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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about Thursday weddings

156 replies

WombatStewForTea · 20/12/2015 13:56

Posting here for traffic...

DP and I are trying to find and book a venue for our wedding. We've found our perfect venue but it's an hour away from where we live so we've decided not to have a separate evening do as we don't think it's fair to ask people to travel that far for an evening do and scared no one would come

Anyway this option is obviously more expensive so we're looking to cut some costs if we can and one way to do that would be to have a Thursday wedding. I'm a teacher as are a lot of our friends and it'll be in the summer holidays so no problem for them but how do people feel in general about having to take two days off work? We looked at Friday but there's a definite price jump!

So would you be happy to go to a Thursday wedding if you were invited to the whole thing?

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 20/12/2015 15:52

Maybe. DH and I need all our annual leave for school holidays - no local family. We can just about manage school holidays with Holiday Club, but this is not every day. If it was a day one of us would be at home with the DC anyway, then I would come, but chances you'd only get one of us. Both of us having 2 days off together is 4 days childcare we'd need to find elsewhere - not just pay for, but actually find. We don't have loads of options.

Thankfulforeveryday · 20/12/2015 15:55

I got married on a Wednesday but it was the week in between Xmas and new year (28th) so it didn't feel like it, no one declined as most were already off for Christmas anyway. It worked out cheaper than the original Saturday we wanted but had to bring it forward due to me getting ill.
I'd recommend that. I didn't worry about the weather either as I just assumed it would be horrid but it turned out to be a beautiful crisp day.
With weddings costing so much just for the guests now it's getting ridiculous, by the time you've been on the Hen/Stag, outfits, Hotel for the wedding, drinks, a gift etc I think I'd then begrudge having to take annual leave too!

MultishirkingAgain · 20/12/2015 15:59

With weddings costing so much

They don't have to, for anyone. Just saying.

hefzi · 20/12/2015 16:02

Definitely - I hate weekend weddings anyway: but...
Monday for health
Tuesday for wealth
Wednesday the best day of all
Thursday for losses
Friday for crosses
Saturday for no luck at all!

StarkyTheDirewolf · 20/12/2015 16:09

I had a Thursday wedding in a half term as most of my dms friends are teachers and it meant all the kids could come, so it made sense. We did it the Thursday before May bank holiday so most people were off the Friday after anyway. And anyone working (which in fairness, was only a minimal amount) only had to take the Thursday off. It was pleasant and informal (bbq and a marquee). You have to be prepared for people to not be able/want to come whatever you do. But I was lucky, the vast majority of our guests were retired or worked in education.

Bonywasawarriorwayayix · 20/12/2015 16:10

Could you do it the Friday/Saturday at the end of Spring half term? We did as lots of DH's family are teachers. The weather was glorious (maybe a fluke but you'd stand a decent chance) and it was cheaper than in the summer hols.

Turquoisetamborine · 20/12/2015 16:24

What about a Sunday before the August bank holiday? A lot more convenient for everyone.

My brother married on a Monday last summer. I only work three days and am off on a Tuesday anyway so swapped one of my days off so it was fine for me. There were still plenty people there.

counthedays · 20/12/2015 16:34

Yes of course I would, it wouldn't bother me and would feel rather decadent

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/12/2015 16:53

depends on if i had any holiday left and where rt was and tbh how a good friend you are - obv would have to attend family Wink

one friends wedding i went to was at 3.30 so only had one meal for all to have, so no evenings guests and no evening buffet which kept costs down, was think literally £45pp - whoever is there in the day usually doesnt eat evening buffet as so stuffed so could save that way and have close f&f for all day and others in evening - tho needs to be a diff venue

notquitehuman · 20/12/2015 18:01

People suggesting good Friday or the Sunday before a bank holiday Monday might want to know that some venues will hike up their prices on days like this, because they're still premium days. It's kinda shitty but it's how they make their money.

Bearbehind · 20/12/2015 18:16

I always think it is funny that on threads like these the people who think it's a good idea to do something that most people think is a bad idea are the ones who did it as well Hmm

I totally understand that weekend weddings are a problem for some people which is why it depends on your circle of friends/ relatives situations but having a wedding on a Thursday for purely cost reasons is like getting your guests to subsidise your wedding by using up their holiday entitlement.

chipsandpeas · 20/12/2015 18:17

i possibly wouldnt depends on how close we are

at this moment 90% of my annual leave for next year has already been put in....there may be some come and go but i couldnt guarantee id get the days off even if we were close....its bad enough to try and get 1 day off for a friday wedding let alone 2 for a thursday and it would deff be a no during the summer holidays
for me if i had to work the next day then there wouldnt be the same enjoyment as at the back of my head i would be thinking need to get up at 6am for work....and i probably wouldnt even drink as id be driving the next morning

if you do go for a thursday wedding then you really do need to accept that some people wont come.....they may already have holidays booked and not want to have more costs etc

DorotheaHomeAlone · 20/12/2015 18:17

I wouldn't come unless we were really close and would be pissed off about you passing the cost of your venue on to us. 4 days of leave is a lot of list wages per couple.

