Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu about stingy new bf and gifts?

213 replies

merrychristmaseveryone · 22/12/2015 12:20

Newish relationship, seeing someone for 4 months.

Met his friends for the first time on the weekend (friend from work and his wife) has known them about 5 years.

Spoke to the wife as bf and get DH share a hobby and asked what I could get bf for xmas, a small token gift. She said she's bought my bf some gifts that she's not wrapped if I wanted to buy something off her as I may have left it too late to order now. One of the gifts alone was in the region of £50 I bought 2 things off her for £10 as I only wanted to get something small.

My bf is going to them xmas day and has been for the last 2 years. I asked him what he has bought them and the answer was nothing. I said you do realise they have got you something and his reply was yes they always get him gifts for xmas and birthdays. I asked im if he was embarrassed and he said he doesn't do gifts. If they give him something he just acts shocked and it gets him out of retiring the favour.

I am stunned to be honest, he is lovely but I've seen a different side to him. I think it's unbelievably selfish.

The reason I may still be thinking about this is I was totally embarrassed this weekend in meeting his friends. I only drink prosecco and I don't drink often, he stopped off at a garage on the way and asked him to get a bottle to take with us. He said don't get it I will go in. He came out with a bag and said don't worry he's sorted it. When we got there the host was sorting drinks and I asked my bf where the bag was with my drink and he said he didn't get any as they have got loads (in front of the hosts) the host retrieved a bottle out of a gift bag from under the tree. I protested but she said it was fine.
I spoke to her privately later in the evening and explained and she said it was fine not to worry they had bought loads of bottles they have had for ages but they were bought as gifts. She laughed it off but said my BT had form for this.

AIBU to get a gift for the hosts and wrap it without a gift tag and force him to take it along? It's been playing on my mind since this happened at the weekend and I've asked him to get something anything and he said no.

I've not got much money but was thinking to spend about £10 on some nice chocs and wine? Do I sign it from me, my bf both? I don't want to come across as rude.

OP posts:
Damselindestress · 27/12/2015 17:47

You had a lucky escape there! It sounds like his meanness goes beyond financial matters and presents to not caring about other people's feelings in general. It was so rude and inconsiderate of him to get drunk, keep his friends waiting and ruin their Christmas dinner after they made the effort to include him. I think that if you had stayed with him then you would always have had to run around after him and make excuses for his embarrassing behaviour. I hope you meet someone nicer in the New Year.

IonaNE · 27/12/2015 17:50

I've only read the first page but OP, are you willing to be treated (along with any possible DC) like this for the rest of your life? Nothing at Xmas, anniversaries, birthdays because he "does not do gifts"? I'd dump him.

HelenaDove · 27/12/2015 17:54

Well done OP Thanks

IonaNE · 27/12/2015 17:54

Just read the update - well done, op! :)

JohnLuther · 27/12/2015 17:57

You've had a lucky escape, well done OP.

BigDamnHero · 27/12/2015 18:01

I read this thread when you initially started it and am so glad you got rid. Best Christmas present you could have got yourself!

TeaFathers · 27/12/2015 18:03

a lucky escape indeed.
you did the right thing.
no doubt he'll move on to find some poor bitch to fool in the coming months.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/12/2015 18:06

Well done op, I wouldn't have driven him anywhere. Do keep in touch with those nice friends

MrsClusterfuck · 27/12/2015 18:09

Well done OP! I honestly thought you were a goner after your previous postings. Just stay strong now in case he comes crawling back. Thanks

Original poster
merrychristmaseveryone · 27/12/2015 18:29

Thanks all. I knew I had made the right choice, he had been quite tight for a while as he always comes to me so it's always me feeding and watering him, never brought anything or contributed and hadn't really thought twice about it until this all came up.

We both have been invited to the friends house the day before New Years for buffet but will have to text them to let them know the score.

OP posts:
steff13 · 27/12/2015 18:32

The friends sound awesome, I hope you can build your own friendship with them.

Did you tell him exactly why you were breaking up with him? What was his response?

notapizzaeater · 27/12/2015 18:40

I hope you keep the friends as they sound really nice.

frenchfancy · 27/12/2015 18:47

Definitely a lucky escape.

Call the friends, explain the situation but say how you would have liked to get to know them better. You may have lost a BF but may gain some really nice friends.

lavenderhoney · 27/12/2015 18:54

Why do these friends of his put up with this bullshit? Do they want sex with him or something?

He sounds dreadful - and quite rude - accepting presents and not bothering to get any back.

PingpongDingDong · 27/12/2015 18:57

Definitely the right decision. I had a bf like that years ago. I was so, so embarrassed by his meanness and freeloading. It eroded any attraction or respect I had for him. I can't bear people who don't pay their way.

