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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my neighbour should be a bit more tolerant to my dog?

253 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 12:43

At face value, I am being unreasonable. My dog barking is bothering her so she has complained.. (Loudly and rudely.)

And it is true, my dog has a problem with barking when I go out, I've written about it on here before and there's no getting away from the fact that it is a huge issue.

But I am aware of it, and how awful it must be to listen to through a wall, so we very rarely leave him, and if we do, we usually drop him off somewhere or have someone come here.

An unavoidable time is the school run, which takes 15 minutes at 8.45, and I put down his breakfast and shut him in the laundry room on the other side of the house when I do that. I've stopped accepting play dates, I don't go out for days, I'm a stay at home mum and he doesn't bark while I'm here.

Last night my DH and I took out oldest daughter to the theatre, and my mum was looking after my youngest so all should've been fine, except she had an emergency and had to leave and take my daughter with her so he was barking from about 9.30 until 11. (It's not constant barking, it's if someone slams a car door etc nearby.) I know this because my friend who lives opposite walked by during this time and said it was silent.

So at 9am today my neighbour knocked on the door and went crazy at me (so much so I was in tears) about my dog. That I need to get rid of him and how terrible an owner I am because he barked at 11 and her husband could hear it.

I'm trying everything. Doggy day care has him on a waiting list, I've bought a crate, a citronella collar, we've been to dog school, walked him more... He has separation anxiety so we try as much as possible to not leave him and very rarely (like last night) this will fall apart... But I don't think one evening (which was a one off as we are usually home) isn't just cause to act the way she did?

They had building work for over a week when I had a newborn and I didn't complain. They had a party which was very loud that they didn't apologise for, and they play piano against my living room wall.... But I have never complained because that's life in a semi detached house.

AIBU? (Dons hard hat!)

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 16:58

I completely appreciate the impact noise can have on your life, and I know that a barking dog is among the most annoying, which is why I stay in / leave him with someone / am on the waiting list for doggy day care / saw our vet / went to training / got a behaviourist / had a session with a police dog handler / bought a crate / ordered a citronella collar / started a thread about a second dog / tried everything.

But everything else aside, I think my neighbour was unjustifiably rude. And I don't think my situation is the same as some of those described where dogs are allowed to bark all day and night.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 17:00

Palomb, I don't live on a housing estate. And he doesn't bark all the time. I minimise it as much as humanly possible with all the methods mentioned on this thread.

OP posts:
WoeBetidings · 22/12/2015 17:03

I'm no expert but are those collars not cruel? I thought the whole point of them was that dogs hated citronella?

I can't see how squirting an unpleasant substance in a dogs face, while it is anxious will make things any better?

My dog owning, dog obsessed friend swears by clicker training and positive training. Her dog is perfectly behaved despite the fact that she has never so much as raised her voice at him.

maybebabybee · 22/12/2015 17:05

Palomb that's vile and the neighbour should have been prosecuted. I assume by your logic if anyone makes me lose my rag it is perfectly OK to murder them?

Fucking hell.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 22/12/2015 17:05

Maybe you should go round and go nuts at her next time they're playing the piano, having a party, etc?

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 17:08

But I wouldn't... Because I appreciate that living in a semi detached house means that you're going to hear noise. I had the most terrible newborn, she had reflux and I had PND and every second of her sleep was hard work... But they were having work done and the drilling woke her up every day. I would still never have dreamed of screaming in someone's face... Even at my lowest.

OP posts:
Palomb · 22/12/2015 17:09

That's some extrapolation! That isn't what i said, or meant, and you know it.

Penfold007 · 22/12/2015 17:10

MaryPoppins as your Epsom based can I suggest contacting Harry at www.imber-court-dog-training.co.uk/. He's a kind and very experienced dog handler and trainer who does home visits etc.

OnlyLovers · 22/12/2015 17:11

To be fair, Palomb isn't exactly condoning that incident.

OP, I agree with your last post. I think there has to be a bit of accommodating/trying to understand/putting up with shit when you share a wall or a building or whatever.

I say that not wanting AT ALL to minimise how annoying the barking must be. I just think it's a fairly extreme reaction to come and scream in a neighbour's face about it.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 17:12

Is that Royvon? That's round there, and that's where we went for training..?

OP posts:
AnthonyBlanche · 22/12/2015 17:12

maybe dogs may be like children to some people, but let's not lose sight of the fact that they are not in fact children, or even human. They are animals the same as cows, sheep and pigs.

kali110 · 22/12/2015 17:14

That doesn't mean people don't love them the same.

maybebabybee · 22/12/2015 17:15

My logic applies to all animals, including cows and pigs, if you must be pedantic about it.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 17:15

They're not the same as cows, sheep or pigs. We don't raise them for meat... We breed them as companions and to assist in our lives. Dogs are amazing, intelligent animals.

