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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask about Thursday weddings

156 replies

WombatStewForTea · 20/12/2015 13:56

Posting here for traffic...

DP and I are trying to find and book a venue for our wedding. We've found our perfect venue but it's an hour away from where we live so we've decided not to have a separate evening do as we don't think it's fair to ask people to travel that far for an evening do and scared no one would come

Anyway this option is obviously more expensive so we're looking to cut some costs if we can and one way to do that would be to have a Thursday wedding. I'm a teacher as are a lot of our friends and it'll be in the summer holidays so no problem for them but how do people feel in general about having to take two days off work? We looked at Friday but there's a definite price jump!

So would you be happy to go to a Thursday wedding if you were invited to the whole thing?

OP posts:

Oysterbabe · 20/12/2015 13:58

I'd go but would find it pretty inconvenient.

Trills · 20/12/2015 14:00

Depends on how far I had to travel, how much spare annual leave I had, and how good a party I thought the couple would throw.

I would quietly grumble a bit, definitely, because unless it was in the town where I live I'd have to take two days off work.

Lightheartedindeed · 20/12/2015 14:00

Yes definitely. We had a Thursday wedding as did most of our friends. I am more than happy to use my holidays to attend a wedding of people who think enough of me to invite me.
We saved a lot of money by having a Thursday and we didn't have anyone decline the invitation.

Bearbehind · 20/12/2015 14:01

It depends whether people you invite have to take holiday to attend.

Teachers will be off anyway and people who work in other jobs that allows them to take time off in the week can probably accommodate it.

I work Monday to Friday and if attending your wedding meant taking 2 days holiday, unless you were very close family, I wouldn't go.

It's your wedding, you can do what you like but you have to be prepared for the fact that if you do something a bit unusual or something that makes it difficult for people to attend, they won't all go.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 20/12/2015 14:03

Why would people need to have two days off? Because of drinking?

I think you'll notice a drop in the people who can come, because Annual Leave is precious. Your family and close friends will probably try to come, but you'll find less people can come than if it was at the weekend.

I also think you'll find that a percentage of the people who do come on Thursday will leave the evening do early enough to get home and work on Friday. That might lower your alcohol costs, if people plan to drive home.

It is undeniably cheaper, though, so it's weighing up what's more important. I think, for me, I'd rather save for longer or get a cheaper venue than have some people miss out because of AL or work.

I'd make the effort for most people that I know, but I can also work from anywhere, so with some planning, I could still work Thursday and Friday.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 20/12/2015 14:04

It would have to be close family or best friend. It might be cheaper for you but two days precious holiday and a likely overnight stay just means the guests pick up the cost.

RNBrie · 20/12/2015 14:05

I'd go... But I'd appreciate lots of notice so I can plan my annual leave accordingly.

We'd also find it impossible to find childcare if we had to stay over so we'd have to decline if it was a child free wedding.

YouMakeMyDreams · 20/12/2015 14:05

Honestly I'd have a good whinge behind your back to dh sorry. There is no guarantee we would both get the two days off either together. We are fortunate that my parents cam watch dc most of the holidays but we still need a lot of out annual leave to cover other days. Plus dh has to save 2 weeks for Christmas.
If we were close I'd try and work it so we could go but I would find it pretty inconvenient and feel it was two precious days we could have had doing something else when we are off together.

Flockofsheep · 20/12/2015 14:07

Bear in mind that, depending on what time it starts, people who have to travel might need to travel Wednesday evening, so I would start late enough on the Thurs to give people time to travel and get ready, ie could you start at 1pm rather than say 11am?

I have only been to one Thursday wedding and to be honest, while the ceremony etc was lovely there was not a 'party' atmosphere as a lot of people weren't drinking/ left early as they had work the next day. So if a big party atmosphere is important to you Thurs might not be best day.

Also my teacher friends tend to take advantage and go on long holidays / travelling in the summer, so will your teacher friends definitely be around?

Personally I would only take 2 days annual leave from work for a wedding for immediate family / very close friends. I only get 25 days annual leave a year and it's so precious.

Also will you be asking your friends to take another day off work for hen do /stag do?

Could you find a cheaper venue and go for a Saturday? Ie a church hall wedding on a Saturday might be better than a posh country house wedding on a Thursday

Just some stuff to consider

GabiSolis · 20/12/2015 14:09

I would go if you were a very close friend or family, but I have to be honest and say I wouldn't be massively happy about the day. My annual leave is limited and realistically for a wedding an hour away (assuming most of your guests are from the local area) you're looking at two days off work.

Tbh, I would try to find another venue more locally if I was expecting people to attend a Thursday wedding.

witsender · 20/12/2015 14:13

We had a Friday wedding which was fine, it was small and most people came. Thursdays are difficult. Two days off is a lot for most people, but it is completely your choice as long as you respect that many may not come, and try to start at a sensible (say, afternoon) time so that people can travel at a sensible time on the day and not need time the day before.