SuperFlyHigh · 27/12/2015 19:01

One of my boyfriends was like this, generous if it suited him but tight verging on counting what drinks I'd bought him etc...

He wouldn't drive yet would happily let his friends ferry him around in their cars, wouldn't cook or invite others over but would happily let others cook for him. He was lucky in that he was a nice man to be around.

I think when I recalled he was earning double what I earned but wanted me to go halves a lot and then for Christmas I got a body shop gift set (my mum was appalled by that!) - he was another one that thought nothing of spending money on himself but other people apart from his son and ex he was generous but let them know it.

Never again! Well done OP for seeing the light!

Original poster
merrychristmaseveryone · 27/12/2015 19:28

I didn't originally say in my text that it was his selfishness but I just said it basically wasn't working for me ect ect
He then responded saying oh your saying its me not you as to why your breaking up with me.

So I put him straight and said no it's you, if you behave that way towards your very close friends there is no hope for us.

He actually only has a couple of close friends and treats them like shit quite frankly. One who I got left with in a pub with for 20 mins when he went off to play fruit machine. He told me he was on the verge of loosing is job as he has a cant be assed attitude lately and doesn't show up very often and basically shits on other people.

Yeah lucky escape I think.

His response to the friends comment was well they don't seem to mind.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/12/2015 20:07

So I put him straight and said no it's you Grin Good for you.

Hygge · 27/12/2015 20:27

You did the right thing.

I had a boyfriend like this.

For our first Christmas together I bought him a piece of musical equipment he said he wanted. Not too expensive but I was at college with a part-time job and he was working full time, so it was at the top of my budget and a nice thing to be given.

He gave me three jars of boiled sweets, two of those cheap classic books you could buy in budget newsagents for £1.25 each, and a boomerang. I'd already seen all of those things on a shelf in his house, so basically he gave me the crap from his bedroom that he didn't want anymore. One of the jars had already been opened and one of the books had been read. And what the fuck was I meant to do with a boomerang? That was clearly a souvenir from his trip to Australia, which he went on before he met me.

You'd have thought I'd have left him then, but it seems I was a slow learner. The following Christmas he bought me something that didn't fit. He took it back to get the right size, but only gave me the replacement three weeks later for my birthday.

So that was it. My Christmas present that didn't fit was turned into my birthday present that did fit, and his miserable, tight-arsed, and as it turned out two-timing self turned into my ex.

There were other examples. When his brother went to university I bought him a going away present, as we were friendly. Boyfriend wanted no part of it, sulked while we were shopping, didn't help choose anything, didn't pay a penny towards it, bitched about wasting time and money on his brother.

Then he bitched at me when he asked his brother if he liked "our" present and his brother replied with "I liked Hygge's present; you didn't get me anything" because that's when he realised I'd only put my name on the card. Said I'd made him look like a fool.

I think you've had a lucky escape.

Try and stay friendly with his friends though, they sound nice.

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 27/12/2015 20:31

Good! He's a waste of space.

Honestly, his friends still sound like nice people. If I were you (and you feel like it) I probably text them myself and let them know that even though you and 'Scroogey McScroogepants' have split, you want to know if their invite still stands. Chances are he won't be arsed to go if he has to arrange his own transport, and if it's an 'open house' type buffet you can always stay for a bit then leave if he comes in.

AyeAmarok · 27/12/2015 21:09

Flip me, he gets worse and worse!

I think you took temporary leave of your senses,bit very glad to see you are back with us!

Original poster
merrychristmaseveryone · 28/12/2015 11:38

Ive made contact with his friends this morn as he text me off one of there phones Boxing Day as ex bf was out of credit for me to come collect him.

I don't know if it was the DH or DW I text to basically tell them me and bf had split up and I had to decline there invitation to tea on weds as it would be very akward.

I had a response back to say please come your more than welcome and ex bf won't be there as he has been uninvited but keep it under my hat as he doesn't know he has been uninvited.

No idea why or what's gone on but something must have happened as he's always being invited over!

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 28/12/2015 11:44

Sounds like his friends are sick of him too!/

honeysucklejasmine · 28/12/2015 11:45

Maybe they were so used to his appalling behaviour that it took you being so horrified for them to realise how bad it had got. And now they do, they've had enough too!

Thankgodforthat · 28/12/2015 11:46

Well that's a turn up for the books. The tight arse has been dumped by his gf and his friends and deservedly so. I bet he hasn't got the self-awareness to think any if it might be to do with his behaviour.

This time last year I dumped a guy who had bought me perfume (fake Miss Dior knocked off from the pub) and asked for it back so he could give it to his daughter. Oh and a bunch of the measliest most pathetic flowers you have ever seen. I later saw them in asda for £3 and they weren't even worth that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread