To wonder why people don't use baby sitters any more?

[LeaLeander]

This is a spin-off of the "kicked out of nativity thread" in which I noticed many people saying they could not attend events unless permitted to take along all of their children. I've seen other discussions (not just here but in real life as well) where people decline wedding invitations, skip funerals, never do anything alone with their spouse, etc. "because we don't have grandparents nearby to watch the kids."

Whatever happened to babysitters? The neighborhood teens, the college students hoping to make money, the moonlighting daycare worker, the elderly lady eking out a pension? Is the reason parents don't use sitters because no one is interested in doing the job for pay?

Even so, what about friends and neighbors, if you don't have relatives nearby? I've watched children, including very young children, for people I know but who aren't close friends, so that they could attend other children's events, or attend to other matters. I'm childfree so it's not as though family life with young children is second nature to me, and yet I can cope and parents seem to have thought so numerous times over the years. "Hi, can you watch Connor for about 90 minutes on Thursday so we can go to Madison's school play?" Sure. Go over, play with kid, or if it's asleep watch TV or read. Or parents drop off child at my house. What's the problem? Do people not have helpful friends, neighbors and co-workers any longer?

The baby in the nativity thread was 5 weeks; I have in the past minded children of friends and relatives as young as that, so the parents could go to a doctor's appointment or meal out. I've watched kids while their parents went to weddings and on several occasions, still in my teens, minded my cousins twin girls both in infancy and toddlerhood. We all survived to tell the tale.

Just really curious and perplexed as to why occasional child care seems to be out of the reach of so many people, to the point of creating situations like that at the nativity.

I leave my dd with my mum, no one else. I don't trust anyone else with her. She is too precious. My mum raised me, she is kind and warm and loving, I know that for a fact. I don't know that about anyone else 100%. Obviously dp also cares for her, but that's not babysitting, it's parenting. I will never trust a random babysitter with my dd.

And I wouldn't know any elderly women here. How would I? But I know of several in the village in which I grew up.

I think we have lost a lot all moving around.

2 of my children have special needs so i cannot leave them with teenage babysitters for that reason - i left them with relatives once and was asked to never ask again. i dont know any older ladies looking for babysitting work....

for my lo i pay £5 per hour for a teenage babysitter but only leave for 2 hours as think she'd miss me for longer than that.....obviously no good for school plays etc as teenage babysitter in school, but good on the weekend afternoon if i need to do something specific with my older dc.

i can't leave any of them in the evening as sometimes LO is up and down up for a few hours before settling into bed, and don't think a teenager could cope with that.

when my nieces and nephews were little I was the babysitter - no problems, no £ involved.....that was 20 years ago - gosh my sister/brother had it easy! and no they never return the favour now!

Where do I find these people?

I remember a thread about someone defending their very working class estate, people had kids young and Mums tended to not work, lots of men in trades and boys either follow dads trade or dad knows someone in a different trade if not. It sounded an amazing community. Always people around to help out and babysit and friends etc developed over many years or being at school together. Mum over the road,sister round the corned, aunt round the other corned type thing.

I've moved a lot and don't have a close network. I kind of envy it. I feel quite isolated at times. Whrfe do you find a random teen and would you really tryst them if you had no connection to the family?

We use a babysitter but they are not so easy to come by.
We live in a village, there are only 3 houses on our very long lane that have residents under 50. The only children are under 10 so no teenagers, the retirees seem to have a more active social life than we do, the others work in demanding jobs.
We did have 2 babysitters but one has gone off to college so is only available in holidays, the other works in the day so can only do evenings. We do swap with other parents occassionally but it rarely works out as we often want to go to the same events.
The village is full of small kids but less teenagers. No nursery nurses or childminders in the village.
Somebody who would be suitible to look after a small baby would reduce the pool even further.

I use teenage babysitters regularly, I have about 3 or 4 who I can call on who are sons/daughters of some of my friends, costs me £5 per hour. I will only use teenagers if either myself or my husband are staying within our town so max 5/10 minutes away. Anything further we ask family or adults. I've then recommended them to friends. I live in a fairly small town though and I'm very involved in our local am-dram society hence knowing people of all ages, who are keen for their teens to earn some extra cash.

Firstly, most people aren't comfortable leaving their child with a stranger/random teenager. I've dabbled with the idea of using sitters.com but would rather not go out.

Secondly, our nursery workers babysit occasionally but charge £10/hour. So it gets expensive... And unavailable during work hours.

