To have finally put my niece in her place after taunting my daughter for what she wears?

[CharlotteY1]

I have a ten year old Dd and an 8 almost 9 year old niece. For a while now when have vsisted my SiL's house or been on a day out together my niece takes it upon herself to carefully "assess" what my dd is wearing and if she doesn't like it then she doesn't hide it.

My Dd is quite a sensitive child and whilst she can usually brush off any teasing she is now sick of her cousin constantly scrutinising what she wears and making fun of her. I've had words with my SiL about this in the past but she just brushes it off sayid that she will "have words with her" but still it continues.

Well today we have been out for our annual Christmas meal, my Dd was dressed lovely yet as per my niece decided to have digs at her telling her that she looks stupid and that's not how her fiends dress. My SiL was sat right next to my niece and then my Dd next to her so she would have heard what she was saying, yet she chose to ignore it. My niece carried on and by this point my Dd was almost in tears so I decided to say something. I told my niece that at least my Dd dresses for her age, she wears clothes that are comfortable and stylish instead of walking round in belly tops and leggings with her backside hanging out! Now you can guess that after blatantly ignoring her dd calling my dd my SiL happened to hear what I had to say didn't she?.....well she wasn't happy. But you know what.....tough, why should I let my not so darling niece ridicule for my dd yet again who by the way dresses lovely usually wearing smart skinny jeans with jewelled tops, body warmer, and smart hi tops, or gorgeous skirt top sets etc. She doesn't walk round looking like she's a teenager like my 8 year old niece does flashing her arse and belly, so Aibu for finally saying something? My Dh doesn't think I am as he's admitted his niece is a little madam but maybe I could have timed it better.

You basically said to your niece what you wanted to say to her mum and did it through her. Nice.

^This i what i was going to say.

You made a dig at your SIL but you used a child to do it. There were ways to tell your niece to stop without being cruel. You are the adult.

Why have you never said anything before rather than letting your dd get picked on? There are ways of saying things btw.

Well done for speaking up for,your daughter. I can see you snapped and probably said more than you should have, but maybe it was about time someone said something.

Ah..... some drip feeding to justify the AIBU

Sounds like a pathetic way of handling it.

What happened next?

You were completely in the right. Had the moral high ground. Could've dealt with this once and for all.

But instead you made yourself look like a spiteful aul witch. Nice one. Now you're the nasty unreasonable one when all you wanted to do was stick up for your daughter.

Sorry I should have stated I have "told her off" a few times for calling dd and I've explained that it's not nice to call people, she just smirked at me and either shrugged her shoulders or walked away from me and like I said I've broached the subject with my SiL and she wasn't interested. So I eventually lost my rag a bit, so what?.....

Riiiiight. So you basically gave her a bollocking by doing the exact thing to her that she was doing to your daughter. So you showed your daughter that actually it IS ok to shame someone for what they are wearing.

nicely done.

(YABVU btw.)

Yes you could have timed and handled it much better. Why did you not just turn around and say "enough, stop being mean/nasty/horrible"? You set out to hurt your niece, to shame her and you're the grown up. I've daughters and a niece the same age (10.5, 9, 8).

You could have said something to ypur niece without acting like a child yourself.

Why are you criticising an 8 year old child's clothing to her though?

It's her behaviour that's the issue here.

Yanbu to pull her up on it.

Yabu to say what you did. Telling her it's not nice to put someone down while putting her down is very childish and nasty.

Coming from an adult to a child it's even worse.

So what if her midriff is showing?

If I was sil I wouldn't have a problem with you telling my dd off (although I would have done it first) but I would have a problem with your nasty comments.

So I eventually lost my rag a bit, so what?.....

So why post this on AIBU?

so, an 8 yo said your 10 yo looks stupid and you retort with misogynistic comments about her belly and her arse.Nice!

Well if you're asking 'so what'?

Why start the thread?

I think you should probably have spoken to your niece before now, and you should have told her off about her unkind behaviour rather than her clothes.

I'm not "drip feeding" if you read my op properly you'll see that I said that I've already spoken with SiL about the name calling and she did absolutely nothing about it.

you were mean to your DN. She has learned that personal criticism and insults is a neat way to insult somebody.
You should have instead focussed on how her words were unkind.

Yanbu. Sounds like it was overdue.

Why on earth haven't you stepped in earlier and said something like "its rude to comment on other peoples clothing DN, and it can be upsetting. Please stop that."

DN was being very unkind, but you, as the adult, shouldn't have been nasty about her clothes.

Then you need to confront your SIL and have a go at her

Rather than insulting her child like a coward

It which case don't allow your dd to sit with you niece, if you have pulled her up before.

It's still doesn't make what you did (ridicule a child) ok.

well done OP someone had to pull your D niece up if your SIL was unwilling to do it. What a bully your DNiece is and perhaps with your sharp words she will think twice now she sees what it is like to be on the receiving side.