To wonder why people don't use baby sitters any more?

[LeaLeander]

This is a spin-off of the "kicked out of nativity thread" in which I noticed many people saying they could not attend events unless permitted to take along all of their children. I've seen other discussions (not just here but in real life as well) where people decline wedding invitations, skip funerals, never do anything alone with their spouse, etc. "because we don't have grandparents nearby to watch the kids."

Whatever happened to babysitters? The neighborhood teens, the college students hoping to make money, the moonlighting daycare worker, the elderly lady eking out a pension? Is the reason parents don't use sitters because no one is interested in doing the job for pay?

Even so, what about friends and neighbors, if you don't have relatives nearby? I've watched children, including very young children, for people I know but who aren't close friends, so that they could attend other children's events, or attend to other matters. I'm childfree so it's not as though family life with young children is second nature to me, and yet I can cope and parents seem to have thought so numerous times over the years. "Hi, can you watch Connor for about 90 minutes on Thursday so we can go to Madison's school play?" Sure. Go over, play with kid, or if it's asleep watch TV or read. Or parents drop off child at my house. What's the problem? Do people not have helpful friends, neighbors and co-workers any longer?

The baby in the nativity thread was 5 weeks; I have in the past minded children of friends and relatives as young as that, so the parents could go to a doctor's appointment or meal out. I've watched kids while their parents went to weddings and on several occasions, still in my teens, minded my cousins twin girls both in infancy and toddlerhood. We all survived to tell the tale.

Just really curious and perplexed as to why occasional child care seems to be out of the reach of so many people, to the point of creating situations like that at the nativity.

Never found anyone who wanted to do any babysitting - and don't know neighbours.

Did when we had first make some mum friends and we would help each other out - we were all far from family. Had some fantastic neighbours as well - who probably in an emergency have helped out.

Then we moved to an area where everyone seem to have local family willing to help - it was expected by HCP and everyone that you had that. Rest of neighbour who didn't have family on tap were either very old or just very unpleasant to us.

I tried the nursery nurses at their nursery - they weren't interested and couldn't recommend anyone either - local childminders didn't do babysitting as an aside as they had their own families. Agency one I looked at cost a fortune we didn't have.

IL like to do "babysitting" for their convenience not ours - ie they demand the DC at times they want and make out they are doing us a favour but can never really help when we actually need it and having them at all is rare. One these times if they'd had the DC a day later I could have gone to a wedding with DH or if they delayed returning them a few hours - they said no.

My family can never help - despite being much closer or how much notice given. In fact their favorited thing was for a while to say yes then let us down very last minute - with lots of isn't it a shame it miss it said with glee. Even in emergencies we are on our own.

Mind you if I go out and left DC with DH - family still bloody moan.

they socialise without us - cubs, scouts etc, sports events. We also do social things together but DH and I don't go to social events without the DCs

^^ This is us as well - though one of us might go somewhere by themselves just not as a couple without DC - one of attend a wedding etc. Though now they are all at school did do a few lunch time meals in town and DC at school.

So you have never not once since you had Dc who are old enough for scouts etc had a grown up night out together or in a group with other couples?

I'd like to go out with other couples. We've moved around a lot and simply dont know other couples to socialise with. Apart from the mums I'm meeting and even then they wouldnt all want to find babysitting either.

I miss adult time! I envy those who are friends with people with teenage kids who want to babysit/ fmaily networks etc!

Teenage babysitters of 15+ very well used round here. Lots of supply and lots of demand. £5 per hour. However, most people wouldn't use them for young babies and obviously not during the school day. The other constraint is getting sitters home late at night when you have been drinking.

Also used to be in a babysitting circle that worked pretty well for years, but petered out once the original members started to leave as their children grew up.

I would love to find a worthy teenager in my area who would babysit now and again! Between the ages of 16 and 18 I was the go-to sitter for my street. I barely knew the parents or kids but I guess they knew my parents so I made a fortune.....we have various agencies in the city where I live but looks like £10 an hour plus taxi fare if after 11pm. It does make it a very expensive night out but if we were desperate we would.

I regularly babysit for friends kids. I accept wine, dinner, fridge art and chocolate as thanks but never cash. People often express surprise that I do this but tbh it suits me - I don't have my own kids but have a set I can borrow to do stuff with and through babysitting I have a better relationship with the children than if I only ever saw them with their parents eg this weekend I' m taking two kids to the children's opera - you can't really go to that as an adult without a child and I wanted to see it as a friend is singing.

Howevr I offered to babysit (for free) for a neighbour because I regularly speak to the husband and he was whinging about how little he saw his wife, how they had no local family and never got any childfree time together. I felt a bit sorry for him/them and am well aware that relationships need a bit of couple time which is why I offered. As background I am HCP (so is the wife) and I work primarily with children so am CRB checked.

