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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Christmas fund given to charity AIBU

615 replies

FlatOnTheHill · 23/12/2015 14:43

Me and my sister get on really well. Very close family. Never argue about anything. More like best mates so very lucky. Ok this is where its all gone wrong. Re xmas. None of us want for anything and the kids have everything. I made a decision this year that all off my £200 xmas fund for family (not my son). Is being donated to a local wonderful hospice. Im a working single mum by the way. I have given plenty of notice to everyone and told people myself and my son dont want anything as we dont need it. To save their money and not to worry. She has gone mad and said she would never give to charity at xmas and its about the kids. I said you might need a fucking hospice one day. She said its a weird thing to do. All the rest of the faimy think its a good gesture to donate. I have only bought presents for my son. Am i wrong? Feel like shit now for doing a good deed.

OP posts:
midnightsunshine · 28/12/2015 00:21

Brilliant analytical post from LittleBelle, sums up the situation perfectly.
It all makes sense now!
Thanks for shedding light... I've just re-read OPs posts and I agree with your conclusions.

candykane25 · 28/12/2015 00:41

I didn't think it was aimed at me.
Opinion, observation - same difference.
You asked for opinions, i used a different lexicon, I don't find that strange.
It seems that anyone with a different opinion is an idiot.
Anyway, as a PP pointed out, you are absolutely sure you are right.
Sometimes I think people post in AIBU to be reassured they are right and others are wrong, have a moan and not to reflect on the actual discord. Which obviously is absolutely fine.
As many posters have said, you haven't got it entirely right.
Yes I know you have said you might have done things differently on reflection, however you you don't seem too thrilled with others debating your choices (at your request) and have been quite rude along the way.
If you do in fact speak to people in RL like you have spoken to posters on here, it's very possible people might get the hump with you.

BTW, I am far from perfect, make many mistakes, get this wrong, get on people's nerves etc.

FlatOnTheHill · 28/12/2015 02:06

Candy
I am always up for a debate of differing opinions to my own.
Please re-read. If you have a few hours Wink
I have not been rude at all. I have merely defended myself when I have been insulted and called horrible names. Yet those posters have apologised.
So to me their behaviour now is a non issue. If you read back i did conclude and wished everyone a merry christmas. Yet you get those bitter people like Midnight that for some unknown reason have to keep chomping at the bit. Instead of accepting my merry christmas wishes they have to keep digging! Generally it is a sign that all is not well with them when people behave this way.
So finally if this thread can now conclude and end that would be great.
Candy as you say, none of us are perfect. Is that such a terrible thing though!
Enjoy the christmas holidays.

OP posts:
midnightsunshine · 28/12/2015 10:42

Flat why do you think I am bitter or digging? I am simply intrigued by this thread and it has provided a nice distraction over a difficult Christmas period.

I don't think anyone has called you horrible names or been spiteful, nor is anyone trying to psychoanalyse you. They are simply responding to the facts you provided. What LittleBelle did was analyse your story, based on the information you gave and backed up by evidence from your posts. She painted a very different picture to yours, a far more believable picture. She also exposed the massive contradiction in your portrayal of your sister (the wealthy sister who wants for nothing so why would she care about the monetary value of presents?)

You did not answer the many posters who asked why you had not thought to get a token gift for nephews. Or as Belle put it, a bag of homemade cookies or the gift of your time. I've re-read all your posts and at no point do you show any love or affectionate regard for your nephews. Which leads me to think Belle's theory is correct.

I suspect there is a lot more truth in Belle's post than OP cares to admit. Perhaps OP would benefit from analysing her true feelings towards sister's family and how hurtful her 'noble' gesture was to the sister. If strangers on Internet can see through the 'noble gesture' I bet the sister wasn't fooled for a minute.

This thread has been bugging me for days and Belle's analysis just made sense of it for me. The mystery has been solved! The original story contained too many holes and emotive judgements to be believable. Belle's explanation is logical and blows away OP's smokescreen.

Nothing personal OP and I do hope things get resolved between you and your sister. If the thread has helped you see why she is so upset, then it has been worthwhile.
Thanks for a fascinating read!

LeNouedDeViperes · 28/12/2015 11:59

Are you taking any token gifts to your nephews OP?

flippinada · 28/12/2015 12:04

"I don't think anyone has called you horrible names or been spiteful"

Oh, it must be a completely different poster called midnightsunshine who described the OP's gesture as "smug, sanctimonious and self-centred" then.

"Nothing personal" - yeah, of course it isn't.

flippinada · 28/12/2015 12:06

Glad to see you're back on speaking terms with your sis Flat. That's good news. Hope you enjoy the rest of the festive season.

GoblinLittleOwl · 28/12/2015 12:32

I learned a new phrase yesterday: virtue signalling.

This seems to be a perfect example.

midnightsunshine · 28/12/2015 12:36

'Smug, sanctimonious and self-centred' is how I described her behaviour (giving young nephews' entire present fund to charity as she feels they are not worthy of anything from her... and expecting sister not to mind). That's hardly name-calling or being spiteful.

Belle's post is spot-on!

candykane25 · 28/12/2015 12:38

Name calling is calling people idiots.

flippinada · 28/12/2015 13:03

Sure, of course.

Flat good luck for the visit with your sister. Hope you get everything sorted!

2016IsANewYearforMe · 28/12/2015 15:58

In a funny way, I think the posters not taking the OP's side on this thread have been more help to her. Considering that she might not be completely in the right and her DS completely in the wrong is a much better starting point for mending fences than the PoV of some of the more "supportive" posters

candykane25 · 29/12/2015 19:13

Ovo I will be looking for the school set, thank you!

candykane25 · 29/12/2015 20:00

Wrong thread!

Idefix · 29/12/2015 20:33

Grin Candy I did wonder.

Was illuminating reading Belle post, I think she nailed it too.

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