Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my neighbour should be a bit more tolerant to my dog?

253 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 12:43

At face value, I am being unreasonable. My dog barking is bothering her so she has complained.. (Loudly and rudely.)

And it is true, my dog has a problem with barking when I go out, I've written about it on here before and there's no getting away from the fact that it is a huge issue.

But I am aware of it, and how awful it must be to listen to through a wall, so we very rarely leave him, and if we do, we usually drop him off somewhere or have someone come here.

An unavoidable time is the school run, which takes 15 minutes at 8.45, and I put down his breakfast and shut him in the laundry room on the other side of the house when I do that. I've stopped accepting play dates, I don't go out for days, I'm a stay at home mum and he doesn't bark while I'm here.

Last night my DH and I took out oldest daughter to the theatre, and my mum was looking after my youngest so all should've been fine, except she had an emergency and had to leave and take my daughter with her so he was barking from about 9.30 until 11. (It's not constant barking, it's if someone slams a car door etc nearby.) I know this because my friend who lives opposite walked by during this time and said it was silent.

So at 9am today my neighbour knocked on the door and went crazy at me (so much so I was in tears) about my dog. That I need to get rid of him and how terrible an owner I am because he barked at 11 and her husband could hear it.

I'm trying everything. Doggy day care has him on a waiting list, I've bought a crate, a citronella collar, we've been to dog school, walked him more... He has separation anxiety so we try as much as possible to not leave him and very rarely (like last night) this will fall apart... But I don't think one evening (which was a one off as we are usually home) isn't just cause to act the way she did?

They had building work for over a week when I had a newborn and I didn't complain. They had a party which was very loud that they didn't apologise for, and they play piano against my living room wall.... But I have never complained because that's life in a semi detached house.

AIBU? (Dons hard hat!)

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 23/12/2015 08:35

But ive literally said that I know it is a nuisance?!

How are you not getting that??

OP posts:
BirdsInMyPants · 23/12/2015 09:05

There's some proper pricks on here. There's always some people who read stuff totally different from what is written in the OP.

Seriously, I can only assume they have far too much time on their hands.

OP I can offer no more advice but it sounds like a nightmare and one you are desperately trying to fix.

The one that really stands out though is the second dog. Namely your friends pug he was quiet with.

I'd research more into that, and yes perhaps 'borrow' a dog for 2-3 days and see.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 23/12/2015 09:21

Thanks, that's a good idea, maybe I'll borrow my mums dog after Christmas and see what happens Smile

OP posts:
Figmentofmyimagination · 23/12/2015 09:33

Well speaking from personal experience I would say getting a second dog is probs the worst suggestion on this thread. You can't generalise as all dogs are different, but separation anxiety is caused by a desire not to separate from YOU. Over 15,000 years we have bred dogs to want to share our company, and for some, being separated from you is a really unpleasant experience. A second canine companion is more likely to be competition for your company than compensation for the lack of it.

And getting that second dog brings other risks - behaviour changes in the older dog, such as increased anxiety and eg weight gain - all of a sudden they have to scoff all their food straightaway, rather than leaving it in case they fancied finishing some later etc.

And whereas eg one dog, left alone and disturbed, say by a free newspaper, will eventually calm down, two dogs can stress off each other, leading the situation to escalate - with each bark causing another.

You can't really experiment by borrowing another dog for a couple of weeks because they are all different.

Once you have your second dog there will be no going back and many of the already limited options open to you will be lost.

One of the good ideas on here is to see whether their might be someone - a neighbour - where you move to - who might be really pleased sometimes to have the company of your dog. A 9 year old cocker spaniel would be a joy to most ex dog owners - and to those who can't have a permanent dog for whatever reason.

I remember, years ago, when our children were small, taking a week off at half term and 'borrowing' our neighbour's dog, having a lovely holiday at home as dog owners for the week! It sounds silly (they must have thought all their Christmas's had come at once, as kennelling is so expensive) but it worked for both parties.

Your lovely getting-on-a-bit cocker spaniel will be a delight to dog loving people when you move. Maybe you could look into eg a bit of 'patdog' care home or hospital visiting in your new neighbourhood, so that even if your dog is a bit barky, he's also seen as a 'force for good'! Just a thought.

mummymeister · 23/12/2015 09:36

A dog barking on a regular basis for a prolonged period can be a statutory noise nuisance. you can have a notice served on you by the local authority and if you fail to abate the nuisance and it continues then you can be taken to court. that is what being a nuisance actually means in law. when I was an EHO dealing with noise nuisances I took a fair number of dog owners to court where they were fined for this.

This sounds brutal but several of the dogs I dealt with under these circumstances had only one option and that was to have their voice boxes removed so although they "barked" no noise came out. they weren't required to do this by law but the owners got fed up of the ever increasing fines. and before all the dog owners jump at me for this, its not a solution for everyone nor one I would consider but you might OP. speak to a vet and see what they say. just another option.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 23/12/2015 09:39

Have you heard a debarked dog? It's horrific.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 23/12/2015 09:40

My dog hasn't barked once since Monday night by the way, just to put the situation into perspective.

OP posts:
Sukkii25 · 23/12/2015 09:46

OP, if you can't put a muzzle on your dog and are missing important appointments for your children and staying home in case the dog barks then I suggest you find another home for the dog.

