To wonder why people don't use baby sitters any more?

[LeaLeander]

This is a spin-off of the "kicked out of nativity thread" in which I noticed many people saying they could not attend events unless permitted to take along all of their children. I've seen other discussions (not just here but in real life as well) where people decline wedding invitations, skip funerals, never do anything alone with their spouse, etc. "because we don't have grandparents nearby to watch the kids."

Whatever happened to babysitters? The neighborhood teens, the college students hoping to make money, the moonlighting daycare worker, the elderly lady eking out a pension? Is the reason parents don't use sitters because no one is interested in doing the job for pay?

Even so, what about friends and neighbors, if you don't have relatives nearby? I've watched children, including very young children, for people I know but who aren't close friends, so that they could attend other children's events, or attend to other matters. I'm childfree so it's not as though family life with young children is second nature to me, and yet I can cope and parents seem to have thought so numerous times over the years. "Hi, can you watch Connor for about 90 minutes on Thursday so we can go to Madison's school play?" Sure. Go over, play with kid, or if it's asleep watch TV or read. Or parents drop off child at my house. What's the problem? Do people not have helpful friends, neighbors and co-workers any longer?

The baby in the nativity thread was 5 weeks; I have in the past minded children of friends and relatives as young as that, so the parents could go to a doctor's appointment or meal out. I've watched kids while their parents went to weddings and on several occasions, still in my teens, minded my cousins twin girls both in infancy and toddlerhood. We all survived to tell the tale.

Just really curious and perplexed as to why occasional child care seems to be out of the reach of so many people, to the point of creating situations like that at the nativity.

[BessieBlount]

Ipsos, Google the Beaumont children. That case had a dramatic effect on parents attitude worldwide.

[Katarzyna79]

in last city i lived in there was a really nice parent she went out of her way to speak to me, and she even offered to take my kids in if i went into labour. i would have trusted her. i don't know any mums here since husband does all the pick ups and drop offs at school.

The teachers were good too they offered to babysit also, i would have taken that offer up right now!

I may have to rely on husbands side (grudgingly), since my midwife has insisted i try and go since its the 2nd scan and more important.

Bessie i think i might have to leave my husband with the kids too for the first time. I told him you can drop me off we'll take little two in car then you go back home to care for kids and elders, that's my plan anyway. I'm not scared of being alone for the birth,i hope theres a student midwife theyre a god send, at least they stay the entire labour don't go in and out due to being too busy.

[Quodlibet]

We have a babysitting circle with my NCT group. We used to use tokens but it was a faff and no one was abusing the system, so now we just do it out of good will. There's a babysitting whatsapp group and you just put a shout out, and if someone is free they'll volunteer. It works pretty well for the odd night out, and sometimes daytimes too.

[BlessedandCursedandWon]

Finding babysitters can be really hard. We currently have a fab teenager who is doing childcare at college. Before her we tried 3 others, all of whom cancelled at the last minute. We don't live near family so can't ask them, although they have no interest in babysitting anyway. Most of my friends have local family and therefore don't need babysitters which means that I feel that it's a bit cheeky for me to ask. We once needed a babysitter during working hours and had to pay over £80 for three hours. I don't really know my neighbours. My new strategy is to talk to our local college about students on their childcare courses.

[Topseyt]

I guess I am fairly insular.

I don't live anywhere near family. I did make some pretty good friends when my kids were very young and we did do each other the odd favour for childcare, but no regular arrangements.

My DD1 was CRB checked from about the age of 16 because it was required by her Saturday morning job.

That became known by a couple of families along our street who have paid her to babysit their kids sometimes. Not tiny babies though.

[trinitybleu]

Finding a local teenage sitter does not require you to be a SAHM. I work full time, over 35 miles away. You pick up contacts through groups, clubs, school, friends. One friend uses the teens of her kids teachers. Look out for the teen helpers at ballet, football, Cubs - they often have the added advantage of being DBS checked too, if that reassures you (means nothing to my mind).

[elfycat]

We used a friend's son to babysit DDs. I often got a BOGOF deal with his art-student girlfriend artistic Y1 homework He's gone to uni now which is quite inconvenient...

I'm sussing out a young lady who works in the local coffee shop, is friend to someone I trust, and has babysat for another friend.

