Aibu about stingy new bf and gifts?

[merrychristmaseveryone]

Newish relationship, seeing someone for 4 months.

Met his friends for the first time on the weekend (friend from work and his wife) has known them about 5 years.

Spoke to the wife as bf and get DH share a hobby and asked what I could get bf for xmas, a small token gift. She said she's bought my bf some gifts that she's not wrapped if I wanted to buy something off her as I may have left it too late to order now. One of the gifts alone was in the region of £50 I bought 2 things off her for £10 as I only wanted to get something small.

My bf is going to them xmas day and has been for the last 2 years. I asked him what he has bought them and the answer was nothing. I said you do realise they have got you something and his reply was yes they always get him gifts for xmas and birthdays. I asked im if he was embarrassed and he said he doesn't do gifts. If they give him something he just acts shocked and it gets him out of retiring the favour.

I am stunned to be honest, he is lovely but I've seen a different side to him. I think it's unbelievably selfish.

The reason I may still be thinking about this is I was totally embarrassed this weekend in meeting his friends. I only drink prosecco and I don't drink often, he stopped off at a garage on the way and asked him to get a bottle to take with us. He said don't get it I will go in. He came out with a bag and said don't worry he's sorted it. When we got there the host was sorting drinks and I asked my bf where the bag was with my drink and he said he didn't get any as they have got loads (in front of the hosts) the host retrieved a bottle out of a gift bag from under the tree. I protested but she said it was fine.
I spoke to her privately later in the evening and explained and she said it was fine not to worry they had bought loads of bottles they have had for ages but they were bought as gifts. She laughed it off but said my BT had form for this.

AIBU to get a gift for the hosts and wrap it without a gift tag and force him to take it along? It's been playing on my mind since this happened at the weekend and I've asked him to get something anything and he said no.

I've not got much money but was thinking to spend about £10 on some nice chocs and wine? Do I sign it from me, my bf both? I don't want to come across as rude.

Can you imagine being in a long term relationship with this loser?

Disappointments, anger and embarrassments on a daily basis!

You won't change him OP, it's a character trait which is ingrained. Do yourself a favour and get rid.

I was with someone like this. Mr Empty Handed. Once he was hovering as he went to leave. Turned out he was fretting that I had forgotten to repay him £2 for some teabags!

His friends used to joke about his mattress being high as his money was stuffed under it. I was naive at the time but chose to overlook all the red flags.

Mine was mean of spirit too. I regret not heeding all the warning signs. Wasted a lot of my time.

I remember one boyfriend I had very well. I made a great fuss about his upcoming birthday, bought him a special thing to do with his hobby that I got engraved - and ordered another thing he had asked for, from America, and making a meal for us and opening some champagne I had from the year he was born (it turned out to be revolting, but still!)

Two weeks later it was my birthday. He turned up as usual for supper and stayed a little while - I didn't like to mention it, but as he was leaving I jokingly asked where my present was.

He grinned and produced a cereal bar from his coat pocket and said 'there you go'. It was left over from his lunch.

I was too surprised to say anything, but the next day I told him it seemed a bit mean and I didn't understand - he said 'I got you a card!'
I told him he hadn't.

I got a cursory 'sorry' and that was it. He didn't last long. It was just so fucking weird, tbh. If he'd said 'Oh don't get me anything, I don't really 'do' presents' I'd have made less of a fuss and it would have been Ok, but he was all for it with his own birthday.

Just not anyone else's.

Your story has bought back memories Pipi about a guy I dated that used to do things like the cereal bar. If I pulled him up on it he would make out it was ungrateful and precious as he had got me something! Very strange and got worse as time went on.

WHY oh WHY do you want to change him?
It will be a waste of your time and energy.
This is like watching a car crash in slow motion.
Just dump his sorry arse.
You've seen and heard exactly what this bloke is like.
Please take heed.
Find someone who is already a genuinely generous person.
Trying to change people is exhausting. He will NOT change.

