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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my neighbour should be a bit more tolerant to my dog?

253 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 12:43

At face value, I am being unreasonable. My dog barking is bothering her so she has complained.. (Loudly and rudely.)

And it is true, my dog has a problem with barking when I go out, I've written about it on here before and there's no getting away from the fact that it is a huge issue.

But I am aware of it, and how awful it must be to listen to through a wall, so we very rarely leave him, and if we do, we usually drop him off somewhere or have someone come here.

An unavoidable time is the school run, which takes 15 minutes at 8.45, and I put down his breakfast and shut him in the laundry room on the other side of the house when I do that. I've stopped accepting play dates, I don't go out for days, I'm a stay at home mum and he doesn't bark while I'm here.

Last night my DH and I took out oldest daughter to the theatre, and my mum was looking after my youngest so all should've been fine, except she had an emergency and had to leave and take my daughter with her so he was barking from about 9.30 until 11. (It's not constant barking, it's if someone slams a car door etc nearby.) I know this because my friend who lives opposite walked by during this time and said it was silent.

So at 9am today my neighbour knocked on the door and went crazy at me (so much so I was in tears) about my dog. That I need to get rid of him and how terrible an owner I am because he barked at 11 and her husband could hear it.

I'm trying everything. Doggy day care has him on a waiting list, I've bought a crate, a citronella collar, we've been to dog school, walked him more... He has separation anxiety so we try as much as possible to not leave him and very rarely (like last night) this will fall apart... But I don't think one evening (which was a one off as we are usually home) isn't just cause to act the way she did?

They had building work for over a week when I had a newborn and I didn't complain. They had a party which was very loud that they didn't apologise for, and they play piano against my living room wall.... But I have never complained because that's life in a semi detached house.

AIBU? (Dons hard hat!)

OP posts:
KakiFruit · 22/12/2015 15:11

If it's 15 minutes every single day, it doesn't take a genius to work out it will be stopping in approximately 15 minutes.

Sunbeam1112 · 22/12/2015 15:14

Funny enough i did a post about a dog constantly barking next door. Its horrible to listen to all day off and on.We had the dog barking to 3am and its affected our whole household you can get special collars to prevent barking. Ive been frustrated to the point of calling the envirnomental specialist out to the excessuve barking from 11-3am. You need to sort the problem as it really isn't fair on the people next door. It affects peoples daily living.

Narp · 22/12/2015 15:15

Kaki

Yes, you are right, but I'm talking about the unconscious reaction of the nervous system, not a conscious reasoned reaction.

Narp · 22/12/2015 15:17

Kaki

But it's funny you should say that because I am a bit thick

howtorebuild · 22/12/2015 15:20

I'm not a horrible selfish dog owner, I know that the barking is horrendous to listen to

Your neighbour feels differently though, as you allow your problem to impact her life.

Tarrarra · 22/12/2015 15:21

My neighbour has 2 dogs that bark and howl really loudly. They aren't often left alone, so it's not that. When we have visitors, they hear the dogs and are surprised at how loud they are. Yes it annoys me, particularly the howling, but I recognise that we probably produce some noise too, so you have to let it go.

It is annoying, particularly early morning or late at night. That said, I wouldn't go round and shout at them. That is unacceptable. I think your neighbour is probably at the end of her tether.

Some dogs just are more vocal than others! If you really have tried everything to quieten your dog then I think YANBU, but possibly try some of the suggestions here as well as going back to your behaviour person and asking for more help on the indoors stuff.

Then, go back to your neighbour and tell her what you are doing to try and sort it out, and hopefully, at a time when she is calmer, she may be more prepared to listen?

maybebabybee · 22/12/2015 15:22

OP, I suggest you give your dog away immediately. Failing that, move to a house on top of a hill with no people within a 60 mile radius. Failing that, why not visit a vet and ask to have your dog's voicebox removed?

Seriously, stop beating yourself up. I really don't know what else you can do to be honest. You have tried what you can.

DaggerEyes · 22/12/2015 15:35

Could you get a set of Walkie talkies, and set one to 'voice activated ' to be left with the dog, then, while on the school run, when you hear him bark, talk back to him on the Walkie talkie?? Either tell him off, or talk calmly, whatever you think would fix him best?

