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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask about Thursday weddings

156 replies

WombatStewForTea · 20/12/2015 13:56

Posting here for traffic...

DP and I are trying to find and book a venue for our wedding. We've found our perfect venue but it's an hour away from where we live so we've decided not to have a separate evening do as we don't think it's fair to ask people to travel that far for an evening do and scared no one would come

Anyway this option is obviously more expensive so we're looking to cut some costs if we can and one way to do that would be to have a Thursday wedding. I'm a teacher as are a lot of our friends and it'll be in the summer holidays so no problem for them but how do people feel in general about having to take two days off work? We looked at Friday but there's a definite price jump!

So would you be happy to go to a Thursday wedding if you were invited to the whole thing?

OP posts:
LibrariesgaveusP0wer · 20/12/2015 14:42

Anchor - Not necessarily drinking. If you've a three hour drive home you don't necessarily want to do that after a long day at a wedding, even if you are teetotal. And may get home too late to want to work the next day. The OP's only said how far she needs to travel so far I think.

cleaty · 20/12/2015 14:45

I would go for someone very close to me, but otherwise not. I only get the minimum annual leave, so it is precious.

Bearbehind · 20/12/2015 14:45

annandale Having an evening wedding ceremony on a Thursday is a really really bad idea IMO.

no one is going to be able to work all day, get home from work, get ready and get to a venue an hour away in time for a ceremony Hmm

It's a very valid point about weddings where people are working the next day being much more subdued- I went to one on a Sunday and it finished very early for that reason.

cleaty · 20/12/2015 14:49

Remember many people only get 28 days annual leave, and most who get more only get a few days more. As a teacher I would think if attending that you don't understand how precious this time is. By the time you book time off for Christmas and to cover some childcare in the holidays, there is often nothing left.

Mayvis · 20/12/2015 14:57

Our friends had a child free Thursday wedding. Not only did we need to book annual leave to attend, our childcare (grandparents) had to as well. It was extremely awkward to organise but we made the effort as they were close friends and the venue was local (ten minutes).

LibrariesgaveusP0wer · 20/12/2015 14:57

That is a good point too. If people are close enough then don't assume they will take Friday off work. You may find your evening do is just a bit flat and sparse.

I've done that on a Sunday wedding, rather than take Monday off I've headed home early.

Original poster
WombatStewForTea · 20/12/2015 15:02

Thanks - I was expecting most people to reply as they have.

Cleaty I do understand how precious people's annual leave is. It's actually my do who isn't a teacher and will be using his annual leave too, that is pushing the Thursday! I'd much prefer a Friday or Saturday!

Off peak at another time of year might be better. Will keep thinking!

OP posts:
DragonMamma · 20/12/2015 15:08

Could the compromise be having it before Good Friday? So everybody is off the following day anyway?

theycallmemellojello · 20/12/2015 15:09

I think that if all guests are close and you accept that you will have a lower attendance it should be fine. I think people might secretly gripe a bit though. However, people are coming from far enough away that they'll have to stay overnight, it starts to get a bit unfair, as they'd have to take two days off. Saturday is the ideal day as it means most people can stay over and not have to take time off work. I agree that a Saturday off-season is much better than a summer weekday.

theycallmemellojello · 20/12/2015 15:13

I also think that I'd prefer to go to a cheaper venue on a Saturday than a fancier one on a Thursday. There's so much pressure with weddings, but I really don't think people expect much, and no one judges DIY elements.

LibrariesgaveusP0wer · 20/12/2015 15:19

Oh, also consider how many weddings are on the horizon for your friends and family.

One year I had four weddings, only one of which was at a weekend. That year was a pain for annual leave...

notquitehuman · 20/12/2015 15:20

Exactly. I'd rather go to a village hall with an open bar at the weekend, than go for a package wedding in the middle of the week and have to fork out for a hotel room etc. Weddings can be lovely without a huge budget.

ilovesooty · 20/12/2015 15:21

I wouldn't sacrifice a day of annual leave to attend a wedding unless it was immediate family and I couldn't get out of it I'm afraid.

kslatts · 20/12/2015 15:22

I wouldn't mind but would depend how much annual leave I had left.

strawberrypenguin · 20/12/2015 15:23

I'd go for a good friend if I had enough notice to book leave, but you have to be prepared for the fact people might not to be able to make it (but then that's always true even at the weekend). Then again I had a Monday wedding so I might not be the best person to ask!

PennyHasNoSurname · 20/12/2015 15:25

if i knew well in advance, fine I can book leave, but the 1hr drive would put me off. Too far for a cab so drive and dont drink orpay ££ to stay over. Id hazard a guess that at least half of your evening guests will drive home and go about 10/10.30.

Pico2 · 20/12/2015 15:27

You are effectively pushing the cost onto your guests. Perhaps at £100 per day in lost wages. Is be there if you were a really close friend or I had to go because you were family.

MrsMilkyMoo · 20/12/2015 15:29

We had a Wednesday wedding but with the exception of family, most of our guests were academics or students, and since it was during the Easter holidays it worked well. It was only a small wedding though so we didn't have a huge guest list to consider. We saved a fortune!

Boosiehs · 20/12/2015 15:31

Good god people are miseries!

I have attended many weekday weddings. If they are my friend and I care for them I would want to be there.

OrangeFluff · 20/12/2015 15:31

We had a Thursday wedding in August. I'm a chef and DH is a restaurant manager, and a lot of our friends also work in the industry, so if we wanted any of them to attend, weekends were out. Having it in the summer holidays meant all of our teacher relatives and friends could come too, aswell as all the kids.

We did have a local venue though, and had a 2.30pm ceremony so that anyone traveling from further away had plenty of time to get there.

I can honestly say that every single person we invited came, and we had over 100 guests. Everyone stayed until midnight and drinks were flowing.

Every time I get invited to a weekend wedding, I have to take (unpaid) time off work. Not everybody works mon-fri! If people genuinely care about you they will make the effort, the same as I and many others who work weekends do.

FunkyPeacock · 20/12/2015 15:41

As others have said, if it was the wedding of a close friend or family member then I would take annual leave to attend but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't secretly be a bit annoyed

Agree with those saying I'd far rather attend a Saturday wedding at a cheaper venue than attend a Thursday wedding at somewhere more expensive

MontyYouTerribleCunt · 20/12/2015 15:44

If I was short on annual leave or didn't know the couple very well I probably wouldn't go. I know someone who got married on a Wednesday and joked that it was a friend test!

ricketytickety · 20/12/2015 15:45

some people can't book time off that easily - those who work in schools or hospitals for instance....just saying incase you need to ask those people if it would be possible first before you make a final decision

Bogeyface · 20/12/2015 15:47

I probably wouldnt tbh. An hour away and an all dayer with the kids would be a pita, and if was a no kids wedding then I wouldnt be able to get childcare during the week.

MultishirkingAgain · 20/12/2015 15:49

Friend of mine had a Wednesday wedding to get the venue she & her husband had set their hearts on. It was lovely. I could take the day "off" ie just worked longer the rest of the week, but it was tricky for some. She was a bit disappointed that one of her oldest friends couldn't make it, and murmured just a bit about this friend's priorities, which was unreasonable.

So: have it whenever, but be aware it'll be difficult for people, and some may not be able to attend. However, there are some people who will feel very obliged to attend (your immediate family?), at some cost, I imagine

Personally, I'd not like to think of the expense & trouble I'd be putting people to. I'd swap "perfect venue" for "day the most people can attend."

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