Best option is other 'mum friends' or NCT crowd. We do it on a reciprocal basis. Works very well.

We tend to use our own grown up children if we need a sitter for our 8yo. We did once use a friend of a friend's teens and that worked well, but the issue comes up so infrequently that we couldn't have a regular babysitter on hold.

I can't join a babysitting circle because DH works nights and I'd never be able to reciprocate.

I have a neighbour's DD five evenings a week so she can go out to work: makes sure I leave work at a reasonable time (otherwise I do 15 hour days, which is as long as the building is open for) and means she can go to work. I didn't know her well before, and we're friends as such (perfectly pleasant woman, I just don't really know her on a personal level) but don't people step in to help each other out nowadays?

future that's the sort of place I'm from, it really was fab to grow up in a place like that.

It does take time to get to know people and build a network. My DS invited a child for a Halloween party, mum works full time and I'd never met her, so I wouldn't even recognise her if I saw her. I didn't even gave her phone number. It transpires she is new also here, it's clearly difficult for her to build up networks.

I wouldn't leave DS with someone I didn't know very well.

because none of their friends have kids the right age to babysit?

My own parents only used girls from families they knew, no-one would have employed a complete stranger.

Nope, very few friendly people willing to look after other people's children. People who have relatives nearby tend to use those relatives for babysitting which means we can't enter into reciprocal arrangements with them. I used to swap babysitting with a neighbour, but they aren't available any more.

And paid babysitters are available, but pretty much double the cost of a night out, so are only for very, very special occasions.

I use two late teen babysitters - one is a primary teaching student I found on gumtree (so has a CRB through the uni) and the other is the older sister of a child at my son's school, who is at college doing a childcare course. I pay both £5 an hour if they are just watching TV in the evening while the kids are asleep, £7 for any daytime/awake childcare.

I will go and read the replies as I'm curious too. My husband and I have our 12 year anniversary on the 22nd. We have been out separately but never together without children ;we have 3. He also missed the 2nd and 3rd children being born cos he was babysitting so i had to stay I. Hospital alone :( iWe just don't have anyone to leave them with.

I don't have an issue with them being "strangers". Once you meet a babysitter, take a reference, check their details etc they aren't a stranger any more. Just like their childminder was a stranger before we started using her.

Back in Ye Olden Days we had babysitting circles, which were vital to our existence! It's crossed my mind that I never hear of them these days - do they still exist?

(There were 15-20 families in ours, we knew each other from Mother & Toddler groups or school, and no money changed hands as we exchanged tokens according to how long the babysitting session lasted. We had monthly coffee mornings - mostly SAHMs - and I remember being glad that I was listed as "willing to sit late" because not everyone was and payment after midnight was paid at time and a half!!)

I'm generally fairly laid back but there is absolutely no way I would leave a 5 week old baby with a teenager!

I've always used teenagers or retirees to mind mine, my children have a lovely relationship with them now, the lady who babysat for us frequently when small also did waiting in for tradesmen/ sit with them if off sick from school. We now take her shopping weekly as she does not drive anymore. It's called being part of a community , we knew no one when we moved here 20 years ago now my teens sit fir the girl who helped me with them as newborns .this PFB stuff is a nonsense ask at he after school club or church or scouts if you want a crb check teen , get to know them then trust your instincts and go our!

Don't trust people I don't know. Other than sister or sister in law i wouldn't do it. If something happened I would never forgive myself

You have a real bee in your bonnet about this. You're also in America, where so many parents are forced to leave even tiny infants with any random stranger they can afford out of desperation because of Dickensian lack of employment rights and benefits such as paid maternity or paternity leave.

Sitters are not as readily available here, they cost £££ and people would consider a 5-week-old baby far too little to be left with one.

We have used teenagers a few times to look after our little one. Normally she is asleep and it is very rare for her to wake up once she has gone down for the night.

Nearest family is 60 miles/ 1hr 1/2 away so not useful for short nights out.

I am lucky in that I volunteer with a youth organisation so know a lot of teenagers through that and have got to know them over a long time.

I only moved to the area we live in 2 years ago so know my NCT mums, other mums I have met in the past year and not many other people - I moved 45 mins away from where I used to live so lost my local contacts as well.

It is expensive but a price we are prepared to pay if we want some time out alone.

I find this really weird too - particularly because many of the people saying this are happy to use childcare during the working day, e.g. childminders/nursery, it's just somehow during the evening when it becomes "I don't have family to babysit so I can't go out."

IRL, most of my friends use sitters.co.uk