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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my neighbour should be a bit more tolerant to my dog?

253 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 12:43

At face value, I am being unreasonable. My dog barking is bothering her so she has complained.. (Loudly and rudely.)

And it is true, my dog has a problem with barking when I go out, I've written about it on here before and there's no getting away from the fact that it is a huge issue.

But I am aware of it, and how awful it must be to listen to through a wall, so we very rarely leave him, and if we do, we usually drop him off somewhere or have someone come here.

An unavoidable time is the school run, which takes 15 minutes at 8.45, and I put down his breakfast and shut him in the laundry room on the other side of the house when I do that. I've stopped accepting play dates, I don't go out for days, I'm a stay at home mum and he doesn't bark while I'm here.

Last night my DH and I took out oldest daughter to the theatre, and my mum was looking after my youngest so all should've been fine, except she had an emergency and had to leave and take my daughter with her so he was barking from about 9.30 until 11. (It's not constant barking, it's if someone slams a car door etc nearby.) I know this because my friend who lives opposite walked by during this time and said it was silent.

So at 9am today my neighbour knocked on the door and went crazy at me (so much so I was in tears) about my dog. That I need to get rid of him and how terrible an owner I am because he barked at 11 and her husband could hear it.

I'm trying everything. Doggy day care has him on a waiting list, I've bought a crate, a citronella collar, we've been to dog school, walked him more... He has separation anxiety so we try as much as possible to not leave him and very rarely (like last night) this will fall apart... But I don't think one evening (which was a one off as we are usually home) isn't just cause to act the way she did?

They had building work for over a week when I had a newborn and I didn't complain. They had a party which was very loud that they didn't apologise for, and they play piano against my living room wall.... But I have never complained because that's life in a semi detached house.

AIBU? (Dons hard hat!)

OP posts:
aginghippy · 22/12/2015 13:48

Barking dogs are annoying. I say that as the owner of a dog who sometimes barks.

OTOH you do not have to tolerate her coming to your door to verbally abuse you. I would disengage from these people as far as possible. Whatever you do, they will never be satisfied.

AnthonyBlanche · 22/12/2015 13:53

I agree with whether, barking dogs are awful and can really disrupt an otherwise peaceful neighbourhood. OP until you can sort your dog out so that it doesn't bark don't leave it alone.

Years ago I lived in a terraced house and neighbour got a dog. I used to fantasise about going round and bludgeoning both the neighbour and her ugly yapping dog with a big stick when the yapping woke me in the middle of the night. Problem was solved when the dog was run over becuase she let it out to wander - karma!

The person who dumped his neighbours dog sounds as if he went a bit OTT but listening to a dog barking is not pleasant for neighbours.

howtorebuild · 22/12/2015 13:53

My new neighbours have spent months noisily including dentist drill sounds renovating their home, it's bliss compared to the previous residents and their barking dogs.

maybebabybee · 22/12/2015 13:55

Problem was solved when the dog was run over becuase she let it out to wander - karma!

Oh that is charming.

Funny how parents of crying babies that annoy their neighbours don't get a flaming on MN.

AnthonyBlanche · 22/12/2015 13:58

maybe that would be because people are more important than dogs - at least they are to any normal person. No babies = end of human race. No dogs = increased happiness for people who have to put up with other people's yapping must.

AnthonyBlanche · 22/12/2015 13:59

mutts not must

maybebabybee · 22/12/2015 14:01

I agree, but you're still berating the OP for something that is outside of her control. She is not leaving the dog locked in a room making no attempt to help it. She is doing her best.

KakiFruit · 22/12/2015 14:01

YANBU. Incessant barking would be a different story, but it is NOT unreasonable to have it for 15 minutes, especially when you've done all you can to minimise it.

ZedWoman · 22/12/2015 14:01

I think YABU to expect anyone to be understanding today.

It is the second day of the school holidays and, IMO, MNers are out for bloody today....

gatewalker · 22/12/2015 14:04

I'm wondering if those who are saying the neighbour is BU are generally dog-owners themselves. As a non-dog-owner who is unused to dogs, and with a NDN whose dog sometimes barks incessantly when they are out, I absolutely cannot 'switch off' or have it absorb into the background. I associate dog-barking with an alarm call, and so I, too, become vigilant. It's fucking annoying and draining.

Luckily, my NDN and I have a pretty good relationship, and I tend to let them know very calmly if their pooch has been barking all day. They do their best. But so are we here, next door. It's not ideal, but I'd rather negotiate than shout, and if negotiation breaks down, then there are other, legal, avenues to pursue other than retribution.

I feel for you, OP, and I absolutely understand your neighbour's anger, and while their outburst was rude, I also know what happens when someone's patience is pushed past breaking point.

MrsBertMacklin · 22/12/2015 14:04

Problem was solved when the dog was run over becuase she let it out to wander - karma!

Not 'karma' for the dog, who presumably died in some pain and is incapable of cognitive thought so didn't realise his barking was causing a nuisance or annoyance.

