Was I in the wrong here?

[GlamOn]

DP and I are home today (not because of our virus), and I was just getting some milk out of the microwave when I got a phone call from my Mum, asking me to look after my DSis 7 (who isn't feel well), whilst she and my Dad finish off their Christmas food shop with DSis2 and DB.

Unfortunately, myself and DP really didn't feel up to it and I declined, I said "No, sorry Mum we've both got a throa-"" and she cut off, after saying shouting fine and hanging up.

I rang back a few minutes later because I noticed a missed call from her. Her reply was when I asked why she called "I didn't mean to ring you, I meant to ring nanny". I asked why she hang up on me and her answer was "because I can't find someone to look after Dsis! You have a throat infection but you don't look after her with your throat, do you? All she has to do is sit there for a little while"

AIBU to have declined, even though we're close family? In all honesty, we didn't feel up to it and I'd just rather not. AIBU to say no other explanation than that is required to give my Mum?

She wouldn't treat a friend that way, and I'm her adult daughter who I think deserves a little bit of respect. I wouldn't dream of doing it to anyone, because I don't think it's anyone's responsibility to care for my children.

^Your mother, who has an infection after surgery is going out to buy food which you will eat, and you cant watch a child for a couple of hours cos you have a sore throat. No, cant see why she'd feel miffed at that.
No she shouldn't have yelled, but Jesus Christ how selfish are you??^

This. Fucking hell.

I agree that she behaved badly but her day sounds awful. It was reasonable of her to expect you to help out. Saying 'I'd just rather not' does sound self-absorbed when she's buying food, while ill, to then cook it and serve it to you.

Especially as it sounds like all you had to do was turn the TV on.

I suspect that is bollocks lweji

The OPs version of the conversation doesn't add up- it can't have been anything like as abrupt as claimed given the OP had time to ask her DP about it, which she did because she said he'd said no and it was his house etc.

Ah you were identifying so strongly that I mistook you for the OP. Profound apologies.

Christ yes YABVU, surprised you had to ask.

Mother calls and asks, OP checks with DP, turns to mother and says no, begins to explain and mother hangs up.

Personally, I'd probably have said something along the lines that it was better if the sister didn't come and ask about alternatives, rather than simply no. But, in any case, I don't think the mother should have hung up, at least not until she even heard the explanation.
And I do think the mother shouldn't have assumed the daughter would simply be available to take care of her sister.

As for food shopping for 7, I don't know how they do it, but we split it in our family. I have already bought what I'm talking to my parents, so whatever food shopping they are doing is similar to what we do to them.

We're you in the wrong here? YES

Were not we're!

Cut her some slack - she's only human and trying to look after a sick child while confronting a supermarket on the busiest day of the year would make anyone snap. YANBU for being offended but YABU to not totally empathise with why she was offensive!

"I'd just rather not". This is the bit that made my eyes nearly roll out of my head

I suspect OP won't be back

If she had just said something along the lines of "Please Glam, I really need the help" I'd have done it in a flash.

You wanted your own (unwell) mother to beg to leave your sister with you for a couple of hours whilst she went out to buy your Christmas dinner??

Nice.

"I'd just rather not". This is the bit that made my eyes nearly roll out of my head

"No is a complete sentence, mater."

I love the prissy part about "can't have someone in boyfriend's house without his permission." Oh no, we musn't impose on dear, dear boyfriend, must we?

If I were the mom at this point I'd say "screw it, you both can stay home and nurse your throats christmas day too and eat McDonald's for all I care."

Your mother may have been rude in hanging up on you but you sound very selfish and inconsiderate of her. Knowing your mother was ill anyway I cannot understand why you hadn't already had some discussion with her about Christmas shopping, offering help etc, you sound very much like you take her for granted.

I'd be mortified at the idea of my ill mother facing a busy supermarket two days before Christmas but it wouldn't happen because I'd have the decency to insist on helping without waiting to be asked!

The OPs dad should be doing the shopping - with a list if necessary

YABU not sure how you will have the nerve to actually show up Christmas day!

So the food is actually going to feed you and your partner anyway?

Just pick up the phone and have her over. If you are well enough to post this thread then you are well enough to have a 7 yr old sit there for an hour.

Ha at some of these replys.

I was on my own with 4DC and seriously ill and my parents never stepped into help me out and I always did loads for them and always helped them out with money and food shopping.

OP YANBU,your not well and your mother should not have spoken to you like that.Yes she might be stressed and loosing your rag is one thing but not saying sorry after you've calmed down is not okay.

Your mum was being a little unreasonable to snap at you but I imagine that she is in pain and stressed.
She has to go out now, despite being post operation, and battle her way round the supermarket. I assume that your dad needs to go with her to help fetching and carrying.
You have a sore throats, I have taught 28 5 year olds when I've had a sore throat (I wouldn't entertain taking a day off) looking after one 7 year old in my own home would be a doddle.

She was being unreasonable to snap. You were being unreasonable to refuse.

The OPs dad should be doing the shopping - with a list if necessary

No- that's probably what will have to happen but a mother asking her daughter for help in this situation wasn't a big ask.

I'm with those who hope the mother tells OP and her DP to stay at home at Christmas and nurse their sore throats together.

A sore throat doesnt stop you being unable to have your sister sat on your sofa for two hours.

FFS, there is just no sense in dragging an already poorly child out of the house to that of someone else who will breathe further and probably different germs over her.

People are also missing the point that OP's mother went into a strop before she'd had a chance to explain. That does suggest an assumption that OP would drop everything to help which wasn't warranted, given that she couldn't even guarantee that OP would be in.

When people are stressed they don't ask in the way they should and do actually mean, when will that penny drop with people.

God forbid a man should have to do the shopping!!

Have I accidentally stumbled onto netmums hun?