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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have finally put my niece in her place after taunting my daughter for what she wears?

586 replies

CharlotteY1 · 21/12/2015 18:00

I have a ten year old Dd and an 8 almost 9 year old niece. For a while now when have vsisted my SiL's house or been on a day out together my niece takes it upon herself to carefully "assess" what my dd is wearing and if she doesn't like it then she doesn't hide it.

My Dd is quite a sensitive child and whilst she can usually brush off any teasing she is now sick of her cousin constantly scrutinising what she wears and making fun of her. I've had words with my SiL about this in the past but she just brushes it off sayid that she will "have words with her" but still it continues.

Well today we have been out for our annual Christmas meal, my Dd was dressed lovely yet as per my niece decided to have digs at her telling her that she looks stupid and that's not how her fiends dress. My SiL was sat right next to my niece and then my Dd next to her so she would have heard what she was saying, yet she chose to ignore it. My niece carried on and by this point my Dd was almost in tears so I decided to say something. I told my niece that at least my Dd dresses for her age, she wears clothes that are comfortable and stylish instead of walking round in belly tops and leggings with her backside hanging out! Now you can guess that after blatantly ignoring her dd calling my dd my SiL happened to hear what I had to say didn't she?.....well she wasn't happy. But you know what.....tough, why should I let my not so darling niece ridicule for my dd yet again who by the way dresses lovely usually wearing smart skinny jeans with jewelled tops, body warmer, and smart hi tops, or gorgeous skirt top sets etc. She doesn't walk round looking like she's a teenager like my 8 year old niece does flashing her arse and belly, so Aibu for finally saying something? My Dh doesn't think I am as he's admitted his niece is a little madam but maybe I could have timed it better.

OP posts:
Enjolrass · 21/12/2015 18:32

Gosh Arnt people on mumsnet goody goodies

This made me chuckle.

GrinGrinGrinGrin

Sadmother · 21/12/2015 18:32

Your niece may be a horror, hard-faced and cheeky, but she is 8. What is your excuse OP?

sugar21 · 21/12/2015 18:34

I applaud you OP you deserve the Christmas award for being a cunty coward.
How brave of you to be nasty to an 8 year old. You should be ashamed of yourself.
You should have spoken to the little girl about how we speak to others, not about her arse!
Xmas Angry Have a Christmas angry face from me.
If you had spoken to my dd as you describe how you spoke to your neice, I would have got up and left. Leaving you with the bill of course

TaliZorah · 21/12/2015 18:34

OPs excuse is she is sick of her daughter being bullied surely?!

ghostyslovesheep · 21/12/2015 18:34

if by 'goody goodies' you mean adults - then yes I guess they are

ghostyslovesheep · 21/12/2015 18:35

if she's sick of her daughter being bullied then surely she would stop exposing her to the bully? or not sit her next to her throughout the meal?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 21/12/2015 18:35

We would have less hard faced cheeky kids if adults did indeed speak up amd not pussy foot around.
It may not have been the best things to say ... but you did need to speak up.
How did you leave it with SIL? Has there been a fall out?

mouldycheesefan · 21/12/2015 18:35

You slut shamed a ten year old?

You dealt with it very very badly indeed.

Enjolrass · 21/12/2015 18:36

OPs excuse is she is sick of her daughter being bullied surely?

My daughter was horrendously bullied. She was eventually assaulted and hospitalised. The boy was arrested and charged.

I still manage to deal with it without calling the bou names and being nasty.

Because I am an adult

TaliZorah · 21/12/2015 18:37

And just let the bully get away with it?

Sorry but being a child isn't an excuse to be horrible. OP had tried to deal with it nicely, it didn't work so she had a taste of her own treatment. Can't say I feel any sympathy

ToffeeForEveryone · 21/12/2015 18:38

YABVU.

Your DN is wrong to make nasty comments about your DD's appearance. She's 8. What's your excuse?

There is a world of difference between a child saying spiteful things to another child, and an adult saying something spiteful to a child.

VaticanAssassin · 21/12/2015 18:38

So you decided to tell your Niece how wrong it is to criticise someone for their choice of clothes, by criticising her choice of clothes Confused

I agree she should have been told to pipe down, but by her mother- not you. You've effectively brought yourself to the level of an 8year old, and lost the higher ground by doing so. Sorry, you could have put it so much better.

MrsCampbellBlack · 21/12/2015 18:38

I don't understand why you just didn't nudge SIL and tell her to sort her DD out.

ghostyslovesheep · 21/12/2015 18:39

the bully is an 8 year old child Hmm you can't reprimand a child without being a bully yourself that's not very good

DaggerEyes · 21/12/2015 18:40

But, enjorlass, if you could have stopped that boy with a few home truths before he became the full blown bully he was.....are you saying you wouldn't!?

Cheby · 21/12/2015 18:40

Not the best way of handling it OP, but I get why you snapped. Also, I think your DD will probably remember the day you stood up for her. I would have, if my mum did that for me.

1frenchfoodie · 21/12/2015 18:41

YABU. Two wrongs do not make a right. Yes you snapped after increasing frustration but sniping at an 8yo in this way just not on.

ThreeRuddyTubs · 21/12/2015 18:41

Well the niece sounds like a little brat and it was probably time she got a taste of her own medicine

Enjolrass · 21/12/2015 18:43

But, enjorlass, if you could have stopped that boy with a few home truths before he became the full blown bully he was.....are you saying you wouldn't!?

Would I have insulted him?

Erm......no.

Me insulting him because he was insulting dd, isn't a mature thing to do.

And exactly where is the proof this has stopped the nieces behaviour. The OP has shown her it's acceptable behaviour

harryhausen · 21/12/2015 18:44

I would have snapped too OP. You've tried the nice, responsible, grown-up way and it hasn't worked in the slightest.

I'd have lost my rag and I'm being totally, totally down-to-earth honest (like I suspect some other responses aren't). If my mum had stuck up for he like that I'd have remembered it all my life.

I hope it makes a difference op.

Thingschangingagain · 21/12/2015 18:44

So Tali, being a child isn't an excuse to be horrible, but being an adult is?
She shouldn't let the niece get away with it, or SIL who seems to be the real issue here for apparently parenting in a way that means dn thinks it is ok to behave like that. She should have clearly, strongly and unambiguously stated to both that this repeated behaviour is unacceptable and that her and dd chose not to be with them as a result. Ideally she should have told SIL long ago if it continued she wasn't going to expose her daughter to this anymore.

Jux · 21/12/2015 18:44

Is sil still speaking to you? Is she your dh's sister, or your brother's wife?

TaliZorah · 21/12/2015 18:44

This reply has been deleted

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Supermanspants · 21/12/2015 18:44

she wears clothes that are comfortable and stylish instead of walking round in belly tops and leggings with her backside hanging out!

You think this is ok to say to an 8 year old child Three? Really?

mouldycheesefan · 21/12/2015 18:46

You can stand up for your daughter in a way that does not include the exact behaviour you object to. You have reinforced its fine to slag off what people are wearing.

Suggest you avoid meeting up with them in future as none of you can behave,