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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my neighbour should be a bit more tolerant to my dog?

253 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 12:43

At face value, I am being unreasonable. My dog barking is bothering her so she has complained.. (Loudly and rudely.)

And it is true, my dog has a problem with barking when I go out, I've written about it on here before and there's no getting away from the fact that it is a huge issue.

But I am aware of it, and how awful it must be to listen to through a wall, so we very rarely leave him, and if we do, we usually drop him off somewhere or have someone come here.

An unavoidable time is the school run, which takes 15 minutes at 8.45, and I put down his breakfast and shut him in the laundry room on the other side of the house when I do that. I've stopped accepting play dates, I don't go out for days, I'm a stay at home mum and he doesn't bark while I'm here.

Last night my DH and I took out oldest daughter to the theatre, and my mum was looking after my youngest so all should've been fine, except she had an emergency and had to leave and take my daughter with her so he was barking from about 9.30 until 11. (It's not constant barking, it's if someone slams a car door etc nearby.) I know this because my friend who lives opposite walked by during this time and said it was silent.

So at 9am today my neighbour knocked on the door and went crazy at me (so much so I was in tears) about my dog. That I need to get rid of him and how terrible an owner I am because he barked at 11 and her husband could hear it.

I'm trying everything. Doggy day care has him on a waiting list, I've bought a crate, a citronella collar, we've been to dog school, walked him more... He has separation anxiety so we try as much as possible to not leave him and very rarely (like last night) this will fall apart... But I don't think one evening (which was a one off as we are usually home) isn't just cause to act the way she did?

They had building work for over a week when I had a newborn and I didn't complain. They had a party which was very loud that they didn't apologise for, and they play piano against my living room wall.... But I have never complained because that's life in a semi detached house.

AIBU? (Dons hard hat!)

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 16:32

Itsmine - we probably don't live in the same area then?

I need a day care that will pick him up and drop him off or I won't be able to get him there, I viewed one where I thought the proximity to a major road was too much of a risk and I'm on the waiting list for my most local one.

I've also said that I'm looking for a walker to take him during school run times...

OP posts:
chocadd1ct · 22/12/2015 16:32

just saw that you missed your DC's therapy appointment. I have a child with SN and know how hard it is to get Salt. If you prioritise your dog over your child's needs then you clearly haven't got the priorities right. that is just crazy Shock

kali110 · 22/12/2015 16:33

No pets are family to people who have noone
People who have no family or don't have kids.
My pets mean everything to me as i have lost a lot of family.
I may now never be able to have kids so they are my substitute.
Again, i live next to a dog that barks a hell of a lot more than 15 minutes a day.

WoeBetidings · 22/12/2015 16:33

Sorry I meant ask if any neighbours would care for your dog when you have to go out.

This dog only lives with my NDN when his original owner goes out.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 16:33

And you think it's crazy to miss things so my dog doesn't bark... So would you endorse me going out and leaving him then?

OP posts:
kali110 · 22/12/2015 16:34

The reason i've never complained about the dog?
It belongs to an elderly lady who has no family.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 16:34

Choc - I didn't miss an appointment with SALT, we're still waiting for that, hopefully January. We missed a session with a private lady we found in the interim.

OP posts:
milkmilklemonade12 · 22/12/2015 16:34

I don't like when parents tie their dogs up outside the school gate. I'm sure they know their dog is friendly, but I don't and my DC is scared of them. I don't having to walk past 8 or 9 dogs all who want to come and say hello, when my DC are terrified and several are bigger than them. To my 5 year old, it's as big as a horse coming up and having a sniff at him.

I think the OP is being decent by respecting this. And actually, as she's a SAHM it's not like the dog is barking for hours and hours every day alone. I think she's trying to be responsible by doing something about it for the 20-30 minutes a day the dog does have to be alone! And PTS?! Why has anyone mentioned that?! How bloody ridiculous!

OP, have any other neighbours complained? I like the suggestion of asking other neighbours if they can hear the dog. Perhaps speak to the postman? They often come when I'm out

kali110 · 22/12/2015 16:36

Op don't blane you for ignoring some postsrs on here, it's no wonder rescues are full when some people just give their pets up when a problem arises.

itsmine · 22/12/2015 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shoeaddict83 · 22/12/2015 16:37

Sorry but agree its crazy to let a dog run your life. i had a dog with my ex, unfortunately in the split he went with the ex, so im not a non-dog owner preaching, but i would never have stopped my life to pander to him. I loved him and certainly didnt do anything detrimental to him, but would not cancel important appointments or not take my child to - as you described it - much needed social time! Seems the dog is dictating how you live your life!

also to everyone saying neighbour is overreacting, i agree she went about it the wrong way and should not have ranted and shouted as a calm conversation may have been better, but until you have had to live next to a dogs incessant barking - whether its a daily 15 mins or hours - you dont know how annoying and stressful it can be especially when its no fault of your own.And by OP's own admission this is something thats been going on a long time not just the last week or so! The odd noisy bbq in the summer in the garden, or a bit of DIY once in a blue moon does not compare to daily annoyance!