CallieTorres · 22/12/2015 15:36

I'm not a dog person, and i'm also not trying to flame or upset you, but your dog is stopping you living a normal life

"I don't even take my youngest DD to toddler group anymore (and she desperately needs the socialisation!) I missed her speech therapy last week because my brother got called into work and couldn't sit with my dog."

It might be time to re home the dog if its making both you and your neighbour upset?

OnlyLovers · 22/12/2015 15:38

I agree that your dog shouldn't be stopping you socialising or going out. I think the suggestion of getting an additional dog is probably the best one, especially as your dog has responded well in the past to having company.

mmgirish · 22/12/2015 15:39

YABU but you know that already. If you are going to choose to keep a loud animal in your home that annoys you and your neighbours then you have to woman up when the pissed off neighbour arrives at your door to complain. Don't cry.

I have never owned a pet so I don't understand the emotional attachment involved - couldn't you just get rid of it? It sounds like it is making your life (and your neighbours) very difficult.

CheerfulYank · 22/12/2015 15:40

I used a vibration collar on my dog and that worked, but it's not for everyone.

It does sound like you're doing everything you can but you shouldn't have to stop living your life because of it. Best of luck!

AnthonyBlanche · 22/12/2015 15:40

Don't get another dog OP! There is no way of knowing in advance if the second one will also bark, your neighbour (and your new neighbours when you move) are not going to be pleased if barking is in stereo.

OnlyLovers · 22/12/2015 15:41

mmgirish, no, clearly you don't understand the emotional attachment!

And it's not really a 'loud animal' –it barks sporadically, on some occasions.

maybebabybee · 22/12/2015 15:44

I have never owned a pet so I don't understand the emotional attachment involved - couldn't you just get rid of it?

I have never done many things but that doesn't mean I can't empathise with why others do them. Hmm

Why is it so difficult for some people to understand that pets are actually important to a lot of us? They are members of the family. Not just objects to be discarded at will.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 15:47

'Its' not just a 'loud animal'.

That's not really what he is at all. He's a lovely, affectionate, playful, happy dog. He makes my children more tolerant and aware of dogs when out and about, he makes me feel safer in my house when my DH goes away with work, he instinctively knows when I'm upset and will come and lay in my lap... He is hilarious and beautiful and a part of our family. So no, I can't just 'get rid of it' Hmm

OP posts:
maybebabybee · 22/12/2015 15:48

hear hear mary.

mmgirish · 22/12/2015 15:48

The OP described the barking as horrendous... That sounds like a loud animal to me.

howtorebuild · 22/12/2015 15:49

www.thefreedictionary.com/animal

milkmilklemonade12 · 22/12/2015 15:50

I like the thought of another dog... You said your dog reacted well to your friend's dog. Can you 'borrow' said dog for a week? See if it helps? I had a friend with a barky dog who calmed greatly with the addition of a rescue puppy to 'mother'. I realise this is a heck of a step though, and could compound the problem!

I think your neighbour is overreacting to be honest. I live in a semi and have neighbours with a rescue dog who barks when someone is at the door, when they initially leave, when she's let out in the garden for the first little while and I guess if she just gets spooked. Honestly, I barely notice her these days. I mean, she's there but certainly it doesn't 'ruin my life'. There's tolerance and mutual respect between us. She has a dog who barks, my cats probably shit in her (much lovelier) garden and in the summer, me and my friend sat outside cackling like hens and smoking and drinking past midnight... Bit of give and take I think.

The vibration collar seems like it might be worth a try?

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 15:50

Definitely... But it's not all day and it's something I'm trying to fix. Do you always just give up on things rather than trying to work through them?

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 22/12/2015 15:51

Yes, sure, it's 'horrendous' when it happens. It's just 'loud animal' sounds like the dog is loud all the time, which isn't the case.

Perhaps when he gets to the top of the daycare waiting list, OP, it'll all be OK. Smile

kali110 · 22/12/2015 15:53

Wow , there are some right nasty bastards on here!
If you can really be reveling in the fact animals have died in pain i fear for you and your kids.
That's sick and i live next to a barking dog.

kali110 · 22/12/2015 15:55

mmgirish no clearly you don't.
Could you just get rid of one of your kids?

AnthonyBlanche · 22/12/2015 16:00

kali hate to point out the obvious but dogs are not people so your comparison is a bit pointless. I completely understand that people are attached to their pets but a comparison with children is distasteful.