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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about Thursday weddings

156 replies

WombatStewForTea · 20/12/2015 13:56

Posting here for traffic...

DP and I are trying to find and book a venue for our wedding. We've found our perfect venue but it's an hour away from where we live so we've decided not to have a separate evening do as we don't think it's fair to ask people to travel that far for an evening do and scared no one would come

Anyway this option is obviously more expensive so we're looking to cut some costs if we can and one way to do that would be to have a Thursday wedding. I'm a teacher as are a lot of our friends and it'll be in the summer holidays so no problem for them but how do people feel in general about having to take two days off work? We looked at Friday but there's a definite price jump!

So would you be happy to go to a Thursday wedding if you were invited to the whole thing?

OP posts:
Kaytee1987 · 21/12/2015 08:19

Could you not just have people separately in the evening and put a coach on so they're not paying or travel?
You will have a good time whatever happens but you also want your guests to enjoy.
We actually chose our venue & date around making it easier for our guests, every single person turned up and I was still dancing in my wedding dress at 3am so think about what kind of wedding you want - big party or a bit more low key. I predict a lot of people will just take the Thursday and leave at 9pm.

CoperCabana · 21/12/2015 08:20

And I am sure that many of them would say they wouldn't change a thing about their wedding. But I would!

WhoKn0wsWhereTheMistletoes · 21/12/2015 08:28

A lot of non teachers are restricted as to how much time they can get off work in the school summer holidays as so many want that time off. In my last job all the people with school age childrrn sat down at the start of the leave year and carved up the summer holidays between them, in whole weeks, max of two off on any given week. So if I'd wanted two days off plus my usual block of a fortnight that would have meant someone else couldn't have had that week off. Therefore I wouldn't have gone to the wedding.

WhoKn0wsWhereTheMistletoes · 21/12/2015 08:31

Also if I could come it would definitely be a case of one of us drive back and probably leave by about 8pm. Assume you are inviting children? Again we find childcare outside school hours hard in the holidays as on any given week a lot of friends/family will be away.

Headofthehive55 · 21/12/2015 08:35

I'm the same as whoknows to take two days off would eat into my fort nights hols in the six weeks and I couldn't go on holiday for a fortnight then.

Catsize · 21/12/2015 08:37

I am self-employed, and to take one day off in a week can potentially mean losing a week's earnings. Friday weddings are bad enough (annoyingly, both my brothers had them) but I'd think Thursdays was taking the biscuit.
If I had paid leave, not so bad. I really wouldn't mind giving up a couple of days leave for a wedding.
With the Friday weddings we have been to, expense could have certainly been cut in other areas to ensure a more convenient day for the guests.
When it comes to weddings, quality not quantity matters in my view - make it really special for a few guests rather than average for many.

MoMoTy · 21/12/2015 08:43

It's hugely inconvenient and annual leave is precious, I wouldn't. And I would not feel ok to think people have to put themselves out for that.

jackstini · 21/12/2015 08:53

We got married on a Sunday, which was much cheaper, but had it day before bank holiday Monday so most people were off.
Could you try that?

BringMeTea · 21/12/2015 09:02

We married on a Sunday (i.e. cheaper) before a Bank Holiday. Everyone came. Could you do that with the August Bank Holiday?

BringMeTea · 21/12/2015 09:04

Ha ha. Didn't rtft, I see jackstini got in first! Grin

Orda1 · 21/12/2015 09:05

I'd moan very loudly, along the lines of using two days leave so the couple can save a few bucks.

Blueturquoise · 21/12/2015 09:10

We got married on a Thursday. It was a Thursday after Easter BlushBlush so people had just used annual leave for Easter ! Only looking back do we realise how inconvience it was for people. However most of our good friends came, some left early in the evening but most stayed over and most people told us it was a fab wedding. I think for a good friend I wouldn't mind taking the days off. But I wouldn't be offended if people couldn't come

MrFMercury · 21/12/2015 09:23

We got married on a Thursday with 6 weeks notice. We also invited only immediate family and were the only ones with a small child at that point. Everyone else had to travel and my MIL, BIL & SIL all stayed at our house to look after DD as we had a free night in the hotel we had our meal in. Oh and we asked guests to pay for their £25 meal if they were able too, not sure if we broke any other rules.
Thing is our parents and siblings knew we were on a tight budget, they also knew why it was important we get married when we did. They knew if they couldn't attend or pay for their meal we would understand and that we spent virtually nothing on our clothes. There were no flowers, photographers or posh cars and they made the offer to babysit. We spent less than £750 and would have married with two witnesses in our jeans if needs be.
Our families wanted to be there and provide things like photos, video, flowers and a wedding cake and we felt honoured to share the day with them. Not every wedding has to be about expectations and resentment does it?

