To wonder why people don't use baby sitters any more?

[LeaLeander]

This is a spin-off of the "kicked out of nativity thread" in which I noticed many people saying they could not attend events unless permitted to take along all of their children. I've seen other discussions (not just here but in real life as well) where people decline wedding invitations, skip funerals, never do anything alone with their spouse, etc. "because we don't have grandparents nearby to watch the kids."

Whatever happened to babysitters? The neighborhood teens, the college students hoping to make money, the moonlighting daycare worker, the elderly lady eking out a pension? Is the reason parents don't use sitters because no one is interested in doing the job for pay?

Even so, what about friends and neighbors, if you don't have relatives nearby? I've watched children, including very young children, for people I know but who aren't close friends, so that they could attend other children's events, or attend to other matters. I'm childfree so it's not as though family life with young children is second nature to me, and yet I can cope and parents seem to have thought so numerous times over the years. "Hi, can you watch Connor for about 90 minutes on Thursday so we can go to Madison's school play?" Sure. Go over, play with kid, or if it's asleep watch TV or read. Or parents drop off child at my house. What's the problem? Do people not have helpful friends, neighbors and co-workers any longer?

The baby in the nativity thread was 5 weeks; I have in the past minded children of friends and relatives as young as that, so the parents could go to a doctor's appointment or meal out. I've watched kids while their parents went to weddings and on several occasions, still in my teens, minded my cousins twin girls both in infancy and toddlerhood. We all survived to tell the tale.

Just really curious and perplexed as to why occasional child care seems to be out of the reach of so many people, to the point of creating situations like that at the nativity.

[midnightsunshine]

I wouldn't dream of leaving my 3-month-old with a teenager, student or neighbour. Maybe I'm being PFB but I hate the thought of leaving him with anyone apart from DH. He just seems far too young to be away from his mum. And he often cries for hours with colic, so I wouldn't want babysitter struggling to soothe him. None of my friends or NCT group left their babies with anyone other than g-parents until they were toddlers.
I would worry all the time about accidents or the babysitter not being careful or trustworthy or not knowing first-aid in an emergency.

Also I'm BF so would need to provide expressed milk. How would a student/elderly neighbour/teenager know how to heat milk to right temp, how to burp baby properly etc and how would you trust them to do it right?

I thought it was the norm not to leave a baby under the age of 12months with a babysitter?

[Higge]

We used a local teen - she asked if she could take her boyfriend and we said no, then we found a young man's t shirt in our spare bed! Not nice!

[CottonSock]

I use babysitters. Both girls known to me by association or live nearby. I wouldn't at 5 weeks old though. There would be no way I could relax. I left my DD for the first time at about 5 months (except for with dh). That was with my best friend who has a baby. I don't think you I would leave an awake small baby with someone without experience or training.

[miaowmix]

babysitters are alive and kicking where I live in London, my friends and I regularly use them (at least once a week).

A mixture of students, a few late teens (friends' kids doing A levels desperate for some extra ££), in fact they are so in demand that 2 of my friends are unable to get sitters for his Thursday evening - we're all going to the same party. At £5 or £6 per hour they don't break the bank. Admittedly I don't know anyone with an actual baby any more, these are all kids aged 3+.

[Savagebeauty]

Always left ours with teenagers.. Usually daughters of someone in the road.
Dd used to babysit for £6 an hour.....£10 after midnight
And she once got paid £150 for New years eve

[iMatter]

We use babysitters a lot. No family around (they are hundreds of miles away).

We use a) our old nanny; b) her sister; c) a friend's 20 year old daughter; d) one of the TAs from school.

Otherwise we would never go out anywhere.

[toastedbeagle]

I have to use a babysitter if I want to go to my book club on a Tuesday morning. She charges £12.50/ hr so it costs me £25 before I even get there. My parents can do it, but can't get here by 9:30am unless they come the day before so I can either pay up or lose 2 days of my free time as my parents want to stay the day after as well "to make the journey worth it".

[toastedbeagle]

I'd love someone to charge £6 an hour, even my brother in law charges £10/ hr.

[miaowmix]

I pay much more for a childminder during the day - this is literally for when kids are in bed asleep. And some of the sitters are 15 year old. Boys too!

[PushAPushPop]

I wouldn't leave my 2 yo ds with a babysitter because I know exactly what I used to do as a neighbourhood babysitter (aged about 13-15)

Sneaky drinking, friends/ boys round, the kids running riot... Not saying all teens are as sly feral as I was but it certainly would put me off.

Besides, my daughter is 17 so I've got one ready made anyway

[Noodledoodledoo]

Out of my group of NCT couples I think most of us had left babies for various events with others before they were toddlers. Doesn't make it the norm but I know very few of my mum friends who didn't go out till babies were 12 months. All were BF until at least 6 months as well - it was just worked around. Although do think I am the only one to use non family members but the rest have local family.

I do have a fab family friend who has even done bed/bathtime as well so we could go to a concert. Shame she lives too far away for odd nights!