The reaction from her was astonishing - to be fair she andI don't interact often as he is the SAHP. So I see him as my crazy shift based work pattern has me off work and usually off out running / to the gym/supermarket two mornings a week when he is on the way back from the school run so we stop to chat. She tends to be at work midweek and I often work weekends so our paths don't cross.

She wanted to see my crb check, wanted to dictate lots of rules and speak to my friends for references.

I declined to provide all of that saying it sounded like too much hassle and didn't babysit.

My daughter (17) babysits regularly, has done since she was 15. She gets about 5£hr and enjoys it. When the dcs go to sleep she can study/watch tv/chill. She is the oldest of four and has a first aid qualification, and can convince a small child that they want to go to bed

If I didn't know any teens I'd be asking at the local preschool or nursery if any staff are interested in babysitting, get references through other parents and staff at the setting.

kerala in twenty years We've had very few nights out as couple.

I don't think we are that bothered actually. We have older ones that can look after the little ones, but it's not something we actively seek.

Horses for courses but I would feel sad to never dance with my husband again just because we had kids.

I am a qualified childcare practitioner and I babysit, but wouldn't sit for a 5 week old baby.

I do get a reasonable amount of custom too.

We have two regular babysitters that often sit in our living room of an evening after I've put 21 month old DS to bed. He's a good sleeper and I'm 99.9% sure he won't wake up til morning! So we use this for meals out, cinema, birthday drinks etc...

However there is no one I would ask to make/give him a meal or bathe/put him to bed. He wouldn't like to me left with anyone he didn't know so anything more than just a few hours in the evening would need to be grandparents. And I am an easygoing mum with an easygoing child!

Having been a probation officer for 16 years there are very few people I would leave my child with, but that's probably because I've been in the job too long 😬

'Horses for courses but I would feel sad to never dance with my husband again just because we had kids.'

How does having kids preclude you from dancing with your husband?

Kids soon grow up, leave the nest or are old enough to be left at home, they don't stay like that forever.

Sure but it sometimes feels like it! If I didn't have one night out with dh between 2007 and 2017 I admit I would feel sad. Worth the odd £25 to a local teen but accept I am a reckless and feckless parent going by this thread

Although another solution - sleepovers! Both mine going to my friends who has two the same age both pals of both dds tomorrow night while we go to a party. Am having hers on Monday while she works win win

I used to advertise as a babysitter when I was a teenager. I'd done first aid courses and volunteered with young children, and was pretty responsible. Would never ever have dreamed of bringing a boyfriend to a family's house.

I usually went to families houses for them to 'interview' me first and to meet the children beforehand. I wouldn't feel overly worried about putting up an ad in a local shop or fb group asking for a babysitter in a similar way, would interview them first.

Sometimes I think people are so suspicious these days, and almost think that people are guilty unless proven innocent. I prefer to believe that most people are basically good and trust my gut instinct.

I've never paid for a babysitter as I'm lucky having two lots of grandparents reasonably close. But I know people locally do use teenagers, but it still works out pretty expensive. I would object to paying on top of the cost of the thing I was doing and unless it was something really important I'd more likely not bother to go to the event.

I think attitudes have changed, I used to babysit from the age of 16 for £10 a night, sometimes doing bedtime or daytime child care not just watching telly while they sleep.

I'm not sure I would feel happy doing it unless I knew the teen already/knew their parents. I'm quite broke so actually considering offering myself as a babysitter to be honest as the money seems ok!

I think it's because times, sadly, have changed very much. We are as a society more wary, I think, and for good reason perhaps.

Also, The one-off ness of baby sitters, practically a new and unknown person being entrusted with kid vs someone you and your kid have come to know properly, all these things matter.

It's not even just being entrusted with your kids, it's being entrusted with your house and all the belongings contained within. I can remember lots of stories in my youth of friends who babysat and snuck their boyfriends in, raided the drinks cupboard etc. I would just rather not take that risk unless I knew the teenager really well or was absolutely ruddy desperate.

Hi. I'm the op if the post you are talking about. My 5 week old is breastfed. I try to express but not always successful. I have no ed to thus town only 2 years ago. My friends work and the one who doesn't has 2 herself and is heavily pregnant. My family are miles away. My husband family work or are too elderly or has a serious health problem. Only one person can watch my children who are not me and my husband is my Mil who lives 39 minutes away. She came to the play and stayed and watched with my husband whilst I sat out side. It was her birthday...hence the reason I invited her to come. So the only person who could babysit was at the event.

However I could not leave 5 week old with her as she is breastfed anyway.

I won't leave with strangers...teenagers....childminders etc full stop unless it was a serious situation and I had absolutely no other choice in the world...tennagers this is due to personal choice through past experiences.

• moved to this town 2 years ago.

And not sure why it says teenagers again on the last sentance.....I should preview before I post