Was I in the wrong here?

[GlamOn]

DP and I are home today (not because of our virus), and I was just getting some milk out of the microwave when I got a phone call from my Mum, asking me to look after my DSis 7 (who isn't feel well), whilst she and my Dad finish off their Christmas food shop with DSis2 and DB.

Unfortunately, myself and DP really didn't feel up to it and I declined, I said "No, sorry Mum we've both got a throa-"" and she cut off, after saying shouting fine and hanging up.

I rang back a few minutes later because I noticed a missed call from her. Her reply was when I asked why she called "I didn't mean to ring you, I meant to ring nanny". I asked why she hang up on me and her answer was "because I can't find someone to look after Dsis! You have a throat infection but you don't look after her with your throat, do you? All she has to do is sit there for a little while"

AIBU to have declined, even though we're close family? In all honesty, we didn't feel up to it and I'd just rather not. AIBU to say no other explanation than that is required to give my Mum?

She wouldn't treat a friend that way, and I'm her adult daughter who I think deserves a little bit of respect. I wouldn't dream of doing it to anyone, because I don't think it's anyone's responsibility to care for my children.

She cant do it alone

No, because her husband can!
And could thus leave the kids at home with their mother.

And Hully, really?

Bear I didn't say I needn't convincing. I wasn't even allowed to finish my sentence to her request before she hang up. If she had just said something along the lines of "Please Glam, I really need the help" I'd have done it in a flash. My sister often plays the "I feel sick" card to get away from a lot of things, so you can understand my reluctancy

I think YABU, why couldn't your sister have just curled up on your sofa with a film to make your Mum's life a bit easier? She shouldn't have snapped but she sounds quite unwell and maybe felt stressed about trying to get everything organised for Christmas dinner, that you and your DP will also be eating.

I think YABU, she's only 7. A throat infection isn't that bad.

You don't even need to explain yourself why you didn't want to have another child to look after.

You're allowed to not feel like it even if you're well.

Do the actual reson you refused to do it is because she didnt say please?

Why does it take 2 adults to do the shopping?

I guess she was probably stressed and in a hurry. She thought you'd help, you wouldn't so she had to get and try the next person in a hurry. It sounds like she has a lot on her plate with being ill and hosting.

I can't really understand you not helping out because I'll do anything my mum needs and vice versa, not really 'feeling' like it is a bit shit, I bet she didn't feel like doing all that shopping to feed you all when she's post op, in pain and has three kids in tow!

You were selfish and thoughtless I'd say.

I would have done it for her as I agree at that age they don't really need minding as such (stick on a film and provide some snacks) but YANBU to refuse if you want. It was rude of her to slam the phone down.

I was referring to lweji saying your mother should have maybe tried to convince you to have your sister as opposed to being rude.

I don't think your mother was right to be rude to you by hanging up on you but I do think you are being incredibly precious.

It sounds like most of your family are feeling unwell yet you and DP are wallowing in it a bit whilst your mother is trying to find a way to get things ready for Christmas.

If you can't make the effort to help her out for Christmas food shopping it's pretty unfair to expect to eat there.

Ah bollocks. If this was a Mother complaining that their DM wouldn't look after the Grandkids, you'd be called entitled.

YANBU

I've spoken to DP and he thinks DM is completely in the wrong because 1. We aren't that well ourselves and no one should be spoken to that way and 2. It's not just the sore throat, it's the body aches too. DSis is quite an active little girl and I'm sure she wouldn't just sit there and watch a film, that's not her character.

This is also DP house too, so if he says he doesn't want her round, what can I do? Although I will say I said no too, not just DP

She was probably rude because her DD is ill, she's recovering from an operation, she's stressed, and she's got to do the food shopping on the busiest day of the year for a meal that you are benefiting from.

She shouldn't have been rude, but surely you can understand why she was snappy - put yourself in her situation.

I think you're both being unreasonable. Your DM could have stayed home but you could have had your Dsis for a bit. There may come a time when you want some similar help from your DM or your siblings.

Exactly Carpenter. Very odd!

YABU and very mean.

You and your dad could have done the shopping and your mum stayed with your partner and sister at your house.

Cor Christmas brings out the family issues all around doesn't it?

Your mother, who has an infection after surgery is going out to buy food which you will eat, and you cant watch a child for a couple of hours cos you have a sore throat. No, cant see why she'd feel miffed at that .
No she shouldn't have yelled, but Jesus Christ how selfish are you??

If your conversation with your mother was so brief on the phone, how did you have chance to ask DP about having her.........?

It's your mother's house you'll be going to for Christmas so she might decide it's too much trouble to have you all round given the lack of support she's recieved.

It's not like a grandparent refusing to care for a child- the mother only needs to shop in order to host Christmas- for the OP and her DP!

Your DP sounds selfish, if mine told me what I could and couldn't do in my home he'd be out the door.

You were mean not to help out, it's a few hours and you just have a sore throat. Quite happy to send your ill mother shopping with a sick child to fetch food you will eat, that's really bad.

It seems the days are long gone where families helped each other out and people put others first.

And I'll mention again if she really wants her 7 year old to catch a bad throat infection.
The op didn't even have time to say what was wrong with her and explain her reasons.
Being stressed is no reason to hang up on someone.

I think yabvu. Fair enough she shouldn't have been so snappy but she sounds stressed. Honestly, two grown adults with a sore throat should be able to watch a 7 year old for a couple of hours to help out. Your mum is going out shopping with kids in tow whilst she's recovering from an op, cut her some slack and help out!

Well, if you were going to judge whether you were being reasonable or not on what your DP said, why bother posting here ?!

Seriously - your ill mother asks for you to watch your sister so she can get the shopping for your Christmas dinner and you refuse because you have a throat infection? When you've already said that's not why you're off work anyway? Are you even going to be well enough to join your family for Christmas?!

Sorry - but you are being unreasonable and precious: a 7 year old can entertain herself. You are benefiting from the dinner your ill mother is buying. Yes, she shouldn't have slammed the 'phone down- but she was probably stressed and unbelieving that her grown daughter was being so incredibly selfish. It's 2 days before Christmas, she's not at all well, she's got arrangements to get done - and you're a bit achy so can't watch a 7 year old for a few hours so your Christmas can be arranged. Honestly...

YABU - you are 2 adults with sore throats and aches, you could easily have had your 7yo sister for a couple of hours. She could have watched a DVD snuggled up on the sofa with you.

How on earth do you think parents (especially single parents) cope when they're ill?!

Not at all Carpenter (for me anyway).
I would think anyone rather selfish if they refused to look after a close family member for a few hours to help out someone who is recovering from an operation, is poorly themselves and is also hosting Christmas providing food and drinks for everyone. How hard is it to stick on the TV or get some pens and paper out? The child isn't a baby in nappies that needs constant close supervision. I don't think the OP is unreasonable to refuse as she isn't obliged to help out, but I do think it was a bit mean.