To have finally put my niece in her place after taunting my daughter for what she wears?

[CharlotteY1]

I have a ten year old Dd and an 8 almost 9 year old niece. For a while now when have vsisted my SiL's house or been on a day out together my niece takes it upon herself to carefully "assess" what my dd is wearing and if she doesn't like it then she doesn't hide it.

My Dd is quite a sensitive child and whilst she can usually brush off any teasing she is now sick of her cousin constantly scrutinising what she wears and making fun of her. I've had words with my SiL about this in the past but she just brushes it off sayid that she will "have words with her" but still it continues.

Well today we have been out for our annual Christmas meal, my Dd was dressed lovely yet as per my niece decided to have digs at her telling her that she looks stupid and that's not how her fiends dress. My SiL was sat right next to my niece and then my Dd next to her so she would have heard what she was saying, yet she chose to ignore it. My niece carried on and by this point my Dd was almost in tears so I decided to say something. I told my niece that at least my Dd dresses for her age, she wears clothes that are comfortable and stylish instead of walking round in belly tops and leggings with her backside hanging out! Now you can guess that after blatantly ignoring her dd calling my dd my SiL happened to hear what I had to say didn't she?.....well she wasn't happy. But you know what.....tough, why should I let my not so darling niece ridicule for my dd yet again who by the way dresses lovely usually wearing smart skinny jeans with jewelled tops, body warmer, and smart hi tops, or gorgeous skirt top sets etc. She doesn't walk round looking like she's a teenager like my 8 year old niece does flashing her arse and belly, so Aibu for finally saying something? My Dh doesn't think I am as he's admitted his niece is a little madam but maybe I could have timed it better.

Because considering I've spoke with my niece and SiL about this countless times and had words again with my niece trying to explain that it's not nice to criticise others (she laughed in my face one time) I lost my patience ONE time and thought sod it I'll tell her how it is. My niece isn't this gentile little flower by the way, she's very hard faced and cheeky for a young child and she just brushed off what I had to say today like she did when I tried to have words with her many times before, she isn't scarred for life.

If you know you are an adult why behave like a ten year old? I was recently speaking to a friend whose daughter was treated meanly by another girl, and my friend listed all the things in her head she wanted to say to this girl. But she didn't say them, because she is thirty and not a child. She said something adult instead.
Adults also acknowledge when they have done something out of order and resolve to do better next time.
I really do get why you were so upset but you handled it badly and then seem to have come on here to crow about your victory and expect congratulations. That really isn't very reasonable behaviour.

Cross posted with you.

If you have spoken to her about her behaviour before and it's made no difference, then you avoid family meals with them or don't allow your DD to sit with your niece- be proactive and stop it. Or say something after every single comment about how unkind her behaviour is.

Yep you lost it and made a child feel shit. Well done OP you are the better person.

What do you want people to say?

Why did you post asking opinions of you are so convinced you were right?

YANBU to have a go. Especially since DN hasn't taken on board the previous very restrained corrections - she doesn't sound easy, and she's too old to get away with repeated spite.

You know what, altho you were as rude to DN as she is to your DD, which isn't great, it might just have worked. Something needs to.

You're no better than your niece.

If I had called her a hussy or a similar name then I'd admit it would have been childish but I merely pointed out her own senses of dress may not been seen to others as appropriate, which is more or less what she did to my dd. My dd isn't one for standing up for herself drspite me encoraging her to in appropriate circumstances so I wasn't about to allow my niece to get away with it, she's a little horror of a child.

You sound about 10!

I wonder where your DN gets her spiteful ways from? Has she been spending a lot of time in your company?

YABVU

So stop hanging out with SIL and niece if the behaviour isn't addressed. Or do you think getting into an escalating battle of insults is a better way to handle it?

It's not pleasant for your daughter to be there. I don't think you should take her.

Or, maybe op has stopped this girl becoming a nasty little bully who ruins other children's lives with her witty brand of bitchyness? I bet she stops her tirade of 'assessments' now.

You weren't unreasonable to tell her off, but I agree with pp in that you shouldn't have used the exact behaviour you were criticizing. You should have simply said that your DD was dressed very nicely and that everyone likes different things and it is very unkind to say mean things about what someone looks like. You should then have moved to a different part of the table.

What was the question??

This is one where the OP wants gushing validation, not to know if she was unreasonable.

YABU by the way.

OH for goodness sake, stop being so dishonest! You were not 'merely pointing' anything out. We have all read your original post. You were not, nor were you trying to be, neutrally descriptive. You were having a dig to put her down and shut her up. At least be self aware enough to admit it.

yabvvu to verbally insult a child - not very grown up

you could have asked to stop without 'slut shaming' her

So you dealt with snidey put downs about your childs clothing by being snidey to another about her clothing ? Well done you

What whoever does or doesnt wear is not the point. Its the being nasty. Thats what you should of pulled her up on, not attack her for what she wears.

Frankly you should not of let anyone spoken to your child like that so frequently

I agree with things and chinese If your repeated requests for acceptable behaviour are ignored by SIL and DN, then the reasonable option would be to limit your contact with them to manageable levels, so DD isn't exposed to their shite.

If Sil is still speaking to you, just say no the next time she suggests you do something together.

I don't think you were unreasonable.

You tried to do it nicely, she pushed, she got what she deserved.

Gosh Arnt people on mumsnet goody goodies.

OP IM not surprised you snapped. Your neice sounds like a little bully who needed taking down a peg or two. If she was saying that to your dd whilst you were around inagine what she says to a similar child at school out of earshot of adults.

Who cares about moral high ground. Well done for standing up for your dd.

I bet she stops her tirade of 'assessments' now.

I bet she doesn't.
Especially now she knows it's how adults behave too

YABU for resorting to calling her names. Had you stepped in and firmly told your DN that you won't tolerate her being unkind to your DD, I'd have said YWNBU, because your DD needed to hear you defending her (and I'm sure she was glad that you did so). It's the 'hussy' thing I have a problem with, because young girls already have a shit enough time of it with all the slut-shaming going on in society, let alone from family members. Kids should be able to wear what the bloody hell they like; you want that for your DD yet have no problem judging your DN's clothing. Slightly double standards.

YANBU for telling your niece not to insult your daughter, but YABU for referring to your niece's dress sense. You could perfectly well tell her firmly to stop commenting on and insulting your daughter's clothes without mentioning hers, and you know it.

balletgirlmum exactly