Was I in the wrong here?

[GlamOn]

DP and I are home today (not because of our virus), and I was just getting some milk out of the microwave when I got a phone call from my Mum, asking me to look after my DSis 7 (who isn't feel well), whilst she and my Dad finish off their Christmas food shop with DSis2 and DB.

Unfortunately, myself and DP really didn't feel up to it and I declined, I said "No, sorry Mum we've both got a throa-"" and she cut off, after saying shouting fine and hanging up.

I rang back a few minutes later because I noticed a missed call from her. Her reply was when I asked why she called "I didn't mean to ring you, I meant to ring nanny". I asked why she hang up on me and her answer was "because I can't find someone to look after Dsis! You have a throat infection but you don't look after her with your throat, do you? All she has to do is sit there for a little while"

AIBU to have declined, even though we're close family? In all honesty, we didn't feel up to it and I'd just rather not. AIBU to say no other explanation than that is required to give my Mum?

She wouldn't treat a friend that way, and I'm her adult daughter who I think deserves a little bit of respect. I wouldn't dream of doing it to anyone, because I don't think it's anyone's responsibility to care for my children.

And the father could easily do the shopping himself.
How do you think single parents cope?

Being stressed is no reason to hang up on someone No, but it is easy to see why she might be stressed, and to try to understand why it happened. People do things, and lose their temper quicker when they are stressed, nobody's perfet. Perhaps the OP might try to understand why her mum is so stressed, instead of grumbling about how her mum spoke to her.

If my mum spoke to me like that, yes I'd be a bit miffed, but it would make me wonder what was wrong that had made her so snappy. In this case, it doesn't really take a genius to work it out!

So, let me get this right. Your mum (suffering from an infection after surgery) asked you to watch your sis for a couple hours, while she goes to buy the Christmas dinner (that you will consume) and you said no because you have a sore throat?

Your mum might have been rude but I'm willing to bet that was out of frustration. I'd probably react the same to someone who was being that selfish. Your sister is seven. Put on a film and she's sorted.

People are also underestimating sore throats. And how the op is feeling. The point here is that the mother didn't even care to listen to how the op was. She only heard the no and hung up.

UABU and your partner sounds like a major ass. Does he "expect " to be eating the food your mom shopped for?

Lots of us have aches & pains, OP, and don't use them as an excuse to shirk.

And why do people keep putting it all on the mother and forget that the dad is there too?

people are underestimating sore throats

They're really not.

Two adults with sore throats are more than capable of looking after a 7 year old in their own home for a couple of hours as opposed to a post op woman going to do a food shop on probably the busiest day of the year.

Some people really need to get a grip.

What makes its so much worse is the fact the food is for the OP!

So you are expecting your mother, who is in pain from an operation and infection, go out to do the food shop on probably the busiest day of the year - a shop that you will be benefitting from.

But you have a sore throat so aren't able to even have a 7yo in the house? becaise you don't feel like it?

I think you sound absolutely pathetic. No way should you be allowing your mother to be going out shopping for you when she's ill.

And she didn't demand. You said she asked in your OP. Ithink you're framing it as a demand now to make yoursef sounds not quite such a selfish prima donna.

Ring her back and tell her that your DP will look after your sister while you go out and do the shop.

I'm appalled at you, I really am! "I'm her adult daughter who I think deserves a little bit of respect". Really? Well she's your mother and I think she deserves some bloody help whn she's in pain.

The woman doesn't even need to go.

There is a healthy adult in this story that is being ignored.

And for all the mother knows, her dd could be shivering in bed, as she didn't even listen to her.

And there's the risk of the dd catching the throat bug and be poorly over Christmas.

But I'm repeating myself now. You go on pounding on the OP.

In all honesty it would depend on what was wrong with the child. Cough and c9ld then fine, D&V then fuck no.

The chances of my Dad getting a Christmas food shop right are slim to none.

He's not useless just doesn't cook and wouldn't know what substitutions to get for out of stock items etc.

The OP looking after her sister was probably a much easier option than the father going alone but that might well be the route the mother had to go down.

I hope OP enjoys her Christmas dinner knowing how much she did to help her mother arrange it

Have you got your own DC OP?

OP said her father is 80 and doesn't find doing the supermarket shop easy didn't she Lweji? Or did I misread that?

YABU. As for not knowing she was doing a big food shop, be realistic - I mean when else would she do it? Tomorrow is leaving it a bit late and Christmas Day is hardly a surprise event or a moveable feast is it?!

I said my dad is 80 and that he would and does do shopping often and if necessary.

I think you've got your threads crossed sparkle

This surely has to be a reverse? The mum garnering opinions about whether she was wrong to get cross?

There cannot possibly be a fully grown adult out there who refuses to look after a 7 year old so that their in-recovery-from-surgery mother can do a major shop for the food that the adult will eat, at the dinner the mother is cooking, because they have a sore throat.

She wouldn't treat a friend that way because she isn't doing a massive food shop and Christmas dinner for the friend. To be honest, if I were the mother I'd be inclined to say that if the sore throat is so bad that you can't cope with a 7 year old sat on your sofa for an hour, you'd best stay at your own house for Christmas.

It sounds as though your mum has a lot on her plate ATM and waa in a bit of a bad mood so over reacted when you said no so she is a bit U. At the same time if your sister is ill and you're ill, I see no reason why she can't come over and you can all watch TV ill together. Even more so knowing that your mum who is also ill is food shopping for your Christmas.

But agree your dad should go on his own. If he is that incapable your mum could write him a list.

Yanbu to me hurt by the way she spoke to you, but in fairness, the Xmas shop is stressful at the best of times. I think you were rather u to not of helped her out.
Its not fun having a sick kid around when your ill but its much harder for said kid to be dragged around shopping - your mum was likely very stressed at not being able to do everything (look after her child and get the shop on for all of you!) I think this situation you really should of had your dsis for a few hours

if I were the mother I'd be inclined to say that if the sore throat is so bad that you can't cope with a 7 year old sat on your sofa for an hour, you'd best stay at your own house for Christmas.

But according to the op, the mother didn't even listen to whatever reason the op had...

If you turn it around and the OP had been demanding that her mum babysit and then hung up when her mum said no, the OP would have been roasted alive!

As is often said on MN, no one is obliged to look after your child but you, and if the child is ill, exposing her to more bugs that she will potentially take home with her is not a good idea. I am another one who cant see why they both have to go shopping.