OP I would ask for this to be moved to the Dog forum in here, threads about animals in AIBU always attract this type of poster.

potap123 · 22/12/2015 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chattymummyhere · 22/12/2015 14:13

gatewalker

I have dogs and can't stand hearing others dogs barking and it really annoys me when I have to bring mine in because theirs won't shut up. My current neighbour has just lost one dog so now the other over compensates with barking, then her parents bring the bloody yappy football sized thing and I don't even get to use my own garden as the football cones running and jumping at my fence barking the whole time Angry

So nope not just non owners this bugs.

AnthonyBlanche · 22/12/2015 14:13

The karma comment was for my ex- neighbour Bert I don't think the dog suffered, ex-neighbour told me it died instantly. She was most put out that the car driver expected her to pay for the damage caused by her allowing her dog to run out in front of his car.

OP, I know you are trying hard to make sure your dog doesn't annoy your neighbour with barking, but think of how irritated you would be if your neighbour started playing drums at 11pm which were so loud they woke you / stopped you getting to sleep.

Nataleejah · 22/12/2015 14:15

Yanbu.
Your dog is a work in progress

nbee84 · 22/12/2015 14:15

I'm sure someone will reply to say it was cruel and I was unsure to start with but we used a muzzle on our dog when we went out (never for more than hour or so as i worked at home) It was a soft fabric one that was designed so that the dog could open his mouth enough to lap water but not enough to bark.
Our problems started after we moved house and he used to bark constantly while we were out. We tried all the things you have and someone suggested the muzzle. It did the trick for us and our dog was quite happy to sit at our feet and have it put on after the initial few days. I think we used for around 6 months or so and a couple of times we went out forgetting to put it on and when we came back he wasn't barking so I think the habit had been broken and we didn't need to use it anymore.

Seeyounearertime · 22/12/2015 14:15

My NDN dog often barks for hours.

But i swear i suffer with Misophonia:
Sufferers experience fight/flight symptoms such as sweating, muscle tension, and quickened heartbeat. Some are also affected by visual stimuli, such as repetitive foot or body movements, fidgeting, or movement they observe out of the corners of their eyes. Intense anxiety and avoidance behaviour often develops, which can lead to decreased socialization. Some people feel the compulsion to mimic what they hear or see. Mimicry is an automatic, non-conscious, and social phenomenon. It has a palliative aspect, making the sufferer feel better. The act of mimicry can elicit compassion and empathy, which ameliorates and lessens hostility, competition, and opposition. There is also a biological basis for how mimicry reduces the suffering from a trigger.

Individual reports of extreme emotions in response to triggers have been empirically validated by measuring the skin conductance of misophonic individuals exposed to sustained trigger stimuli. Skin conductance began increasing 2 seconds after trigger onset and continued to increase for the duration of the trigger.

So if your neighbours are reacting badly they too may suffer misophonia and effectively it makes your dog barking less than trivial, more like torture.

KakiFruit · 22/12/2015 14:19

gatewalker I've never been a dog owner and I'm very intolerant to noise. I still think the neighbour is unreasonable.

howtorebuild · 22/12/2015 14:19

I have as messed up autonomic system seeyou and it affects my flight and fight, I agree with your theory.

maybebabybee · 22/12/2015 14:20

Another one who doesn't own a dog and thinks the neighbour IBU.

PeasinPod1 · 22/12/2015 14:21

Sorry Op doesn't sound like you have done everything i.e.. been to see a dog behaviourist or trainer for 1-1 work. A close freind is 1 of these, she's literally a dog whisperer and has resolved every imaginable issue in every breed of dog so I know it works.

Booboostwo · 22/12/2015 14:25

Citronella collars and similar aversive techniques are a very bad idea and may make the problem worse.

A crate may help but you must train the dog to it, has the behaviourist given you advice on how to do that?

Adaptil and Zylkene are obvious thoughts for this kind of problem, didn't the behaviourist mention them? If they are not effective Prozac is also worth a try (for that you need a prescription from the vet).

It sounds like you are trying your best to deal with this but I wonder if your behaviourist hasn't given you the best advice out there. Maybe try someone else? People on these lists tend to be decent
apdt.com
www.apbc.org.uk

Seeyounearertime · 22/12/2015 14:28

howtorebuild

Sucks doesn't it?
To me its like someone scraping their nails on a chalk board and I stop them or escape.
I've even gone to the library with my DD in her PJs to get away from it. Sad

Seeyounearertime · 22/12/2015 14:29

board and I cant stop them

TheFairyCaravan · 22/12/2015 14:31

I don't own a dog and I'm on the side of the neighbour.

My very lovely neighbour has 2 dogs. The day she moved in they barked all day. She came round and apologised saying they were unsettled due to the move. We'd already guessed that and told her not to worry. If the dogs have a bad day she apologises, but we very rarely hear them.

The people over the back from us have the most annoying fucking dog on this earth. It barks and barks all day. It does not give up and it pisses me off. 15 minutes of a dog barking is like a banging headache. They let it out after midnight and it fucking barks. They give not 2 shits if anyone asks them to take it in or do something about it.

If I had had to listen to a barking dog for 2 hours last night I wouldn't be best pleased either.