To wonder why people don't use baby sitters any more?

[LeaLeander]

This is a spin-off of the "kicked out of nativity thread" in which I noticed many people saying they could not attend events unless permitted to take along all of their children. I've seen other discussions (not just here but in real life as well) where people decline wedding invitations, skip funerals, never do anything alone with their spouse, etc. "because we don't have grandparents nearby to watch the kids."

Whatever happened to babysitters? The neighborhood teens, the college students hoping to make money, the moonlighting daycare worker, the elderly lady eking out a pension? Is the reason parents don't use sitters because no one is interested in doing the job for pay?

Even so, what about friends and neighbors, if you don't have relatives nearby? I've watched children, including very young children, for people I know but who aren't close friends, so that they could attend other children's events, or attend to other matters. I'm childfree so it's not as though family life with young children is second nature to me, and yet I can cope and parents seem to have thought so numerous times over the years. "Hi, can you watch Connor for about 90 minutes on Thursday so we can go to Madison's school play?" Sure. Go over, play with kid, or if it's asleep watch TV or read. Or parents drop off child at my house. What's the problem? Do people not have helpful friends, neighbors and co-workers any longer?

The baby in the nativity thread was 5 weeks; I have in the past minded children of friends and relatives as young as that, so the parents could go to a doctor's appointment or meal out. I've watched kids while their parents went to weddings and on several occasions, still in my teens, minded my cousins twin girls both in infancy and toddlerhood. We all survived to tell the tale.

Just really curious and perplexed as to why occasional child care seems to be out of the reach of so many people, to the point of creating situations like that at the nativity.

[emmaluvseeyore]

I'm 26 and have recently started babysitting again to earn some extra cash while I write my PhD thesis. I used to do it as a teenager before I went off to uni, and often babysat for a couple of large families (4 kids) who had a child with special needs. I've been a volunteer at Brownies since I was 11 and worked for a charity providing play schemes to disabled children when I was 16-20.

I have babysat almost every Friday and Saturday night since September, and I have a regular job on Tuesday afternoons which involves a school pickup. I also have the occasional Sunday morning job. Most of my work has come through my town's Facebook page and now there is a lot of word-of-mouth recommendations. I currently have bookings for dates in February already as I'm so popular!! I'm booked for NYE where I'm getting double pay. I charge between £7 and £8.50 per hour, but often get given extra. I'm quite lucky as I'm in a reasonably well off town in the South East; most of the kids I look after go to private schools.

I think it helps that I have a DBS check and am first aid trained, although only one family has asked to see proof of that.

I advise people to ask their local Scouting/Guiding groups if they have any Young Leaders who are looking for babysitting work. It's a great way to find a responsible teenager. I often recommend my Young Leader at Brownies to people if I'm not available for a job.

[sleepyhead]

Too expensive unfortunately. We can barely afford 2 cinema tickets or a couple of drink in the local pub for us. We certainly can't afford it if we pay the going rate for a babysitter which would double the cost or more.

All the parents of dc's friends have family living locally or are separated and amicably co-parenting so don't need us to babysit, therefore exchanging sitting doesn't work.

[SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad]

Glad to hear that babysitting groups are still going in some places. When my DC were small, I was a member of one, we had 18 members - all our children went to the same school - and worked on the token system. As a pp said, it was a token for every half an hour of sitting, and double after midnight, and you could only use the tokens as payment - so you had to do your share of sitting if you wanted to go out.
The only times that it ever caused difficulties were on the evenings that school events took place - parents evenings were 'paired' with half the group making early appointments and then dashing back to sit for the other half . For events such as the Nativity play, anyone who could use family/friends did so - meaning that those with no support network could usually manage to make one of the performances.
I was a member of the group for 14 years, and we went out quite a lot - but I never had to pay, and we (and more importantly, our DC) knew the people who were looking after them. It was a brilliant system, so I'm glad to hear that it's still going...

[Phineyj]

We have helpful friends and family and can afford 'Sitters' but I don't like wasting favours on discretionary stuff like going out when we can use their help for emergencies, stuff much easier to do without a 2 year old in tow etc. Also if you use childcare all week it seems a bit naughty to use it at the weekend as well...

[Titsalinabumsquash]

I'd love too! I advertised on childcare websites and locally but no one applied, same with handy person, carpenter you cannot pay people to work these days around here apparently.

[willconcern]

I use a friend's daughter. Before that I used a girl I found NY advertising for someone on Gumtree - she lived round the corner, little brother went to same school as DCs, met her & her mum before she sat. £5 an hour.