MagratGarlikAgain · 20/12/2015 18:26

We had a Friday wedding, which was lovely but we weren't inviting many people (only 10 guests in total). We didn't do it to secure a certain venue though, we did it because it was the first available date Smile.

I think you probably need to weigh up how important it is to you to get your ideal venue in comparison to how upset (or not) you will be if some guests decline because it is a Thursday. If the venue is more important, go for it, or, perhaps if you specifically want to ensure certain people will be there, sound them out with the idea before making the final booking confirmation.

Have a lovely day, regardless of what you decide.

AntiHop · 20/12/2015 18:34

I decided to refuse invitations to week day weddings. I know not everyone works mon to fri but most people do. I resent taking time off work so that people can have a more extravagant wedding than they would have been able to afford on a Saturday.

LongHairDontCare · 20/12/2015 18:44

We've just booked our Thursday wedding for Feb 2017. I ummed and Ahhed for ages over it but it's loads cheaper for venue, photographers, registrars etc so we went for it. We probably know just as many people who work weekends as weekdays and we booked it on half term so people with kids can stay over if they want too, and no one has to take time off school.

We have people travelling from at least 3 locations so we have booked it for 3:30pm so they can come down other day, and to be honest they don't have to stay til midnight drinking, they could leave at 8 or 9 to do an hours drive if they wanted too.

We decided to accept the fact that whatever happens some people won't be able to come. It's sad and I'd love them to all be there but I accept that the day we've chosen might affect that, so I'll understand if they can't make it. (we've also chosen the cheapest venues could find!)

Katytatiepot · 20/12/2015 18:44

I had a weekday wedding, as have lots of my friends and family. Weddings aren't just a weekend occasion anymore and everyone is getting used to it.
One couple I know had their wedding on a Thursday in term time and they only had one person decline (even teachers managed to make it by either taking unpaid leave or coming straight from work). I should also add that their venue was about an hour and a half away from most people attending!

ElasticPants · 20/12/2015 18:44

My brother got married this past year on a Thursday. It was a pain to get all the nieces and nephews the day off school, and because not many people were willing to book off the following day, a lot of guests left quite early as they had work in the morning.

The evening guests all arrived from work, so they were tired and not in a party mood. It was a lovely day, so everyone was sat outside in the garden and the dance floor was deserted.

LongHairDontCare · 20/12/2015 18:46

Gah! to on the day to cheapest venue we could find

Katytatiepot · 20/12/2015 18:47

LongHairDontCare has such a good point I forgot to include! So many people work weekends now that even a Saturday or Sunday wedding would involve people taking time off. You can't win either way so do what makes you happy - as I did with my Monday wedding and all but about 5 people attended and loved the day, with many people choosing to take the Tuesday off too! No one left early "to be up for work" everyone just partied the night away!

minipie · 20/12/2015 19:56

Personally, I'd not like to think of the expense & trouble I'd be putting people to. I'd swap "perfect venue" for "day the most people can attend."

This. By choosing a Thursday wedding you are prioritising your choice of venue over your guests being able to come. So you have to expect people not to come.

If you were a very close friend I would go (but be a bit peeved) but if not I probably wouldn't go.

In 5, 10, 20 years' time will you remember your friends and family being there, or the venue?

whois · 20/12/2015 20:25

Do you really think it's fair for you to save a bit of money, but force all your friends to take two days off work? Have you any idea how much that will cost your guests? You're not saving money, just transferring the cost onto the guests.

writingonthewall · 20/12/2015 20:30

It was a pain to get all the nieces and nephews the day off school

Had that been my brother, his nephew and niece that are my kids wouldn't have been there! No way would they miss a day of school.

Bogeyface · 20/12/2015 20:31

Same here writing.

And knowing my sister, despite the fact that it would cost £££ in fines, I would still be totally unreasonable in not taking them out, and would have caused major ructions! But still, there is no way they would be taking a day, or 2, out of school for someones wedding whether they are family or not!

SpellBookandCandle · 20/12/2015 20:35

We had a Friday afternoon wedding in July. We thought perhaps less people would be inclined to come but found ourselves with almost full attendance! I don't know about a Thursday wedding. I would go for very close family or friends.