[Krampus]

I didn't know any local teenagers well enough to ask, or know I could trust, when mine were little. The houses in the streets around me change hands very regularly its a very transient town. I know lots of teens now but thats because I have a teen, he doesn't need babysitting.

Agree with the above poster that using even cheap babysitters these days could double the cost of a night out, so people are more likely to use them for special events. Someone got grotty with with a couple of years ago because I didn't arange a babysitter for a wedding and chose not to go when they had given me a years notice. Not at my husband because of course it was assumed that child issues are mine to sort out. It was a child free wedding, it would have been a full days childcare needed until 11pm. Quite frankly I couldn't be arsed paying over a £100 in childcare for the pleasure.

I don't know if there are that many babysitters around who would be available mid morning or afternoon for a school play.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

I know nobody where I am, literally nobody.

I can't leave my dc with anyone I don't know very well due to the reasons we moved, also due to my dd having ADHD and anxiety.

I can't even work outwith the home.

[SnozzberryMincePie]

I am lucky enough to have family and friends close by and can always find someone to watch dd. My next door neighbour has looked after her a few times. I couldn't leave her till she was about 7 months old though as she was breastfed and wouldn't have a bottle.

I would probably leave her with a responsible teenager I knew well, but I don't really know any, my friends' children are all quite little too. I wouldn't want to leave her with a stranger of any age.

[LumelaMme]

I live in a small town and we never had much problem finding baby sitters via word of mouth, or the older DC of friends/neighbours (often the same thing).

Now my younger DDs are old enough to babysit. The 16 yr old can cope with 4 children from teatime to their (latish) bedtime, and babysits for them every month or so; she found that job by word of mouth. She also babysits for the DC of a woman I babysat when I was a teenager myself, some former neighbours, and a relative of the woman I babysat...

[Ragwort]

Where on earth do you live toasted? I'd be more than happy to babysit for £5 an hour as a very mature babysitter but where I live now people tend to use family.

As a SAHM I often used to care 'free' for friends' children in the day time - it's called being a good friend .

[Philoslothy]

We use baby sitters of various types.

i have used sensible teenagers if the children are in bed and the older children are out themselves.

When I was working we had a "mother's help" ( a phrase I hate) who did breakfast and school runs. Sometimes she would provide daytime or weekend childcare.

DSS's mother has occasionally stayed the weekend or longer so DH and I can go away.

Our village also has a "favour" circle which includes babysitting. For example I give riding lessons to a child in the village for free, her mother watches my youngest in return once a week so I can have some time to myself.

I have been told on MN that I palm (sp?) my children off too often.

[BikeRunSki]

Next door's teens grew up and moved away when DS was 2.
Two good friends are single mums.
Another works shifts, and another's DP works shifts.
No relatives within 200 miles
I am nurturing the 13 year old next door but one the other way!

[aurorie11]

We've started using next doors 16yr old girl to babysit 5 year old DD. Generally for a couple of hours when me of DH has a work commitment and the other needs to take eldest to sports activity. DD LOVES it, she thinks of the babysitter as her older friend and they spend a couple of hours doing drawing and DD is always asking when babysitter is coming round to play. Costs £5 a hour. Wouldn't ask babysitter to have both DC as eldest won't sleep, but that's another story!

[notquitehuman]

I will probably use them when DS is a bit older. Maybe when he gets to primary school age and can communicate a bit better. However, he's a bit of a headstrong 3 year old at the moment, and I'm not sure a teenage babysitter would be able to cope if he woke up and had a meltdown. There are professional babysitters in the area who have qualifications etc, but they're quite expensive per hour, and we're on a tight budget!

[SaucyJack]

Because real life is not like Albert Square, and most pensioners/teenagers do not sit about the house waiting to be asked to babysit random kids from down the road for no or next to no money.

[Anomaly]

We haven't so far used anyone other than family .I've three aged 8 to 3. I would use one of the nursery nurses but that would be very expensive. I wouldn't actually trust my eldest with a teen even if I could find one. He can be very difficult at actually going to bed so I can imagine it being a struggle for them.

I wouldn't feel comfortable asking friends unless desperate because my lot are a handful and most of my mates just have 1 or 2 well behaved children.

I only know one or two families who regularly use a babysitter and the rest either have family locally or don't go out as a couple that much.

[citybushisland]

It's funny when I was a teenager I was babysitting at least 2 nights a week from age 14 to 19, I've got 2 teens (14 and 17) who are far more sensible than I was, are 10 and 7 years older than their youngest sibling so have been looking after children for 7 years and yet can't get babysitting gigs at all. People won't pay £15 for an evenings babysitting up here, down in the south they were very in demand.

[ghostspirit]

my eldest is 18 now and i was really hoping she would baby sit earn a bit of baby sitting money and i can go out. but shes not mature enough to look after them. my 13 year old son could. but thats wrong so i would not do it. teenagers in general i would not feel comfortable with them baby sitting. then i dont really know any. i would not use a baby sitting type agency.

[RictusGrimace]

I babysit for a good friend's dc and she sits for mine. I have about 3 friends with whom I have this arrangement .

I also use moonlighting nursery staff who we pay and sometimes my mum if it's for longer.