Surely this is just basic etiquette when visiting a newborn for first time?

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Genuinely intrigued and posting here for honest answers.
Two family members met my newborn ds over this weekend.
I know babies aren't as interesting to others as the parents but surely

• a passing glance in baby's direction
• 'he's so cute' 'good name' type comment
• if offered a cuddle you don't just say 'no I'm alright'
• I always take a card and gift too but this isn't the case either Basic manners no?

Visiting newborn ettiquette is as follows -

• Take cake/biscuits/snacks for new parents
• Coo over baby
• Sniff baby's head
• Have cuddles
• Sniff again
• Offer to make cup of tea for new mum
• Another head sniff
• Jokey comment about bottling smell of baby's head
• Final head sniff
• Leave with minimal drama.

Casta I agree - I never actively wanted anyone to hold my newborns (except for practical reasons occasionally so I could go to the loo, but in that case if DH was there he would be the obvious choice). I hate pass the baby and with all of my babies have felt physically uncomfortable handing them over when they are very new (under about 6 weeks old), despite realising that is usually illogical - knowing it is illogical and presumably hormonal doesn't make the feeling any less real!

It is very much not true that all new mothers want you to hold their babies, but it is true that it is expected that new mothers will hand their babies over on demand... which I still find a bit odd even now my baby days are behind me, and suspect I always will!

jorah why have you included cuddles in your list? Surely if you've read the thread you'd have spotted masses of reasons why people wouldn't want to hold a baby.

Saying something nice about the baby and asking how everyone is doing is just common courtesy though, and I agree everything is better with a cup of tea and a biscuit.

Sorry purple I forgot the warning

Okay cut out the cuddles, but head sniffs are non-negotiable.

Schwabisch, me too.

People are preoccupied by a lot of different life changing issues -- illness, disability, a child with SN, financial disaster, parents with illness. Having a child is one of many changes that occurs and requires your attention. With the arrival of a baby the change is immediate and dramatic and irreversible, but coping with an ongoing battle with cancer can take years too (I have a friend who is declared clear for two years and then doctors find something else and she is off for another round of biopsies, surgery, chemo, and this has been going on for ten years), as can dealing with a parent's decline. Sometimes friends are not the fun people they were when you first met them, and sometimes the friendship is a one way street, but that is life ime. I think someone who can only envision friendship with people experiencing the same life stage really is limiting him or herself, as Kerala says.