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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my neighbour should be a bit more tolerant to my dog?

253 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 12:43

At face value, I am being unreasonable. My dog barking is bothering her so she has complained.. (Loudly and rudely.)

And it is true, my dog has a problem with barking when I go out, I've written about it on here before and there's no getting away from the fact that it is a huge issue.

But I am aware of it, and how awful it must be to listen to through a wall, so we very rarely leave him, and if we do, we usually drop him off somewhere or have someone come here.

An unavoidable time is the school run, which takes 15 minutes at 8.45, and I put down his breakfast and shut him in the laundry room on the other side of the house when I do that. I've stopped accepting play dates, I don't go out for days, I'm a stay at home mum and he doesn't bark while I'm here.

Last night my DH and I took out oldest daughter to the theatre, and my mum was looking after my youngest so all should've been fine, except she had an emergency and had to leave and take my daughter with her so he was barking from about 9.30 until 11. (It's not constant barking, it's if someone slams a car door etc nearby.) I know this because my friend who lives opposite walked by during this time and said it was silent.

So at 9am today my neighbour knocked on the door and went crazy at me (so much so I was in tears) about my dog. That I need to get rid of him and how terrible an owner I am because he barked at 11 and her husband could hear it.

I'm trying everything. Doggy day care has him on a waiting list, I've bought a crate, a citronella collar, we've been to dog school, walked him more... He has separation anxiety so we try as much as possible to not leave him and very rarely (like last night) this will fall apart... But I don't think one evening (which was a one off as we are usually home) isn't just cause to act the way she did?

They had building work for over a week when I had a newborn and I didn't complain. They had a party which was very loud that they didn't apologise for, and they play piano against my living room wall.... But I have never complained because that's life in a semi detached house.

AIBU? (Dons hard hat!)

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 22/12/2015 14:33

I think your neighbour is being unreasonable just for speaking to you in an abusive/aggressive manner.

I would try another behaviouralist though.

whether for gods sake read the op. It clearly states the poster is a stay at home mum so doesn't leave the dog all day.

Jessica I haven't seen that Psycho poster since the revelation he probably left a small dog to die in a field, possibly still in the bag used to steal it.

evelynj · 22/12/2015 14:34

Non stop barking drives me nuts. If you can afford it the dog whisperer sounds like a good idea. Otherwise speak to the local animal shelter for advice. How long have you had the dog, how old is he & where did you get him? Hope you get it resolved as neighbour relations are important. Try to keep talking to them. Could you soundproof a room for the odd occasions you need to leave him?

Crazybaglady · 22/12/2015 14:35

Would some distracting toys help? They may keeo him distracted during the school run?

To think my neighbour should be a bit more tolerant to my dog?
tbtc20 · 22/12/2015 14:38

YABU.

Barking dogs drive me demented. If you're already tense waiting for it to start then it doesn't take much for your blood to boil.

mygrandchildrenrock
Tolerating 3 dogs barking the whole working day is your choice, but surely you can see that most people would not be able to tolerate that?

People allowing their pets to disturb other people's peace is selfish IMO.

maybebabybee · 22/12/2015 14:39

People allowing their pets to disturb other people's peace is selfish IMO.

Agreed, but the OP has tried everything she can to stop it. What do you suggest she does?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/12/2015 14:40

MaryPoppins - you have tried a citronella collar - have you tried Adaptil?

It's a pheremone collar or spray or room diffuser that is supposed to help nervous dogs settle down - we got a collar when we got no2 dog from the Dogs Trust, to help her settle in her new home, and it did help.

Kingfisherfree · 22/12/2015 14:44

Can't the neighbour look after the dog?When the dog barks she could go round and bring it to hers for a bit. It seems like a simple solution to me. I would definitely do this if the barking was annoying me infact I would offee.

Kingfisherfree · 22/12/2015 14:44

Offer

LeaLeander · 22/12/2015 14:47

My pet sitter swears by Bach's Rescue Remedy. She puts a few drops in the water of nervous dogs she tends to, and says it calms them. Might be worth a try.

AnthonyBlanche · 22/12/2015 14:49

Boggling at Kingfishers suggestion that the neighbour should look after the dog!

Maybe if OP can't stop her dog barking when left alone she either needs to make sure it is never alone or get rid of it.

Allowing a dog to bark is antisocial behaviour which no one's neighbours should have to put up with.

ProudAS · 22/12/2015 14:50

Your neighbour may be a bit over the top but that's what sleep deprivation and stress can do to some people.

m0therofdragons · 22/12/2015 14:51

I'm a very calm person but dogs barking can push me beyond being reasonable. From my point of view, I couldn't give a flying fuck what my neighbour has tried or how much effort she's putting in, if the dog is barking and affecting me then good intentions don't do much. I can understand both sides but I think yabu expecting her to be polite about it. Noisy neighbours can be a huge stress on people's mental well being.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 14:52

Sorry, I've been Christmas cleaning my whole house!