I can see the OP coming back in 6 months, he comes to my place and eats all my food and wants sex, but never takes me out, and doesn't ever pay for any of the groceries. Now he says he can go part time at work and can move in with me as I have a good job.

It's fine to agree not to do gifts. However, when going to someone's house for meals/drinks, it's appropriate to take something. A little hamper of nibbles/drinks if Xmas day or a bottle if wine to a meal.

Unfortunately Squinkies I fear you are right!
That is exactly what I thought.
This is a major cocklodger in the making.

Not attractive qualities in any partner, somehow makes them look bloody awful. pipi, he would be dumped there and then, what an absolute tit.

yy

I failed to understand it and still fail to understand it. Unfortunately I was actually pregnant, so it dragged on for a couple of months on and off while he tried to make me have an abortion and then he buggered off for good when I refused.

Thankfully the tight arsed git gene doesn't seem to have been passed on

Thank goodness pipi, being tight and mean, are horrible qualities. Its one thing to be sensible with your money, another to be stingy that you take the piss out of your friends and partner.

We have a friend like this, he's always been famously mean and tight-fisted and it was a bit of a running joke. He's now a millionaire and even more tight-fisted and not many people bother with him any more, he has no partner, no children and few friends. But hey, at least he doesn't have to spend his cash on anyone. They don't change, ever. Not even with millions in the bank.

Run a mile. My ex-H is like this. That's a very big reason why he's my ex. Attitudes like this are very ingrained. He won't change. It all gets a million times worse when you live together/marry/have kids.

I'd keep the new friends and lose the BF.

He not going to change, he doesn't need to as his way is working for him with everyone subbing him.

'I can see the OP coming back in 6 months, he comes to my place and eats all my food and wants sex, but never takes me out, and doesn't ever pay for any of the groceries. Now he says he can go part time at work and can move in with me as I have a good job.'

Yep, Squinkies. I've seen it time and again on here.

You need to ditch him today, OP.

Don't waste your time getting him to 'change his ways'. He won't except perhaps a week or so.

You are flogging a dead horse here. BIG time.

Keep the new friends, though.

Just to update this thread....

I have just split up with the bf after learning how selfish he can be.

Xmas day he was going to his friends I gave him a call about 4 to wish him a happy Christmas he sounded a little drunk and asked him what he was doing, he was sat at home alone drinking. He had a few beers xmas morning as he couldn't wait until he got to his friends couldn't then drive so cancelled on them.
I told him I would drive him over as I was fuming at this point.

We got to his friends and the wife was not happy at all her DH took my bf off to show him something and the wife told me he cancelled half a hour after dinner was starting. She held off with a house full of people and the dinner was dried up and hard as he didn't let them know. He was up quite early as he had been texting me in the morning.

He went over empty handed again, I picked him up yesterday and he had some gifts they had bought him.

So this afternoon I decided to text him ending our relationship as if he can be like this with his friends close friends who are so kind to him what will he be like in future for me?

Oh and when we exchanged gifts Boxing Day he told me he "forgot mine" xmas day he forgot again so he gave me £10 instead.

Oh. My. God.

You have so done the right thing!!!

The Power of Mumsnet. Saving women from arseholes since 1982.

Good for you, OP.

Haha, what an arse! You're well rid.

Well done! Now don't weaken once you've calmed down..

Glad to hear you've dumped him, anything else would be a disservice to yourself. I can only hope his friends do the same, they don't deserve to be treated so badly. for them.

Lucky escape OP, well done

Does he have redeeming features? I think a tightarse can change into less of a tightarse but never generous.

I'd implore the friends to do exactly the same to the dick head.
Well done OP.

SO glad you got rid of this twat. I'd have started the dinner without him because they knew what a dick he is. What an absolute shit thing to do to friends. There is nothing redeemable about someone like this.

Stay in touch with the nice people, though.