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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask about Thursday weddings

156 replies

WombatStewForTea · 20/12/2015 13:56

Posting here for traffic...

DP and I are trying to find and book a venue for our wedding. We've found our perfect venue but it's an hour away from where we live so we've decided not to have a separate evening do as we don't think it's fair to ask people to travel that far for an evening do and scared no one would come

Anyway this option is obviously more expensive so we're looking to cut some costs if we can and one way to do that would be to have a Thursday wedding. I'm a teacher as are a lot of our friends and it'll be in the summer holidays so no problem for them but how do people feel in general about having to take two days off work? We looked at Friday but there's a definite price jump!

So would you be happy to go to a Thursday wedding if you were invited to the whole thing?

OP posts:

notquitehuman · 20/12/2015 20:38

While most people CAN take a couple of days off, it's worth remembering yours isn't the only wedding they might be going to this year. A friend of mine went to five this summer. A combination of nieces and old friends getting married, so she forked out loads in gifts, travel etc. If they'd all chosen to marry midweek miles away, she'd have needed a second mortgage.

ThursdayLastWeek · 20/12/2015 20:46

Yes, while it might be doable it does smack to me of
A) prioritising venue over guests and
B) pushing costs onto guests.

So although I'm not totally against other people doing it, and I'd probably go - I'd never do it myself, and think it's a little bit distasteful.

Bodicea · 20/12/2015 20:53

My dh gets 20 days leave a year as do a lot of people. Two days of for someone's wedding is quite a big chunk of that. Once you have had a couple of holidays and time off with sick kids etc,etc there is t much left.

So no would not appreciate a Thursday wedding. And it would have to be someone pretty important to go.

Notimefortossers · 20/12/2015 20:57

I'm so surprised by the majority reaction to this!

Weekday wedding are really increasing in popularity due to the ever increasing costs of getting married. I'm 31, so in the last few years most of my friends (and me!) have got married and every single one of us has done it on a weekday.

Anyone that is important you OP and you them (which for me is the only kind of people I want at my wedding!) will have no problem taking a day or two off to see you get wed.

Also, it's your day. And you only get one (hopefully!) so do what makes you happy

Unreasonablebetty · 20/12/2015 21:03

We got married on a Wednesday, nothing to do with cost, but we got married over an hour away, and the hotel our reception was at didn't have as much availability come the Saturday-
because it was far away we only invited people who would care to travel that far away,
we paid for the hotel rooms, drinks and ample food for all our guests. They loved it. It was like a mini break in the middle of the week.

Those who love you will be there no question about it. Enjoy!!

blueteapot · 20/12/2015 21:10

Please dont have a Thursday wedding! Such a waste of peoples annual leave. We've been to a few in recent times, generally booked on a Thursday to save cash rather than no weekend availability, lots of the guests didnt book the Friday off so drank less / went home early so by quite early on it was a bit empty. If you're after something more low key though it might suit? Here in NI there tends to be a big emphasis on the evening party. We declined a Thursday wedding in England last year because it would have sucked up 3 days leave whereas had it been over a weekend we'd definitely have gone.

tadjennyp · 20/12/2015 21:25

We were married on Maundy Thursday so people who needed to took one day odd and had a five day Easter weekend. It was great, and most people were able to come.

Salimali15 · 20/12/2015 21:29

Maybe think about it this way, OP... As teachers, what do you do if you receive an invite to a weekday wedding during term-time? It really makes life awkward; I'm sure you're like me and have had to turn down invitations. If you go for a Thursday, you would have to accept people being unable to attend.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 20/12/2015 21:31

We might struggle depending on DH's remaining annual leave. We tend to use a week for a family holiday, he has to save a lot some for Christmas and some needs to be put by for childcare emergencies as I'm a teacher and have no flexibility. It would be a pain tbh.

Whatsername24 · 20/12/2015 21:42

We're invited to my husband's nephew's Thursday wedding next Summer and it'll be inconvenient. It's a busy time of year for my husband to take time off and we're a three hour drive away so will need to drive down early and come back the same day so that he just misses one day and can be in work on the Friday. Not ideal at all and I'd gladly turn down the invite (haven't seen this nephew for quite a number of years and have never met his girlfriend) but we're getting a lot of pressure from MIL, apparently we have to go.

Bogeyface · 20/12/2015 21:51

I agree with a PP that its interesting that the only people who say "go for it, its wonderful" are people who had these weddings themselves and clearly no one told them what a PITA it was to attend their wedding!

Diddlydokey · 20/12/2015 22:05

I'd prefer a Sunday as then I'd just take one day. Don't be afraid to barter - we knocked off more money for Friday 13th

MontyYouTerribleCunt · 20/12/2015 22:11

^^yep! Nearly everyone thinks their own wedding was wonderful. Guests might not be so sure...

That said, DH and I bent over backwards to make sure the whole of our extended families could make it to our wedding. If I did it again we mightn't bother actually. Lovely as it was to have them there, we rarely see each other now so I don't know. If we were getting married now I'd (I say I as DH disagrees) probably go somewhere amazing for a really nice meal and party with very closest friends and family.