When I was a single parent I would never have gone anywhere ever if I hadn't been willing to use a sitter.

[StopShoutingAtYourBrother]

I do! But 5 weeks is (I feel) too young to leave with a baby sitter, plus most baby sitters are free in evenings or weekends. Rare they're free during the daytime as they're at school / uni

[BessieBlount]

We have no family at all. We moved away from NCT friends years ago (and again and again) I barely know my next door neighbour on one side and not at all on the other. There are only 3 or 4 other children on our street. I don't know them either but I know one family has their parents living there too so they would have no need for reciprocal

[Imissmy0ldusername]

I babysit for friends (don't have DC myself), not for cash, but on the understanding that if my usual catsitters can't manage to catsit, then they feed the cats. I guess the thing is that we've all lived in the same area since the year dot.

[Playnicelyforfiveminutes]

I have never left mine in nursery or with anyone else. I never planned in using institutions, but would've been up for a sitter who was shared as part of a circle, its just that one never materialised

[Kaytee1987]

I dont think I would leave a 5 week old with my own mum let alone anyone else. 5 weeks is still tiny and needs it's parents. I wouldn't mind a family member or close friend I knew was capable baby sitting an older child but not a stranger or neighbour.

[BessieBlount]

Sorry,
Reciprocal sitting. I do not know any teenagers and knowing how I was as a 17yr old, I wouldn't want one looking after my children. I don't use daycare so no nursery nurses to call in either. No friends who don't work. I don't know any elderly women either.
As I said in the other thread, my eldest is 12yrs old and we have maybe been out together 3 times in that 12yrs.

[NinjaLeprechaun]

"You're also in America, where so many parents are forced to leave even tiny infants with any random stranger they can afford out of desperation because of Dickensian lack of employment rights and benefits such as paid maternity or paternity leave."
And where teenagers can take babysitting classes - locally they're offered by the hospital's Community Outreach - where, among other things, they're certified in infant/child CPR. Which is probably more than most grandparents can offer.

Although I'm fairly sure that when discussing babysitters, despite the name, we're not talking strictly about babies.

[chrome100]

I don't get this either.

When I was a kid my parents were in a babysitting circle where people babysat for each other. And nowadays there's always plenty of places to find babysitters online.

[Owllady]

I don't like asking other people and we have no family close. I have a couple of friends who will help out if needed but i save it for emergencies.

we have a paid sitter twice a month so we can go out but our dd has epilepsy so we need someone trained in epilepsy care/rescue meds etc

[BessieBlount]

I think it depends where you live. We have moved frequently including in and out the country. I don't think we've ever lived in an area where it's full of people who grew up in the area.

[Whenwillwe3meetagain]

My NCT group babysit for each other and I had one of the nursery nurses babysit for us at the weekend. Doubt I'd use a teenager.

[Kaytee1987]

I can't believe some people's families or friends would charge to babysit!

[BessieBlount]

Chrome, online doesn't work with a constantly BF newborn. Nor would it work with my toddler who, due to having zero family, is only used to DH and I and therefore would be hysterical if left with someone she didn't know. She still wakes frequently so would never go back down for a stranger.

[BessieBlount]

Also, even if there was a babysitting service, when would I return the favour? DH is rarely home in the week and spends 10days a month in the U.S. So that's 2 weekends gone.

[Heatherplant]

I believe a change in the law resulted in certain restrictions on people minding children when they are not related (happy to stand corrected if I'm wrong). Either way I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my child with someone who wasn't CRB checked and I certainly wouldn't have been parted from my 5 week old baby. I'm also a complete dragon so it would have been a brave individual who kicked me out of the nativity.

[MaidOfStars]

I'd happily babysit for someone for a few hours. I am 39, sensible scientist, no children but bloody good with others, can feed/cook/do phonics. Wouldn't even charge! Sometimes I see parents really wanting a couple of drinks at the pub together but nobody to watch children; I'd help

My friends never ask because when they need a babysitter, it's to go out with me/husband.

[BikeRunSki]

I didn't really gel with my NCT group
The only nursery nurse that would babysit, left!

[diplodocus]

We use several teenage (16 / 17 years) babysitters recommended by friends (small village). It's a really positive experience for all concerned. The kids (8 and 10) love them and really look up to them and the babysitters seem to really enjoy it. They're very responsible I'd trust them more than many members of my own family. if we're going to be a long way away we ask a neighbour to be "back up" with a car just in case anything should happen.