AnthonyBlanche · 22/12/2015 16:40

MaryPoppins you are certainly getting a hard time on this thread.

However, I think a lot of those responses are from people who have themselves suffered from neighbours barking dogs. Unless you have suffered the same yourself I don't think you should conclude that your neighbours have blown things out of proportion. Unless it has happened to you won't understand just what a negative effect constant yapping can have. How would you feel if your neighbours played the bagpipes so loudly you couldn't hear your TV every evening from 9 to 9.20?

OnlyLovers · 22/12/2015 16:42

itsmine, 'if it barked non stop while you walked into school with her I doubt you'd be very popular.'

The OP hasn't mentioned the dog barking when he's outside.

Asshole, you sound like one.

JohnLuther · 22/12/2015 16:44

OP I apologise if I'm wrong but are you the one who left their dog out in the garden and it barked for hours or something similar?

trixymalixy · 22/12/2015 16:44

My neighbour had a dog that was a total nightmare. It barked at EVERYTHING! They didn't walk it and instead let it into the garden to do its business at somewhere between 11pm and 1pm every night where it would bark like crazy. I was on my knees with tiredness as DS was a little baby and wouldn't sleep and they always picked the moment as I'd just dropped off to let it out.

You couldn't talk to them about it though as they insisted that the dog never barked unnecessarily Hmm. Dog owners never seem to notice how annoying their dogs are, so OP if you realise it's annoying then it must be really really bad!!!

I have to say I did a mental fist pump when they told me their dog had gone missing while putting on a sympathetic face.

maybebabybee · 22/12/2015 16:46

Dogs are like children to some people. Sneer at it all you want but it doesn't make their feelings invalid.

Quite disgusted by some of the comments on this thread.

OpenDoorAsshole · 22/12/2015 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Viviennemary · 22/12/2015 16:52

A barking dog next door can make somebody's life a misery. There's no getting away from that. Why should people be tolerant of their lives being made a misery.

ilovesooty · 22/12/2015 16:53

It's not a mongrel.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 16:53

Hope this helps asshole ;)

www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/mongrel

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 22/12/2015 16:53

Asshole, I think everyone gets your point of view. Maybe tone it down a bit now?

TheFairyCaravan · 22/12/2015 16:53

I think some people are minimising the impact the dog could be having on the neighbour. I don't sleep well, due to pain and disabilities, if I had been awake until 3am and a dog woke me, barking for 15 minutes, at 8:45 every bloody morning I would be angry.

The neighbour might be an insomniac, she might have other sleep issues or she just might like a bit if peace and quiet first thing in the morning and it's not a lot to ask to not have a dog barking every, single day.

WoeBetidings · 22/12/2015 16:54
Hmm

Dogs can make wonderful additions to a family and can bring much joy to the family.

They are more than just "filthy loud mongrels"

My DS loves going out with my friend and her dog. If I didn't work I'd have one in a flash myself, just for the extra social interaction they bring to your life.

You're being quite goady Asshole.

Palomb · 22/12/2015 16:55

I would hate you if you were my neighbour. Dogs barking is one of those noises that goes right through me and TBH it would make me ill if I had to listen to it for any length of time. I would
Complain every moment I could to the council/environmental health/your landlord.

There was a pilot who drowned his neighbours dog in a water butt because he had finally had enough after many years of listening to it yap. While I could never if a million years do anything like that i can sympathise with him having lost his rag at the moment and think the ultimate blame lies with the dogs owner.

Barking dogs have no place in housing estates. They can destroy people's mental wellbeing.

MrsClaus1 · 22/12/2015 16:56

Our neighbours dog is an absolute nightmare, or should I say they as owners are because its not really the dogs ffault. The dog lives in the garden come rain or shine is bearly walked and is left witha water and food dispenser when they go away, 2 weeks this summer. The dog barks 24/7 its alwful, its so bad if i could afford to buy a second property i would and let this one out but I can't so we're stuck listening to barking all day and night.