to not punish DD for hitting her dad?

[livvielunch]

DD is 4 and undergoing assessment for autism. She has a multitude of sensory processing issues and hates physical contact of any sort, particularly affection. She will actually scream and cry if she thinks anyone (I.e. approaching grandparents) may try and hug her. Despite this, DP insists on trying to kiss and hug her. This morning she was playing and he said goodbye to her as he was going out. She blanked him, as is usual. He said can I have a kiss, she flinched and shook her hear violently, turned away from him and continued playing. He leaned round with his lips puckered inches from her face and she slapped him in it. He was angry and stomped off mumbling 'love you too' and later said I should've stepped in and punished DD for her aggression. I said I think he should respect her wishes not to be hounded for affection and that he deserved it, really. Aibu?

Nicki have you read the thread? Almost no-one is saying she should be punished.

Yes I have read the thread and posted a few times. So have you read it?

Polter this has very little to nothing to do with autism. It is about a parent who doesn't understand even very young children have the right to decide who they will or will not kiss; which the majority of posters get.

Are you policing ALL the threads today Lass; telling people how to post and what to think? Or just this one?

This child should NOT be punished.
Her dad should learn to communicate with her and respect her wish of not being kissed.

He should also make a huge effort to accept that his dd will not and cannot show affection etc the 'normal' way.

As for the OP having to punish her and not him .... Well at least it means that the poor child didn't get punished for something she can't control.

I wouldn’t punish her either. But it must be very upsetting and hurtful for her father too. Being hit by your own child is horrible, and so is being unable to share affectionate gestures. So to you all. I hope you all find a way through this.

I like the idea of teaching her to blow kisses instead. If that’s possible, of course.

A whole thread justifying appalling behavior by a child.
Punish her as you see fit, otherwise in ten years time you'll be posting about what to do about her getting tattoos, drinking, and carrying knives.

Polter: you were the one posting about getting it wrong - and I'm the dick?

Yes Red I can definitely confirm that it's you that's the dick.

Are you policing ALL the threads today Lass; telling people how to post and what to think? Or just this one?

Oh fgs the vast majority of posters on this thread,including me, have said the husband's behaviour was appalling. His behaviour would be appalling for any child. Children should not be forced to hug or kiss any person.

Anyone of any age has a right not to have forced physical contact.

Not at 4! There are times a 4 yo does need to be physically contacted by her parents/other professionals even if it is against her will.I am thinking of medical treatment , holding hands near danger, haircare.Is it OK to punch these adults in the face.
At school she may have to hold hands with a partner, have people brush against her- she should slap them?

Being forced for medical treatment and hand holding in certain circumstances is very different than for physical affection.

Not at 4! There are times a 4 yo does need to be physically contacted by her parents/other professionals even if it is against her will.I am thinking of medical treatment , holding hands near danger, haircare.Is it OK to punch these adults in the face.

But we're not talking about anything like that. We're talking about being forced to engage in an extremely intimate act against her will.

And an extremely intimate act which is of no benefit to the little girl.

I don't think a peck on the cheek from her dad is an extremely intimate act.
Do you ever kiss her or hug her OP?

Polter that applies to all children.

Every child has exactly the same right to refuse to kiss an adult. If the adult does not accept the child's right to do so then any child may well lash out. Indeed if that is the only way to stop the unwanted physical contact why should a child not, as a last resort?