Was I in the wrong here?

[GlamOn]

DP and I are home today (not because of our virus), and I was just getting some milk out of the microwave when I got a phone call from my Mum, asking me to look after my DSis 7 (who isn't feel well), whilst she and my Dad finish off their Christmas food shop with DSis2 and DB.

Unfortunately, myself and DP really didn't feel up to it and I declined, I said "No, sorry Mum we've both got a throa-"" and she cut off, after saying shouting fine and hanging up.

I rang back a few minutes later because I noticed a missed call from her. Her reply was when I asked why she called "I didn't mean to ring you, I meant to ring nanny". I asked why she hang up on me and her answer was "because I can't find someone to look after Dsis! You have a throat infection but you don't look after her with your throat, do you? All she has to do is sit there for a little while"

AIBU to have declined, even though we're close family? In all honesty, we didn't feel up to it and I'd just rather not. AIBU to say no other explanation than that is required to give my Mum?

She wouldn't treat a friend that way, and I'm her adult daughter who I think deserves a little bit of respect. I wouldn't dream of doing it to anyone, because I don't think it's anyone's responsibility to care for my children.

The mother is already dragging two other children and a (apparently useless) husband around the shop. And taking the ill child to an ill op is only a recipe for further illness.

But god forbid they should actually talk about it on the phone. Much better to hang up.

Oh, wait, that was someone else's dad.

Anyway, no I don't think you were unreasonable. You're under no obligation to look after other people's kids. If she's happy enough to take her other kids shopping she can take the 7 year old too. If the 7 year old can't go, leave a parent with her. Job done.

I'm certainly curious how far the 80 year old meme is going to go.

Anyone wants to bet?

If the OP's dad does not usually do the shopping, now is not the time to start doing it on his own. There will probably be lots of items out-of-stock in the shop, needing alternatives or quick changes of plans. Their Christmas dinner may be ruined.

Charleston, have we missed the fact that this is just finishing the Xmas shop, not the main shop? The scenario of lots of things being unavailable therefore is highly unlikely to apply, even in the event of OP's father being unable to work out alternatives for himself or operate a mobile phone.

have you not read this from the OP? "if I hadn't told her we were in, she wouldn't have even known we were available". She'd told her she was in

BOOP, I read that as being told when she rang OP. Otherwise she would have known already that OP was ill and would presumably have tried nanny first.

mintoil stop trying to turn this into something it isn't. OP was asked to do a favour and she refused.

I think it's WalterMitty trying to turn this into something it isn't. OP was asked to take an ill child when she is herself ill and her mother hung up on her when she tried to explain; her mother already had her apparently able-bodied husband to do the favour for her.

And I don't get the people saying "It's only a sore throat." OP has already explained that it's more than that; you lot are aware that there are degrees of sore throat, aren't you? And do you think it's desirable for OP to breathe her brand of bugs over her sister who is already unwell?

Dip I was referring to the insistence that this is somehow a feminist issue but don't let things like facts get in your way...

Dip I read it that she knew they were home and available because op told her previously. I think you might need to consider that as a possibility before you get any more strident

I read the thread, but I cannot see where the dad is? And why he cannot either look after dsis or do the shop?

If you're going there for Xmas dinner... YABU.
Personally think you're making a big deal out of her putting the phone down, she sounds really stressed.

BOOP, you don't get to dictate other people's posting style. OP was at home due to illness: if, therefore, her mother knew she was in, it would be surprising if she didn't know why. It would therefore be odd for her mother to assume she could babysit, and for OP to have to tell her why she couldn't. Perhaps you could consider it a possibility therefore that her mother didn't know she was in till she phoned and couldn't assume it?

WalterMitty, you said "OP was asked to do a favour and she refused". You omitted to mention a number of salient facts, including that OP was ill, that her sister was also ill, and that no reason has been given why her father couldn't do the favour. But don't let things like facts get in your way.

You quoted me saying 'don't turn it into something it's not' which was in answer to Mintoil's assertions that there was an anti-feminism trend on the thread.

So, your long winded waffle isn't really relevant dearie.

I think yabu. Out of everyone, your mum having had a stomach op and infection is probably feeling a whole heap more grotty than you, your dp and dsis put together.

I get why your dad couldn't stay home or your mum and leave dad to do shopping. In the first scenario, your mum wouldn't want to be lifting the heavy shopping bags or getting jostled around the shops. In the second, even giving your dad a very specific list, I can imagine the extra it being quite stressful for your mum not knowing whether he would get everything and your dad not being sure what to substitute with in the event of things not being available.

All you were being asked to do was keep an eye on a sick child for, at most half a day.

Given that you are being hosted by your parents, watching your sister for a few hours was the very least you could do. How on earth will you manage feeling slightly grotty when you have a child yourself?

You didn't want your sister, who is unwell, to hang out at your place for a couple of hours?

You may say YANBU Bur you are certainly being pretty miserable. It's not like she's a toddler who needs running around after you just didn't want anyone in the house. Selfish and inconsiderate I'd say.

I hope you don't need to ask your mum for any favours any time soon.

dip if you are going to pull posters up on the facts at least get them right.

You might want to reread the first 10 words of the OP where she specifically said they were at home but it was NOT due to their illness.

Also the bit where she said, 'if I hadn't told her we were in, she wouldn't have even known we were available' in a later post.

Regardless of your stance on later events, it pretty clear the mother knew the OP was at home, didn't know they were unwell and could therefore potentially child mind.

It's all by the by anyway as the OP is long gone.

dip I assume you get the irony of you accusing me of trying to dictate posters' style when you are the one stomping through the thread telling everyone else off

Dipankrispaneven yes, agree!
it's only a sore throat Is really annoying me.
People do suffer differently!!
I had to have my tonsils out as an adult as i would get throat infections every few months, so bad i would be unable to eat,talk, have a temp, shivers and excruciating headaches.
I suppose that would 'just be a sore throat though'

Nope OP hasn't been back. Not surprised. Hopefully she's busy laying on the sofa whilst minding her sister.

kali i get bacterial tonsilitis frequently. One more time and the doc said she is removing them. Well, arranging to have a surgeon remove them i hope. When i get it i can barely move. I certainly cant get out of bed. Theres no way i could contemplate even looking after my own children.

The op does not desribe this at all.

Its kind of late to do a big Xmas food shop. Maybe online shopping(click n collect us free pick up) is the way forward if she is still not 100% . Would one child be such a big deal for an hour or two tho? Plenty of child friendly Xmas tv on already (needs must if you aren't 100% either).

It doesn't really matter whether one or two more children makes a difference.

The op said no. That is fine. She's allowed to say no. Nothing wrong with that. Everyone's prerogative and it shouldn't be questioned really.

Her mother's response is f@cked up though.

Fucked up? How? She's in pain, under pressure and feeling letdown so she snapped. Not saying it was a great reaction. But it's hardly fucked up.