MrFMercury · 21/12/2015 09:24

Oh and it was early afternoon with no evening do so done and dusted by 5pm.

Original poster
WombatStewForTea · 21/12/2015 09:31

Thanks for all the replies. As I said earlier it's my DP who is pushing for a Thursday and I'd rather have a Friday (Saturday is out as its already booked up on every Saturday)

The distance thing is a little bit of a red herring as most people would be travelling anyway as they don't live locally.

The whole reason it's become more expensive is because we decided against a separate evening do.

God it's so stressful trying to work out what to do for the best.

OP posts:
MontyYouTerribleCunt · 21/12/2015 09:37

Personally, and it totally depends on your guests so hard to say, but if it was my wedding again with the same guest list, I'd cut down number of guests and have a different venue on a Saturday but that's just me!

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 21/12/2015 09:41

We kept the guest list down too as I hate evening only invites as they seem second rate. We also kept the venue local so people didn't need to spend a fortune travelling or staying overnight. Food was on all day in stages and photos over very quickly so guests didn't get bored.

Having been to lots of weddings, we wanted simple and guest friendly. Nothing worse than a wedding that puts the costs on guests or shows no consideration for them willing to give up their time to witness your vows.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 21/12/2015 09:54

Honestly?

I'm sorry but I really resent the fact that because the bride and groom won't cut their cloth, I have to instead. Which would be a lot of the venue is an hour outside of your area as well.

I think if the venue isn't convenient, then you have to have it on a weekend or just accept that people won't want to come.

DefinitelyNotElsa · 21/12/2015 10:02

As a teacher, I am not a fan of weekday weddings during school holidays. It means that my non-teaching DH has to use up precious holiday and it caps when we can go on our holiday. The assumption is always that 'it's fine because you're not at work', but it's not always that simple.

I would make an exception for a close friend or family but would probably decline otherwise.

I agree with the PPs who pointed out that a) weddings need not be expensive for anyone and b) by the bride and groom making a saving, they are simply transferring the cost to their guests.

Runningupthathill82 · 21/12/2015 10:09

Yy WhoKnows. I don't think some teachers realise how hard it is for non-teachers to get time off in school holidays. We also have to carve up the school holidays between us the minute the annual leave calendar for the next year is drawn up.

So I couldn't take two days (or even one) during school holidays without either taking that as my full week, or finding another colleague willing to sacrifice their own leave and cover for me. That, too, is presuming I'd got a year's notice of the wedding. Summer 2016 has been booked off in my office for some time!

RhiWrites · 21/12/2015 11:52

In my opinion weekday weddings are a way of passing the costs on to guests. I agree with the poster who mentioned smug brides and grooms boasting about saving money in front of guests who have had to take extra leave or unpaid leave to attend.

Saturdays are more expensive for the bridal couple but much less hassle and less expensive for the guests to attend. If you must do it then perhaps say no presents please because of all you are costing the guests?

waitingforsomething · 21/12/2015 12:00

Really inconvenient - I don't even like friday weddings! But with enough notice people will come

waitingforsomething · 21/12/2015 12:05

We considered a week day wedding so we could have a really smart venue but decided on a different venue on a Saturday. The venue was still absolutely lovely, a third of the price and almost all our invitees came because it was the weekend. Had such a great time but it would have been a bit shit if people couldn't have come

Bearbehind · 21/12/2015 12:17

it's my DP who's pushing for a Thursday and I'd rather have a Friday

Not sure there's much more advice to offer here given Friday is a weekday too Hmm

Yes it's potentially one day less leave but it is still likely to be a day many people have to take as holiday.

Damselindestress · 21/12/2015 12:19

DH and I had a Friday wedding, which I didn't think was that unusual but there were a few guests who were really negative about it, including BIL who made a big deal about saying we were inconsiderate because his girlfriend might not be able to get the time off uni (incidentally Friday turned out to be her day off and he ended up dumping her before the wedding anyway so it was irrelevant.) To be blunt, we had a small wedding and an even smaller list of guests that we considered absolutely essential (parents, best friends etc) all of whom we knew could make it before we picked the date. If you take that approach it might work but planning a big wedding on a weekday would be difficult.