Flockofsheep · 20/12/2015 14:16

Ps my wedding was a Friday which was fine, although we only invited a small number of very close family etc

BackforGood · 20/12/2015 14:18

I think you'd have to give a lot of notice of the date, as obviously a lot of people will normally book their holidays for - well, the school holidays, but other than that I would.
However, this so much depends on people's situation regarding being able to take holiday. In some places, there is a limit to the number of people who can be off, and someone else in their workplace might have booked the time, let alone your friends. Some people really struggle to get enough holiday to cover their childcare so won't be able to have spare days for a wedding.
However, as a teacher, I'm guessing quite a few of your friends will be teachers too so you'll have some people there.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 20/12/2015 14:21

I think you'll find that a lot of people won't be able to come. If it's a Thursday, all day wedding, that would be two, possibly three days off work for those people that aren't teachers, or who have partners that aren't.

Having got married recently, I understand the need to do it as cheaply as possible, but you need to weigh up your ideal locations, versus how special it will be if only half your friends and family can make it.

Fridays are normally more expensive than Thursdays, but cheaper than Saturdays.

We started off looking at a beautiful but pricey barn, ended up with a registry office and village hall. Less than half the price, everyone could attend, and perfect for us. The registry office was stunning, and the hall had a wonderful setting. Saved ourselves a fortune.

TheJiminyConjecture · 20/12/2015 14:22

So there's an hours travel minimum and we'd need to book a days annual leave (or 2 days and a hotel if we had a drink)? So you can save money? You'd have to be a very close friend/close family for me to go. I've never been invited to a weekday wedding other than as a secret witness for a registry office do before the big family wedding abroad.

notquitehuman · 20/12/2015 14:24

I'd probably go, but I wouldn't be too happy about taking two days off. Plus if it was far to travel we'd end up forking out for staying the night before at a hotel. Can you not pick something a bit closer and cheaper and have a Friday or Saturday wedding?

If your heart is really set on this place then I think you need to be prepared for people to decline. Unless they're pretty close to you they may not want to make the effort.

munkisocks · 20/12/2015 14:24

I had a Thursday wedding in october. From 120 guests only 2 said they found it inconvenient so didn't come. Brother getting married July on a Thursday as lower cost. I don't see anything wrong with it.

PunkAssMoFo · 20/12/2015 14:25

I've been to a couple & it is an inconvenience taking 2 days off work. Also, many guests obviously only took one day as they started leaving fairly early & there was definitely a quieter atmosphere than many other weddings I've attended. I think it took the shine off a little.

For a good friend I would still go & enjoy it, but it wouldn't be the most convenient. Personally I'd book for a weekend at a cheaper time of year- it's not like you're guaranteed good weather in uk summertime anyway.

yorkshapudding · 20/12/2015 14:28

To be honest, my heart sinks a tiny bit when we get an invitation to a midweek wedding (which has been happening more and more recently) as it's so inconvenient but I still feel obliged to do my best to attend. For me and DH to take two days off together for a wedding is a big ask. Like a lot of people, our annual leave is very limited and we need it for childcare purposes. Two days off work plus, for some people, substantial travel costs and an overnight stay might be a dealbreaker for quite a few people and although it undoubtedly saves you a lot of money it does feel a bit like passing the cost on to your guests. I would imagine quite a few people will have to decline due to work commitments or leave early to travel back so that they don't have to take the second day off.

GinIsABreakfastFood · 20/12/2015 14:29

TBH I think if you are worried about costs and also attendance it's perhaps nicer to look at a Friday or Saturday wedding 'off-season' ie October - March than to pick a weekday in summer. We got married last year and were conscious that the same year as us, we were invited to 9 other weddings so really didn't want to have to inconvenience friends and family who already had other weddings they might need to take time off for....

TheWernethWife · 20/12/2015 14:29

We had ours on a Wednesday, family and a few invited friends. Everyone took a day off work to attend, gave them a good lunch at a fab pub with a beer garden.

honeyroar · 20/12/2015 14:29

I have to book leave for weekend weddings anyway, so it wouldn't make any difference to me. I don't think an hour away is far personally.

Scoopmuckdizzy · 20/12/2015 14:34

I had a small Monday wedding but only invited very close friends and family and was conscious that it wasn't a convenient day but those who mattered to us were there.

I went to a Thursday wedding this week and it was lovely. I suppose there are some couples you don't mind taking a days leave for. I also took the Friday off to do some Christmas shopping so I've had a nice long weekend.

annandale · 20/12/2015 14:38

Could you have an evening wedding ceremony - I know this used to be difficult but perhaps it's easier now? That way you might get some people who decide to work Thurs, drive up and stay over to make a long weekend of it, so you'd get more of a party atmosphere.

LibrariesgaveusP0wer · 20/12/2015 14:40

Depends how far people are travelling.

I'd think it was a bit selfish TBH - the reason it's more expensive at the weekend is because it's more convenient for the guests. By going for Thursday you are essentially saying "me having my big wedding at my preferred venue was traded off against your convenience". I'd rather have a smaller wedding (even if a lot of my friends had to be ditched from the guest list) personally.

How far are people coming - if it's a long distance you are asking them to take three days off. Not two. That's a lot. If they are all about an hour like you, it's more like one day off work so nowhere near as bad (but expect a lot to go home in the evening rather than take two days off).

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