OP posts:
LeaLeander · 22/12/2015 17:18

I don't subscribe to the notion that humans are superior to animals. In fact when you think about it, if we all disappeared tomorrow this planet would become a paradise for most other species in very short order.

Some domesticated animals might have a hard time of it but on the other hand millions of them a day would not be subjected to slaughter and horrific abuse either. We have zero claim to superiority, at any rate, and I would never prioritize human well-being over animals' any day.

Penfold007 · 22/12/2015 17:18

No not Royvon. I can highly recommend Imber Court Dog Training.

AnthonyBlanche · 22/12/2015 17:24

okaaay then Lea..... I look forward to the day that we have animal NHS and large predators are not prevented from eating humans........ Slowly backs away from crazy lady....

AnthonyBlanche · 22/12/2015 17:26

Mary dogs are no more intelligent than pigs.

greyselegy · 22/12/2015 17:26

Lots of people will probably dislike this, but here's a suggestion that would solve the problem here.

My friend, who really loves dogs (me, not so much) had the same problem; one of her dogs barked lots when when she was away, annoying a neighbour. Her solution? She bought an 'anti-barking collar', which is a collar that delivers a small electric shock to its wearer when this wearer barked. A few days later, dog had stopped barking, neighbour was happy, dog no longer needed the collar. Solved.

At first I thought this was cruel. My friend convinced me it's no more cruel than any other way of training a dog to fit in with the people who keep it alive. Anyway, as I said, she's a real dog person, breeds them, does all sorts with them. She always has lots of them around; they're a really important part of her life. Her solution, in the end, seemed to me a good one.

I'm not sure where you buy these anti-barking collars. Should be easy to find, though.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 17:28

I did see those in my desperation... But they're seriously cruel... (And illegal?)

www.telegraph.co.uk/lifestyle/pets/8646521/Owner-who-put-electric-shock-collar-on-dog-is-fined-2000.html

OP posts:
LeaLeander · 22/12/2015 17:33

Pigs have the intelligence level of a three-year-old human by most accounts. here's more:
news.discovery.com/animals/iq-tests-suggest-pigs-are-smart-as-dogs-chimps-150611.htm

HicDraconis · 22/12/2015 17:34

We had a similar issue with our dog - the neighbours complained to the council about him barking. He barks intermittently when strangers walk by on the path below or when visitors arrive.

The dog behaviourist we saw suggested we do the following :

  1. Good long walks daily (he had 45-60 mins 5 days a week, we've increased it)
  2. No food - ever - in bowls. Kongs, puzzle toys, in the middle of an empty cereal box that he has to shred to get at - anything to make it a game. Put a partial amount of kibble in each toy and know how many food toys make up one day's meals. Give him the most difficult ones when you're out of the house, to keep his mind occupied.
  3. Time out. We have a trigger phrase "too bad" when unwanted behaviour is displayed. Now as soon as we say it he runs immediately to the time out room (it's the middle floor loo - boring but safe) and is allowed out again when he's quiet. Obviously you have to be at home for this.
  4. Crate training. He sleeps in his crate at night anyway, always has done. We put him there with a food toy if we're going out and can't take him - but we also put a blanket over the top so it's cosy and dark. He's less stressed in his doggy cave with treats :)

Now we can go out and leave him in the garden, or crate, or wandering around the house and according to our other neighbours, his barking is almost non existent and they don't notice it at all. Took over 6 months of patience and being very consistent.

AnthonyBlanche · 22/12/2015 17:38

Mary. Trade your dog for a pig? Definitely no barking from a pig. I believe they make excellent pets, and as Lea and I have both pointed out they are as intelligent as dogs.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 22/12/2015 17:40

My neighbour told me a while ago that my dog barks/howls when I'm out. No screaming and she said she wasn't complaining but thought I might like to know incase dog is upset, etc.

I only work three days a week, have a dog walker who comes in on those days, and dd is home mid afternoon from school and all holidays. I have since got the dog a Kong which I fill with Frozen dairylea cheese and also leave the radio on. I don't know if things are better, I did tell neighbour if it continues to be a problem to let me know.

I know that dog barks at postman even if I'm in.

I sometimes hear the neighbours dog barking, I sometimes hear their music.

LeaLeander · 22/12/2015 17:41

When my rescue Chihuahuas were babies, I (a novice dog owner) read in a book that dogs are foragers and feeding them in a bowl is unnatural.

Because there are two of them and I need to know who eats what, I do feed a portion of their breakfast in bowls.

But I reserve the rest and as I leave for work each morning I fling it across the large kitchen floor, so it scatters widely. they are so busy running around snarfing it up they don't even notice that I leave. In fact as they sense my activities are leading up to departure (putting on coat, etc) they jump around excitedly and nuzzle one another in anticipation.

The other day I popped back in for my umbrella and not 10 min after I left they each already were curled in a bed napping after their chow. Never a moment of separation anxiety at home or when I take them visiting.

Not sure if this would help with an older dog but for those adopting new pets it might be worth a try...

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