income of at least £2k pcm and has had a massive amount of financial help from us recently.

Aibu to think that £30 each plus a few cheap chocs (think celebrations) is a bit shit?

(Plus he spelt dp's easy to spell name wrong on the card)

Other people's DFs/GPs aren't like this are they?

It just makes me sad tbh.

OP posts:
NCISaddict · 25/12/2015 20:15

Blimey, my FIL has bought us a family card and will give us each £25, and you know what? We're grateful, he always comes to us for Christmas and that's fine too, he also has a fairly high income, certainly more than us but we don't compare.

Can't believe people are so miserable and ungrateful.

Straycatblue · 25/12/2015 20:16

Like someone said upthread, he probably wasnt aware he had to compensate you for all your 'naice' food and your wine/prosecco and probably assumed that like most families the food is given out of love and doesnt have to be paid back in the gifts. You wouldn't have mentioned it if you didnt think that way.

The £2000 a month makes no sense, he is both in need of lots of financial help but also earns £2000 monthly...... however what he earns is just a red herring.... how much someone earns a month is not indicative of how much they should give in gifts.

You are either genuinely upset at the monetary gift not being enough, in which case you might want to watch some Christmas movies about the true meaning of Christmas or perhaps there is some back story about him not being a good enough father and on some level perhaps even subconsciously you expect him to compensate for that in a monetary fashion.

Whatever the reason, i was going to give you a mumsnet biscuit but i actually feel really sad for you that this is your attitude.

ps £150 is actually a really large amount of money.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 25/12/2015 20:16

If you see this money as 'compensation' instead of a gift i don't think i can give you advice.
Seems like a hopeless situation.

Lweji · 25/12/2015 20:16

Did he happen to act like that money was the ultimate gift and he expected you to be oh so grateful?

Let him be. Save his money. Or spend it on friends.

You just need to pop in the shit gifts thread to appreciate money as a present. :)

Klaptout · 25/12/2015 20:17

My your full of the Christmas spirt, maybe you could by a grip with your share.

whatever22 · 25/12/2015 20:17

Saying "I don't want his money' is clearly a lie when you want more of his money.
The amount seen me fine to me, I'm afraid.

ihatethecold · 25/12/2015 20:17

So what is an acceptable amount then op?

CremeBrulee · 25/12/2015 20:18

Christmas is about generosity in giving, not receiving! You think you are entitled to financial compensation from your FIL in the form of money in your Christmas card for 'helping him out' throughout the year? What a terrible attitude!

Why don't you send him a monthly invoice for services rendered? It would be much more honest:

Mypubesarestraight · 25/12/2015 20:18

Yabu and grabby

hibbleddible · 25/12/2015 20:19

How have you helped him out financially?

You say that he is well off, but you are helping him financially. It doesn't really add up.

It sounds that there is a huge back story here.

You're not getting a good reception on aibu because you are focusing on the monetary amount, which makes you sound grabby.

Seeyounearertime · 25/12/2015 20:19

Thing is, whatever you didn't help him, you did to help him, you didn't do it for a better Xmas gift did you?

I'd rather burn the money than spend it.
Then give it away to a charity.

d270r0 · 25/12/2015 20:20

You're right, he is completely taking the piss only giving you £150 for christmas. And he actually dared to show up and eat your food! What a bastard. I give my 2 year old more pocket money than that every week. Definitely best to cash the cheque then burn the money.

Taylor22 · 25/12/2015 20:20

You sound so unpleasant and horrible I'm wouldn't be suprise If he didn't want to spend time with you. I certainly couldn't be paid enough to sit across a table as someone so ungrateful as you.

sooperdooper · 25/12/2015 20:22

You're making no sense, if he has an income of £2k a month and loads in the bank why would you need to help him out financialy?

But you're totally missing the point of inviting family for Christmas - I'd never dream of calculating whether someone's gifts had paid back what I'd spent on food/drink - it's irrelevant! If you didn't want him then don't invite him, simple and leaves you looking less grabby and materialistic

PastaLaFeasta · 25/12/2015 20:23

If he's as awful as you've suggested you need to stop putting yourself out for him, that's aside from the Christmas money. My dad up is similar in that he would rather give money than go to the shop, but that's OK by me as the kids have plenty and the house is full of stuff, £150 would be a good amount for a family day out or to go towards something the kids really want instead. He's often a dick but I also know he cares even if he is limited in his ability to show it.

arethereanyleftatall · 25/12/2015 20:24

You're not making sense op.
First post - £150 cash is stingy
Second post - you arrange £2k per month for him, no further details offered
3rd post - it isn't about the cash.
???

MadamCroquette · 25/12/2015 20:24

That's what the DC get each from the grandparents, I think it's generous! (And they are richer than your F too.)

It hadn't ever occurred to me to compare anyone's present with what I spent on food for them IYSWIM.

I do know what you mean about not bothering to shop, and even when our rellies do bother to shop, they don't wrap, they just leave it to us. But then I'm kind over the fact that they can't be arsed - and money is actually a better present from someone who wouldn't be good at knowing what you want.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/12/2015 20:24

And to be honest, you aren't looking good from this (and that's just from your own account) - I wouldn't blame him for not shelling out a load of money on any of you. You sound incredibly grabby.

Lweji · 25/12/2015 20:25

You must also have given him a fantastic gift that he must really have appreciated.
Funny how you don't mention that on your OP. Or was that the food and the booze?

Jw35 · 25/12/2015 20:27

£150 in a card is lovely. If there's 5 of you I'm guessing you have 3 DC's? So £50 each for them or £30 for everyone or a great day out somewhere? Great present! My dad gave me money too so I could choose what I wanted.

I only give family £5-10 each worth of presents!

Sounds like it's not the money that's bothering you, using it as an example has made you sound really ungrateful.

Pipistrella · 25/12/2015 20:27

Look there is clearly a massive back story here that none of us is party to. It's a waste of time trying to engage on this one, isn't it?

The OP knows the fella
we don't

money isn't the issue, obviously

fwiw it's a huge amount of money and I'd feel embarrassed to accept that amount. But it all depends on the intention behind it and the context and so on. The OP was very poorly expressed I think, that's all.

whathavewedonenow99 · 25/12/2015 20:27

So you'd rather have had 5 x £5.00 gifts than £150.00 to spend as a family? People are dying. Build a bridge love.

DyslexicScientist · 25/12/2015 20:28

Wow I used to make 5k a month and gave about 20 as gifts. Have I been cheap?!

PunkrockerGirl · 25/12/2015 20:28

What is the true meaning of Christmas for you, exactly, OP?

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