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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my neighbour should be a bit more tolerant to my dog?

253 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 12:43

At face value, I am being unreasonable. My dog barking is bothering her so she has complained.. (Loudly and rudely.)

And it is true, my dog has a problem with barking when I go out, I've written about it on here before and there's no getting away from the fact that it is a huge issue.

But I am aware of it, and how awful it must be to listen to through a wall, so we very rarely leave him, and if we do, we usually drop him off somewhere or have someone come here.

An unavoidable time is the school run, which takes 15 minutes at 8.45, and I put down his breakfast and shut him in the laundry room on the other side of the house when I do that. I've stopped accepting play dates, I don't go out for days, I'm a stay at home mum and he doesn't bark while I'm here.

Last night my DH and I took out oldest daughter to the theatre, and my mum was looking after my youngest so all should've been fine, except she had an emergency and had to leave and take my daughter with her so he was barking from about 9.30 until 11. (It's not constant barking, it's if someone slams a car door etc nearby.) I know this because my friend who lives opposite walked by during this time and said it was silent.

So at 9am today my neighbour knocked on the door and went crazy at me (so much so I was in tears) about my dog. That I need to get rid of him and how terrible an owner I am because he barked at 11 and her husband could hear it.

I'm trying everything. Doggy day care has him on a waiting list, I've bought a crate, a citronella collar, we've been to dog school, walked him more... He has separation anxiety so we try as much as possible to not leave him and very rarely (like last night) this will fall apart... But I don't think one evening (which was a one off as we are usually home) isn't just cause to act the way she did?

They had building work for over a week when I had a newborn and I didn't complain. They had a party which was very loud that they didn't apologise for, and they play piano against my living room wall.... But I have never complained because that's life in a semi detached house.

AIBU? (Dons hard hat!)

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 22/12/2015 17:42

Mary, can you really not see that there is a huge difference between building works and noise caused by a permanent member of your household? Here's a hint, one is temporary the other isn't.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 17:48

Where have I said it's the same?

OP posts:
kali110 · 22/12/2015 17:52

MRy i don't have dogs now, but i have heard how good kongs are ( except for one horrifying incident but believe it was a freak accident)

What about assistance animals? Are they dumb too?

itsmine · 22/12/2015 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 18:00

Itsmine - there was so much more in that post that you have chosen to ignore.

OP posts:
itsmine · 22/12/2015 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maybebabybee · 22/12/2015 18:17

Mary my point wasn't that your dog was like a pig BTW, my point was just that I put animals lives on the same level regardless of what they are.

Im on your side!

AnthonyBlanche · 22/12/2015 18:29

maybe and Lea if all animals lives are "on the same level* how do you reconcile the fact that dogs are fed the meat of other animals, which must surely contribute to the total number of animals killed by humans for food?

If people don't keep dogs as pets would that not at least reduce the number of farmed animals killed for food? Or is it possible to (and do you) feed dogs a vegetarian diet?

VenusRising · 22/12/2015 18:32

You and your neighbour need mediation.
They have a legitimate claim that your dog is disturbing them.

No matter how cute and fuzzy your dog is it's causing pain to a neighbour.

You need to sort it out, before your neighbour slaps an asbo / civil injury case on you.

Your neighbour has a right to a peaceful enjoyment of her life in her house.

You must respect that.

You have a family dog who means something special to you, but it causes a problem, and maybe not just to the neighbour who complains.

You need to sort this out respectfully before your neighbour kills your dog, or starts shouting at your kids, or starts revenge noise at night or something.

Fwiw, having noisy neighbour's does drive you up the wall.

You are responsible for making your neighbour's life so unpleasant and bad, that they have complained loudly to you twice.

You need to sort it out and I suggest you see a mediator, and ask all of your neighbour's to attend the meetings. You may be surprised to hear that you are universally despised!!!

You may have to rehome your dog, or install soundproofing in your neighbour's home if you refuse to rehome your noisy dog.

Stop complaining about your sensitive neighbour, get a mediator, take responsibility and SORT IT OUT!

LovelyFriend · 22/12/2015 18:36

To me a dog barking is one of the sounds of insanity. It really builds up an anxiety and tension inside me. I don't think I'm alone in having this reaction.

Yes you are making big efforts to address this problem, but your neighbours are still hearing the barking twice most days. I wouldn't want to live next door to you at all I'm afraid.

Barking all evening must have been the icing on the cake.

Roseformeplease · 22/12/2015 18:41

Not a dog person but isn't there a website / app called borrowmydoggie or something? Might someone want to "share" your dog and take it out while you drop at school? Read about it but have no experience of it. Worth a look?

