Was I in the wrong here?

[GlamOn]

DP and I are home today (not because of our virus), and I was just getting some milk out of the microwave when I got a phone call from my Mum, asking me to look after my DSis 7 (who isn't feel well), whilst she and my Dad finish off their Christmas food shop with DSis2 and DB.

Unfortunately, myself and DP really didn't feel up to it and I declined, I said "No, sorry Mum we've both got a throa-"" and she cut off, after saying shouting fine and hanging up.

I rang back a few minutes later because I noticed a missed call from her. Her reply was when I asked why she called "I didn't mean to ring you, I meant to ring nanny". I asked why she hang up on me and her answer was "because I can't find someone to look after Dsis! You have a throat infection but you don't look after her with your throat, do you? All she has to do is sit there for a little while"

AIBU to have declined, even though we're close family? In all honesty, we didn't feel up to it and I'd just rather not. AIBU to say no other explanation than that is required to give my Mum?

She wouldn't treat a friend that way, and I'm her adult daughter who I think deserves a little bit of respect. I wouldn't dream of doing it to anyone, because I don't think it's anyone's responsibility to care for my children.

Why does it take four people to do a food shop? One of them does the shop and be collected later in the car, or get a taxi.

It's not the man doing the shopping that's the issue, it's the fact the OP's mother wanted to do it and asked her daughter for assistance so that she could.

tbh the main mystery for me was that the OP mum is shopping at all if she is poorly.

I do think you were being incredibly selfish for all of the reasons pointed out above. If I were your mum I would be cancelling the dinner since you are so ill.

In regards to the Dad doing the shopping on his own, if he doesn't cook him might not know how much of stuff to get, alternatives if necessary etc, I am sure if the Dad was ok to go shopping the OP would have mentioned it by now.

That does suggest an assumption that OP would drop everything to help which wasn't warranted

I think it is quite fair to assume that a daughter would help out her mother who is recovering from an operation and needs to go shopping to buy food to feed to said daughter and partner.
I don't think that is asking or assuming too much at all.

This fucking website . If OP had expected someone to care for her child you would have leapt down her (poorly) throat.

YANBU OP, no one should expect their child should be taken off their hands unless it's by the other parent.

I agree with you Pipbin.

It sounds like the OP's mum is too ill to have to go shopping anyway.
Best solution all round would be for the OP,her DM, her DSIS and her DP to stay in their respective homes while her DDad does the shopping

I think you know the answer. You should have watched her. It was for a short while and you could of slung on a DVD.
As for her hanging up, do you usually babysit or say no regularly. To me, it sounds like she was just expecting you to say no. Its not right that she did this but we all do silly things like that when we are upset.

Dip The OP's mother knew that there was nothing for the OP to drop, and she hadn't made any assumptions that they would be in. Because the OP had already told her mother they were both home

This fucking website hmm. If OP had expected someone to care for her child you would have leapt down her (poorly) throat.

Life isn't that black and white.

Parents frequently have to suck up the fact that they are not 'entitled' to childcare from anyone else but when said childcare is in order to put the fucking food on the table for the person being asked it is very different.

If you're not prepared to help out in order to get the food then you shouldn't expect to eat the food.

I'd have to be at death's door before I refused to help someone in these circumstances even my neighbours, whose kids I can't stand . Even if I wasn't going to benefit from the shopping trip myself.

OP, who's going to be cooking this Christmas feast? Will it be your post-op mum?

The long and the short of it is that the OP expects her mother to run around after her, even when she's ill and in pain. But does not expect to put herself out in return.

Bearbehind, this is reminding of The Little Red Hen.

God forbid a man should have to do the shopping!!
Have I accidentally stumbled onto netmums hun?

Maybe.

My sympathy is entirely for your mother here. Although I agree this must be a reverse, no one could be this selfish could they? Christ on a bike.

Lol youthecat

If you are well enough to post this thread then you are well enough to have a 7 yr old sit there for an hour

Yep, this

Also, out of interest, what was the relevance of the milk in the microwave? Did I miss the reason for that tit-bit?

It certainly demonstrates that she's well enough to be up and out of bed Johnny5

I have an adult DD and a younger child. In the situation described, there is no way I would call DD to ask her to do the shopping.I would automatically assume my husband would do it.

It seems many posters assume that if the primary female is unable to perform the designated wifework, then the next available female must take her role.

Unless there is a massive dripfeed here and the OPs father is blind or something, then he should be doing it.

Its like the bloody dark ages on here today - has everyone gone mad with the Christmas Fever?

Yabvu, I'd i were you I'd drag your lazy selfish arse to your poor ill mothers, take her shopping list and go and help out and get the food yourself. Fuck me you have a sore throat not fucking leprosy. Get a grip.

Or maybe the dad who is not a leper or have a sore throat could possibly do the shopping?

mintoil it's nothing to do with the dark ages- the mother wanted to go with her husband and 3 children to do the shopping- it's not unreasonable to ask if an older sibling could look after a younger one who feels unwell before resorting to completely changing their plans

You're not wrong about the Chrismas fever however we disagree on who needs to get a grip. Why the fuck should the OP make no effort at all to assist but pitch up on Christmas Day when the hard work has been done.

When people are stressed they don't ask in the way they should and do actually mean, when will that penny drop with people.

Possibly, but given that other person doesn't necessarily know they're stressed, you aren't entitled to take further offence if they don't understand why you're being so stroppy.

Or maybe the dad who is not a leper or have a sore throat could possibly do the shopping?

Eh? Is there some kind of repeat button on here- you said that like it had never been mentioned?

There might be many reasons why this wasn't the preferred option- it really doesn't matter.

The fact is the OP can't be arsed to help her mother out when she really needed her despite the reason for the help being to the benefit of the OP.

Any other alternatives are by the by.