Christmas fund given to charity AIBU

[FlatOnTheHill]

Me and my sister get on really well. Very close family. Never argue about anything. More like best mates so very lucky. Ok this is where its all gone wrong. Re xmas. None of us want for anything and the kids have everything. I made a decision this year that all off my £200 xmas fund for family (not my son). Is being donated to a local wonderful hospice. Im a working single mum by the way. I have given plenty of notice to everyone and told people myself and my son dont want anything as we dont need it. To save their money and not to worry. She has gone mad and said she would never give to charity at xmas and its about the kids. I said you might need a fucking hospice one day. She said its a weird thing to do. All the rest of the faimy think its a good gesture to donate. I have only bought presents for my son. Am i wrong? Feel like shit now for doing a good deed.

I don't think the criticism is from people being grabby or 'me me me'. People love Xmas because it's all about family, choosing things they'll love and receiving thoughtful tokens back. It's a symbol of how much you mean to each other. You have not lost anything giving to the charity as it's money you had put aside to spend on your sister and her family, so you get to feel good about yourself at the expense of her and her children missing out on a lovely part of Xmas, exchanging gifts with loved ones.
I can see your heart was in the right place but think you have gone about it really badly. I cannot for the life of me think why you didn't buy them gifts and ask for a donation instead of your gift, or make a donation yourself as well as buying token gifts for your family

Well, what would a logical objection be then? Anyone who objects to a hospice benefiting at Christmas - is there a logical reason as to why you would object to it? No, it's not guilt tripping. I don't see the OP as being smug or superior. She explained her reasons for not buying presents this year. What was she supposed to do, just ignore everyone and not comment on lack of presents?

There are plenty of reasons why someone wouldn't want to be guilt-tripped into donating to a hospice. Like PP on this thread, they may have had a bad experience. They may donate privately to another charity. They may not feel that donating to a charity is the best use of their efforts and may prefer volunteering.

There's been years I haven't bought all the kids gifts while we bought our own child, I've never been asked the reason why because as I said earlier, my family could not give two shiny shits about presents, but let's say I told them I'm not doing gifts as I was giving to charity, there's absolutely no way on earth would any of my family expect me to not buy dd anything as their children are one present less from an aunt. And let's say the times my sister hasn't bought my dd has been cos she's giving to charity, I would never think that because she hasn't bought my child (who will presents from us) one present then her children should get nothing at all from their parents. Wouldn't be an issue though because none of them would even ask why in the first place.

But no one is asking anyone else to donate to a hospice, are they? That was the OP's choice and she explained herself. She didn't ask her sister to contribute to either a hospice or he son. She merely stated that this year that would be her intention.

Can't see where the guilt tripping comes in at all. OP's choice, and certainly not inflicted on anyone else.-

Honestly, do people not read the thread? OP has said, I don't know how many times, that her sister will not be giving money to charity at Christmas, because she doesn't want to (which is fine, it's not compulsory). She cannot make her sister give money to charity, even if she wanted to - which she doesn't.

All the "you just want to feel good about yourself posters". So what if she felt good about it? It was a kind thing to do. Why shouldn't she feel good?

That goes to everyone who reads it, MERRY CHRISTMAS
this
I'm about to log off now and have a bath. Hope everyone has a lovely day tomorrow.

XiCi, people can have a festive time and show their love for one another without forking over obligatory presents.

She is not taking anything from her sister's family. Dropping out of the gift exchange means they save money and are free to spend it on themselves instead of on the OP and her child. She is equally free to allocate money from her budget to a charity, a weekend in Vegas or, as others have said, to burn it in the fireplace if she so desires.

happyinherts

But someone did post this, which is what I responded to:

anyone who objects to a hospice benefitting at Christmas really needs to examine their own morals

Good advice UKmm. Hope everyone has a lovely Christmas, however they choose to spend it :)

I can't believe this is still going, its christmas!!

`Suburban Rhonda

Yes, I posted that. But it concerns someone else's money, so why would anyone have any objection as to how that person disposes of their cash? It's not asking anyone to follow suit or guilt tripping anyone into doing anything they don't want to.

In other words - the recipients of that Christmas gift, those in a hospice, what objection could anyone have for their receipt of a kind gift.

Natkingcole9
im fucking flabbergasted its still going. And its my first post.

What a way to ease you into mums net...lol

It's not asking anyone to follow suit or guilt tripping anyone into doing anything they don't want to.

No, but saying "You may need a hospice one day" is guilt-tripping people into not agreeing with your viewpoint.

• into agreeing

SurburbanRhonda - i didn't write anything about anyone needing a hospice one day, although quite honestly it's true. No one can predict the future. I see your point slightly on that one, but the whole situation here has got out of hand. 23 pages will testify to that and it's all quite sad.

and boring.....

Woah 23 pages? I'm on the app so it doesn't have them, but surely it's late Christmas Eve everyone can just relax and enjoy family time? Or however they plan to

Ok I would like this to now conclude.
Thank you all for your comments and input. And also kind words.
I know i started this but i dont think i can talk about it anymore. Im actually boring myself now
Merry Christmas everyone

Can I just apologise for calling you an ass too many Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas lighteningirl

It's not about the gift but the message it sends. You were quite happy to take gifts for years and never declined them or asked for charity donations instead

This exactly.

You've destroyed your relationship with your sister. You can give to charity and not make such a bloody fuss about it. I don't have a sister and my brother died years ago.I'd love to have family to give to.

Midnight
Give it a rest. Look above, this has now concluded. We are all wishing each other a merry christmas.