ElderlyKoreanLady · 22/12/2015 18:43

Though I can see you've done quite a bit to reduce the barking and agree that your neighbour shouldn't have gone so far as to reduce you to tears, I have to say I'm with your neighbour on this issue.

Slightly different situation, but my upstairs neighbour is about to find out from our HA that he has 2 weeks to rehome his dog. After 1.5 years of it getting progressively worse, I've had enough. Neighbour got a new job that had him starting at 4:30am and I have a 1yo DD who was getting woken. I'd put up with so much that the neighbour fully expected me to put up with this indefinitely without complaint.

Because it's noise from a dog, your neighbour will be extremely frustrated knowing that short of you spending a lot of money ensuring the dog is never alone, or even rehoming it, there is no solution that means this disturbance will stop soon.

3sugarsplease · 22/12/2015 18:49

OP are you my neighbour too....?

Although I can understand you have tried everything to stop your dog barking... It still doesn't help the fact that this is all your neighbour can hear. I am in the same position as your neighbour. Her dogs bark day-night, summer to winter and it makes being at home not a pleasant experience. Although the way she reacted could have been OTT it sound like they are at the end of their tether...

kali110 · 22/12/2015 18:52

VenusRising
Think that is a really good post

3sugarsplease · 22/12/2015 19:26

What Venus said...

Perniciousness · 22/12/2015 19:39

Your neighbour sounds rude but I would hate to,have to,listen to,a dog barking even if it wasn't for hours on end. Barking is incredibly irritating.

Veterinari · 22/12/2015 19:46

Mary you really need to see an APBC accredited behaviourist for an appropriate counter conditioning programme plus medication to control the dog's anxiety.

The fact that you mention a citronella collar tells me the advice you've been getting is inappropriate. Police dog handlers are not behaviourists - this is not a training problem it is an anxiety problem and you can't train anxiety out of a dog any more than a human.

Punishment methods such as citronella only increase fear and anxiety and make this type of problem worse

Please google Asdociation of Pet Behaviour counsellors and get some qualified advice. You don't have to live like this

WheresWallyNow · 22/12/2015 19:56

Don't think anyone has suggested a Thundershirt yet?

They're about £35 from Pets at Home, and come with a money back guarantee. Has the same effect as swaddling a baby, it's slightly weighted and naturally calms the dog.

Worked wonders with mine when everything else failed trying to deal with seperation anxiety. How big is your dog? I don't need to use ours anymore as Wallydog is now fine being left alone, if you want to PM your address I'll quite happily pop one in the post.

Booboostwo · 22/12/2015 20:01

Please listen to veterinary. The help you have been getting sounds very poor. Get a decent behaviourist as above (I also gave you the link before) and in the meanwhile try Prozac (if that doesn't work there are other options).

Figmentofmyimagination · 22/12/2015 20:22

Cranking up the central heating really high before you go out is one idea. Also, if he's reacting visually eg to movement he can see through the glass at the front door, maybe install some thick dark curtains across the door? And get rid of any letter box in your front door - switch to a box - and try and avoid online shopping etc. This is an especially hard time of year for barky dogs - especially in that morning slot - because of all the random parcels arriving. On top of the daily 15 mins of barking there are probably lots of enthusiastic and possibly vocal rushes to the front door even though you are there. You have my sympathy! Cockers are gorgeous dogs and very popular, but they have a reputation for separation anxiety and as vocal barkers.

Don't get two dogs - that is a really bad idea.

kilmuir · 22/12/2015 20:31

anti barking collars are cruel
15 mins a day is nothing. your neighbour can not expect complete silence alll the time! the night time barking was a one off, nothing you could have done about that.

AnthonyBlanche · 22/12/2015 21:14

kilmuir (interesting name btw, do you live there?) I don't suppose the OPs neighbour does expect complete silence - she just wants not to be subjected to continuous barking every time the OPs dog is left alone. As many other posters have said living right next door to a yapping dog is awful.

itsmine · 22/12/2015 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlatOnTheHill · 22/12/2015 21:37

Our family dog barks if we put it in the garden for the toilet. Drives us nuts and its our dog. I think your neighbour must be at the end of their tether. In saying that OP I know the love we all have for our dogs so its a difficult one. But I would be fuming if I had to listen to barking for more than 10 mins. Good luck. From a fellow dog lover

Kikigetty · 22/12/2015 21:39

God they should try living below my neighbours. They leave their young dog alone all day whilst working from 7-5ish. It cries and barks endlessly. It's both very upsetting and annoying to listen to. If it is occasional barking then it should be tolerated as dogs do bark. If it's constant or very early/late then something needs to be done.

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