This might not be a popular opinion but annoying the neighbours, having to have someone at home for the dog and generally having life revolve around a pet is not a great situation.

I am an animal lover and have had many different pets but you have to put your child's speech therapy before that of being a dog owner.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 23/12/2015 10:34

Another one who didn't read my posts properly....

OP posts:
howtorebuild · 23/12/2015 10:43

You haven't even tried the mussle, someone else tried one once and you completely discount it. I don't understand why.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 23/12/2015 10:46

As I said!!!! He's had a muzzle at the groomers and he panics and goes crazy.

What's the point in me writing anything if people are just going to ignore it?

OP posts:
howtorebuild · 23/12/2015 10:48

You haven't tried it in the home environment, just you,that was my point.

Kikigetty · 23/12/2015 10:53

I wish audio clips could be uploaded to MN so everyone could hear the racket my neighbour's dog makes all day. Now that's something to complain about. Council will do naff all about it because every time they go round the dog is magically not there. If your dog is barking a couple of times in the morning whilst you're out for less than an hour it cannot be helped. Most people successfully have lives and dogs.

Some don't however like my MIL. After her boyfriend left her there was no one to stay in with the dogs all day whilst she galavanted around. Two very loud golden retrievers barking for hours. Imagine that. She eventually got complaints so DH had to 'dogsit' when he could but it wasn't working because we have a child so she sold them on. Tough thing but it had to be done.

WoeBetidings · 23/12/2015 11:05

Do muzzles stop barking?

I always thought that they stopped biting but not panting, barking or drinking?

itsmine · 23/12/2015 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

howtorebuild · 23/12/2015 11:26

Someone suggested earlier on a fabric mussel stopped their dog barking, op dismissed trying one at home because her dog didn't like groomers putting one on.

Narp · 23/12/2015 11:31

OP

I would honestly leave the thread now if I were you. There are lots of suggestions about how you can move forward, and many people have expressed how noise makes them feel.

Figmentofmyimagination · 23/12/2015 11:36

I had one last idea, if it's only 15 mins of barking. Buy a massive box of pedigree gravy bones - the size you need for a dogs home etc - and before you leave the house each day, put three of them in the bottom of an old sock.

totalrecall1 · 23/12/2015 11:41

I have a very big an noisy dog, but I live out in the sticks. I think its totally unreasonable to expect your NDN to put up with a dog barking continually when you go out. Its also not really possible to spend the rest of your life staying in with the dog. If the dog can't be trained out of its seperation anxiety it would appear to me that he needs to find somewhere else where he will be happier or is not impacting on anyone else when left alone. I know thats a hard decision to make but its not fair on anyone, including the dog

Damselindestress · 23/12/2015 11:49

I don't see how it would be safe to leave a dog muzzled at home alone? If it the muzzle restricts movement of the mouth to stop them barking how can they drink and pant?

howtorebuild · 23/12/2015 11:56

A previous dog owner on the thread said it worked well for them, it was fabric and the dog could drink when wearing it, just not bark.

Sukkii25 · 23/12/2015 12:07

I didn't suggest a muzzle for not barking, I was merely saying that if the owner cannot put a muzzle on a dog for any reason (vet visits, grooming) then the pet owner has more than just barking to deal with.

liletsthepink · 23/12/2015 12:32

Op, i know you are in a difficult situation but you absolutely have to stop the dog barking and disturbing your neighbours. Clearly the key to the problem is treating your dog's anxiety with an expert in canine behaviour. Can you try to book someone today to start the therapy after Christmas?

The decent thing to do would be to apologise to the neighbour and tell them what steps you are taking to improve things.

midnightsunshine · 23/12/2015 15:01

I think you need to re-home the dog if everything you've tried has failed. Or consider moving house, to somewhere with better soundproofing or less proximity to neighbours.

I don't think it's ok at all to leave a barking dog at home while you go out (even for a short time) knowing it will bark continuously and be a nuisance. If there's always someone at home with dog that's different, but it doesn't seem like that's possible for you.

I feel sorryfor your neighbour. Why should she be more tolerant when your dog is a massive nuisance? If the dog's temperament isn't compatible with your lifestyle and neighbourhood, you need to find it a new home, or move somewhere where it won't disturb people.

In our previous house, the NDneighbours dogs barked whenever the owners were out. It was horrible listening to that racket for hours, especially in summer when you want to enjoy the garden. And I felt sorry for the dogs, who were clearly distressed. Eventually another neighbour contacted the council and soon after they got rid of one dog and started taking the other out with them.

mummy2twobabies · 23/12/2015 15:21

As someone who is currently sat listening to my neighbours dogs yaping and crying I might be bias they do it every time they go out. It normally only last 30 min but I feel like my head is going to blow up. That said the dogs would do it from 5.30am - 6.30 every Wednesday morning so I went around one Wednesday morning and politely asked if he could make it stop as it was waking my dc and driving me insane. I've not heard the dogs between 9pm - 7am since and the wife came around to apologise as she wasn't aware the dogs did this. Is did ask about the day time barking and she said she wasn't going to do anything about it. I'm now on maternity leave and it really annoys me as I can hear it in every room. But I'm sure when I have I new born they will hear her. I poster that mentioned barking at the postman, doorbell this doesn't annoy me at all as its a very short disturbance.

Swipe left for the next trending thread