StarkyTheDirewolf · 21/12/2015 00:00

In fairness, I have no idea who 80% of the people at my wedding were. Church people of my dms. And at the reception on a thursday , it was 40 people in the back garden, most of whom were retired. I had 3 friends there, the rest were family. If it had been 200 people in a hall, we would have done it on a Saturday/Sunday.

WanderingNotLost · 21/12/2015 00:21

I attended my close friend's wedding on a Thursday last year. Was a 2-day leave job for me as it would have been impossible to come home the same day. I didn't begrudge taking the time off for them at all!

LongHairDontCare · 21/12/2015 07:30

If someone felt my wedding was a waste of time or a pain in the arse to attend, I'd be fine with them not coming. As long as when you book your wedding midweek, you accept the fact that not everyone will be able to come and you don't go all bridezilla, I don't see the problem.

For us, if we married on a Saturday, my SIL & BIL, dad, step mum, step brother, MIL partner, my best friend & her whole family, uncles & cousin, etc couldn't come anyway! So just as many who work midweek.

I do however agree about kids at school, which is why ours is in half term

CPtart · 21/12/2015 07:36

I don't think people will take two days off work. I wouldn't. They'll take one and leave earlier than you might wish.

scrivette · 21/12/2015 07:44

We went to a Wednesday wedding in the summer, it just meant that we didn't stay as long in the evening as DH had to work the next day.

Moonriver1 · 21/12/2015 07:45

I'm not one of those Mumsnetters who froth about weddings, I like weddings.

BUT I actually think it's pretty cheeky to have Thursday weddings.

It's like passing the cost/hassle on to your friends!

So you save money but others are forced to take annual leave, probably two days worth, if they have to travel.

As others have said I would only do this for close friends, if not I wouldn't go.

Moonriver1 · 21/12/2015 07:47

Yes CPtart and Scrivette, that's true people will come and leave early.

So that's another thing to bear in mind, OP. Do you want a big boozy knees up? If you do then you might find it will fall flat and the party will empty out early. If it's more of a tea and cake affair, fair enough.

treehousethunderstorm · 21/12/2015 08:02

We had a Thursday wedding and wouldn't change a thing. It was also an hour and a half away from home for 70% of our guests. Everyone who wanted to be there was and we didn't have anyone complain to us. We sent save the date cards nearly a year in advance, so plenty of notice.

We got to have our dream venue and photographer which we just wouldn't be able to afford if we had to pay full weekend prices. We also arranged hotel bedrooms for everyone at the venue at a rate which was 50% less than the usual off peak rate, it was full!

Half of our guests were invited to evening only and of course some people couldn't make it but you get that with any wedding. We were surprised at how many did come just for the evening, it really meant a lot to us.

I would attend a weekday wedding for family and good friends, maybe not other acquaintances if it also involved travel and overnight stays but in that case i probably wouldn't be on the top of their list either.

Plenty of notice is the key but its your wedding and if that's what you want then go for it. The people who care about you most will find a way to be there.

Kaytee1987 · 21/12/2015 08:07

Unless you were family or a best friend that had given load's of notice then I wouldn't take 2 days off for someone's wedding. Just give people as much notice as possible and expect that some people will grumble about it a bit (probably not to your face though) you will still have a brilliant time though :)

Janeymoo50 · 21/12/2015 08:17

I'd go for sure but would appreciate a fair bit of notice to book annual leave etc.

Runningupthathill82 · 21/12/2015 08:17

Yep, all those saying Thursday weddings are a good idea seem to be those who have had them themselves! Of course your guests didn't complain to you, but chances are there were a fair few moans in private.

Thing is, one Thursday wedding, for a close friend, is do-able. But last year I had seven weddings to go to. If they'd all been Thursdays and I'd taken two days leave for each one, that's 14 days out of my 20 days annual leave. Would I have done that? Not a chance.

For guests, a wedding isn't about the "dream venue" or the "dream photographer" as one pp said - it's about good friends, good company and having a fun day. You're much less likely to have a fun day if you've had to take time off work to get there and also perhaps struggled to find overnight childcare because your usual go-to babysitters are in work themselves.

Also, it's very unfair to say that if guests really care about you they will "find a way." Most people get so little holiday that taking an extra day or two is a really big deal, and might not be possible at all.

CoperCabana · 21/12/2015 08:17

if you do have a weekday wedding to save costs, do not brag to your guests about how much money you saved. I have been to several weekday weddings and the bride and groom have been totally smug about how much money thye saved. Leaves a nasty taste in the mouth and takes the shine off a dream venue imo.

It is all very well saying if they care about you, they will be there, but that is the whole point - they might not be able to! Or they might come and be majorly inconvenienced. The year we got married, 6 of our friends also did, 3 of them had weekday weddings and also had elaborate stag/hen weekends. We had to scale back the length of our honeymoon to make it work. Of course we did it for our friends.

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