Surely this is just basic etiquette when visiting a newborn for first time?

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Genuinely intrigued and posting here for honest answers.
Two family members met my newborn ds over this weekend.
I know babies aren't as interesting to others as the parents but surely

• a passing glance in baby's direction
• 'he's so cute' 'good name' type comment
• if offered a cuddle you don't just say 'no I'm alright'
• I always take a card and gift too but this isn't the case either Basic manners no?

I would usually think that a terrified glance would be the minimum I'd expect but I do know someone who was so petrified of babies that she was unable even to look. When I met people who were totally unable to engage with a baby I tried telling them about the pram instead. Those people are often much more comfortable with thinking about the suspension on pram wheels.

I know a lot of people too who are just totally uninterested in babies. When ds was young I bumped into a friend who was already pregnant but who was totally uninterested in babies (her dh wanted a baby very much) and she didn't even glance at my ds even though she was a good friend of many years and hadn't seen me since his birth. Some people just really aren't into babies.

My own son was obviously the most adorable interesting baby in the history of babies.

Meanwhile, in the real world....babies really aren't of interest other than for their adoring parents and other relatives.

It is normal to make polite noises i.e. 'he/she is lovely' etc but it is not unreasonable not to want to hold a newborn. I remember a time I was frightened to hold a baby in case I did not do it right etc.

Unless they were close friends or family, it would not occur to me to buy a gift.

I valued people who came to visit and help me more than my new baby, some visitors were so obsessed with the baby that I just felt like the vessel that had delivered it.

I agree it is normal to coo and make polite comments about the baby but I appreciated people who still recognised me as the same person they knew before I became a mother, I didn't want to just sit and talk about babies . Not everyone is a blissfully happy new mum and, for me, it was just nice to talk about other things.

The whole point is you get exited that friend or family has had the baby. You honour and choose very cute clothes!
You visit and make mum and dad a cup of tea and take baby have lots of coos and cuddles whilst mum and dad drink HOT cup of tea. Then babies nappy makes an explosive noise and child screams like a banshee and you hand baby back and say "I think they need mummy" thank fuck I'm not cleaning up an explosive yellow shit! I'll see you later I'm off to my trained DS and DD ...

Love you .... Bye

Monty she did say 'it'. And I hadn't even offered a hold!

Agree with you Ragwort but there is a vast difference between what you describe and completely ignoring your baby to the point where someone doesn't even look at him / her.

Sounds a bit odd to me, I agree! Congrats on new baby though :) Have as much cuddles as you can

I totally agree with BooOzMoo.

Wobbly it's probably the same person! So rude. I'd start calling her "it". "It"'s a human being you loon!

Maybe they came to visit and see how YOU were doing?

I know plenty of people who would come to visit me in hospital because they were worried about me, rather than have any particular interest in the baby.

Why are you taking it as some sort of personal affront?

But they didn't goodnessgracious. They came "to meet the baby". Isn't that what op said op thread?

No, of course not everyone likes babies or wants to hold them but I don't think that's the point of OP's post. Why would you come to see someone who has a newborn and not even ask about the child?

They sound rude (though it is quite hard to hold a baby that isn't your own, I find).

I think if you can remember the social convention of birthdays or Christmas even if you don't celebrate them, then you can remember to make a comment on a newborn.

One comment is all that's needed, 'congratulations, he's lovely'. No holding or presents/cards needed but I think most people are generally polite.

I don't think it's rude to not want to hold the baby. I waited until people asked to hold mine as I wouldn't have wanted to make anyone feel uncomfortable. It might be a little strange not to say anything about the baby, but again not rude. Newborns aren't very interesting to many people. Maybe they'll be more interested when the baby is interacting more. Also, presents are not to be expected! They brought you Christmas gifts so I think that's ebout. Not many people have extra cash this time of year.

OP, I totally agree with you. People are weirdly zealously tolerant on MN. In RL, of course it is polite to ask after a new baby/show an interest/take a small gift. And they ahouldn't be hassling a new mum if they are too disinterested to do those things - having visitors takes up a lot of energy.

We never had anyone as bad as your two when DD1 was born, but we did have a few who were pretty piss poor visitors and annoyed us at the time. The good thing is that this means we know in advance who not to allow round when DD2 is born in a few months so you'll know for next time!

I would have brought a card and gift and smiled at the baby, said it was lovely and cute even if it wasn't and would have happily sat and discussed the baby for an hour or so....

But hold it? Or sit and stare at it constantly and say how cute it is? Nah. I'm not into babies/children, don't find them cute, find the noise irritating. I would have said 'I'm okay thanks' too and if you thought I was rude, I would think YOU were rude and incredibly self serving. You do sound a little bit 'everyone should want to fawn over my baby' from this post. Sorry OP.

Don't understand half the comments on here! Yanbu of course op. Basic manners to bring a little prezzie and card, coo a bit and generally look interested. This baby is your whole world right now and anyone visiting should respect that. I don't know anyone who wouldn't want to hold a newborn but I guess some don't. That still means they should say 'no thank you but he's lovely' or something nice.

Newborns aren't very interesting to many people

Bollocks. Plenty of people love babies

My dsis would behave like that. She'll visit me but a newborn just disgusts her. She'll happily entertain my older children though. That's fine not everyone likes babies.
I will coo over other people's newborns but I do feel uncomfortable holding them. They are so fragile and delicate it scares me

Oh and dsis wouldn't bring a card or present either. Babies and young children are really not her thing, she won't ever have any of her own. She would possibly bring some Lego for the older children though and they would be much more appreciative of it, getting some attention when everything else is all about a baby.
It's nice that the world is made up of different people

I'm not that interested in babies and don't really find them cute, but I'd certainly take a small present, smile at the baby and say hello, then offer to make the parent(s) a cup of tea and ask how it was going.

People know they needn't bother asking me if I want to hold the baby , but in the past I've just said 'Thank you, but I don't think I'm great at handling babies,' which is the truth if not quite the whole truth.

So yes, basic politeness and not that hard.

I refused to hold my stepsisters newborn! I was only about 22 and was scared I would drop him!

I still commented about how cute he was though

My baby's nan on the stupid dickhead of a dad side didn't even acknowledge my son but came to my house 5 minutes after I got home from the hospital. She literally looked at him asked his name and went home.

People are strange