We were recommended adaptil by the behaviourist we saw and it didn't make a huge difference. He's calm when I'm here, I actually haven't heard a peep out of him all day. Our vet recommended her when we went in to see what we could do about the barking...I will get it again though.

LeaLeander - (and anyone else that suggested it.) I did actually start a thread the other day asking if getting another dog might help my existing dog, and it's something I'm looking into. I'm a bit worried about fostering a dog though due to the unknown as my children are 2 & 5... He is quiet when my friend brings her pug over and we pop out, so it's definitely something to think about. The worry is that I'll end up with two barking dogs!

KnobblyKnee that's so lovely, thank you, I'll PM you! Xx

Specialsubject - it won't be 15 years... He's nearly 10 years old already!

We do leave a radio / TV on for him during the school run in the hope he might not know we've left! But it hasn't made much of a difference...

Potap - I'm in Epsom?

I can't remember who suggested a muzzle, but I can't do it. I would give it a go if I thought it would work! But they tried to muzzle him at the groomers and he went crazy...

Peasinpod - I suggest you read the thread. We've seen a behaviourist and had 1-1 training more than once.

Essentially, I know the barking is terrible. It's making all our lives a misery, but I've minimised it as much as I possibly can to the point that I don't even take my youngest DD to toddler group anymore (and she desperately needs the socialisation!) I missed her speech therapy last week because my brother got called into work and couldn't sit with my dog. I'm trying my best, and from their side of the wall, it can only be very muffled barking (through laundry room door, through hallway, through another large room and then adjoining wall) for a very short school run, I couldn't really live any closer... And then the very occasional times he is actually left alone, last night was unfortunate, my younger brother had a car issue and my mum had to leave, but other than that we're very very rarely out in the evening (as we have a 2 and a 5 year old) and I'm home all day...

OP posts:
neepsandtatties · 22/12/2015 14:52

Get another dog. If it is separation anxiety then hopefully that should cure it. Borrow someone's dog (one who doesn't bark!) for a week to see if that fixes it.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 14:53

Sleep deprivation is a bit much.... We were back at 11, and he hasn't barked since. I've definitely heard their TV later than 11 before.

OP posts:
tbtc20 · 22/12/2015 14:54

maybe I don't know what the OP should do.

That's the same question my neighbour asked me when I complained about her dog barking. Why should it become someone else's problem?

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 14:59

Apologies I can't remember who asked, but he's a cocker spaniel, he's 9 years old, we've had him from a puppy and we got him from a kennel club registered breeder.

He's been to puppy training, dog school, and been quite spoilt with his 'life' up until recently... My DH worked from home from before we got him until a few years ago, and then I was a stay at home mum and the issues started with the school run... It's like he started to know I was going to leave and get worked up about it. He's always been a bit barky but it was never an issue because he was never alone, we used to take him everywhere. He even came to the studio with me when I was working.

I'm not a horrible selfish dog owner, I know that the barking is horrendous to listen to, but I really am trying my best.

OP posts:
itsmine · 22/12/2015 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 15:02

And just with regards to sound proofing a room, we're actually moving soon. We're in the process of buying a house but I can't just hold out for that because I'm sure it will be the same problem there but with a five minute longer school run!

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 22/12/2015 15:03

Itsmine - give the neighbour the handset? Nice.

OP posts:
potap123 · 22/12/2015 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Narp · 22/12/2015 15:08

I have every sympathy OP, and I hope you can resolve this.

But to answer people's comments about ut making no sense that the neighbour be objecting to 15 min barking, the problem is that once you've experienced a noise problem, you become hyper alert and sensitive to that noise. And you have no control over it, so it does provoke a sort of anxiety that is out of proportion. That's my experience anyway

itsmine · 22/12/2015 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Narp · 22/12/2015 15:09

^ I meant you have no control over the noise - you don't know whether it will stop in 15 minutes or 15 hours and you fear the worst

TheWitTank · 22/12/2015 15:10

Have you ever tried leaving him with another dog (sorry if I've missed anything in the thread about this)? I know a lot of dogs who are much better with canine company. Do you have any friends or family with a chilled out pooch (and calm is vital!) who you can experiment with?
When we rescued our second dog I was ultra paranoid about her barking and disturbing next doors when we were out so OH installed a camera that he watched remotely while at work to see what went on when I was out and about. Luckily for us, she wasn't fazed at all and slept or chewed her toys, no barking. It may have helped that our other dog is relaxed and she was reassured by the company (she is very laid back anyway though).
I can see you are absolutely trying your best and it must be very frustrating Flowers.