I have a friend that I can dump-and-run on in emergencies, as she can with me. We save each other for special occasions like A&E runs and emergency appointments and NaNoWriMo in my case

[eastwest]

We just don't know anyone well enough who has children who want to do it and are the right age/ available. Because we both work in quite isolated jobs, from home often, and lived abroad until fairly recently it is not that easy to get to know people either. Plus the people you do get to know tend to need babysitters too as have kids the same age as yours!
Basically people move much more, so real life (rather than social media) networks are harder to make and find.

[eastwest]

We just don't know anyone well enough who has children who want to do it and are the right age/ available. Because we both work in quite isolated jobs, from home often, and lived abroad until fairly recently it is not that easy to get to know people either. Plus the people you do get to know tend to need babysitters too as have kids the same age as yours!
Basically people move much more, so real life (rather than social media) networks are harder to make and find.

[PurpleGreenAvocado]

My Ds babysits for children who are friends of his younger sister, I know the parents through her drama club. He's a trained lifeguard so is in demand. He gets €25 for a night, it's suits him as he's paid for doing college work as the children are usually already asleep or in bed when he starts.

[Tigresswoods]

Well...... when DS was at nursery the assistants all mentioned they'd do babysitting. Brilliant! And we used them a few times. However at £10ph (!!!!!) that's a lot of money on top of a night out.

We've started using friends who have similarly aged children. That works well BUT people have busy lives so it's not always possible. Many of my friends work & have more than one child. Do they want to spend their valuable time off looking after another child? I'm happy to reciprocate BUT they have local parents so send their kids there. That leaves me feeling like I'm taking advantage.

It's a minefield!

[cruikshank]

trinitybleu that's what I've found too - I also work and have always been able to source babysitters. I do put it out there that I want them though - you never know where the tip-off for the next likely babysitter is going to be.

Katarzyna - can you not get your OH to look after the kids while you have your scans? Surely it would only amount to two days' worth of annual leave at most?

[diplodocus]

Purple - do they socialise alone? You build relationships in very different ways if you are with your parents / family than if you are by yourself.My children socialise widely and independently in a range of environments outside school and I think this is incredibly important. Teenage babysitters are a way of one-to-one time with an older age group they would rarely have in another setting (although in reality we only use them about once every three months!).

[Boosiehs]

Jeebus. Usually DH or I take it in turns to go out.

Whwn we want to go out together we use sitters.co.uk and have done since DS was 1. Parents live an hour away so can come to stay but I don't like to impose on them. Only once in a blue moon if DH and I wanted to go away overnight.

I really don't get the issue people have with sitters. They are all nursery nurses or teachers or nannies. And all are DBS. Also less than 8 quid an hour in the evenings!

DS has been left with about 5-6 different sitters and we have never had a problem. We do have favourites who we try and get, and that works well.

I also can't understand someone who doesn't want to have an adult night out once in a while.

[elliejjtiny]

I think we've become more cautious/safety conscious over the years. I did babysitting as a teenager but I wouldn't risk leaving my boys with someone that young/inexperienced. Plus DS4 has complex medical needs so we only ever leave him with MIL and even then for a very short time or if it's unavoidable (she had him for a few hours while I had DS5).

[JasperDamerel]

I like having an adult night out, but my budget doesn't really allow for the luxury of a night out that costs £30 just to leave the house.

[Kryptonite]

I don't like to leave my children with just anyone. Maybe that makes me over anxious or just normal, I don't know.
I couldn't leave them with a teenager I barely knew. Neighbours, don't know well enough. Grandparents, yes.
If grandparents couldn't babysit for any reason, we'd have to give the occasion a miss or go on separate nights out.
I used to be a teenage babysitter. The difference there though is that I used to live directly opposite with parents and so the child's mum knew our family and knew I was sensible, boring and the most I would get up to was eat all the biscuits.

[Kryptonite]

I really don't get the issue people have with sitters. They are all nursery nurses or teachers or nannies. And all are DBS. Also less than 8 quid an hour in the evenings!

This is just my opinion. Appreciate others may feel differently. With me it's bringing people your children have never met into the house to look after them for the night.
Surely that'd be confusing for them? Are they asleep when you go out? So if they wake up wanting a drink/toilet when you're gone have they been introduced to the person who will be looking after them until you get back?
Or will they wake up and be confronted with a stranger?
Only asking as I had this as a teenage babysitter. Looked after neighbour's small child, but woke up with earache and crying.
She was fast asleep when I arrived, and had never met said child properly.
Looking back as a parent, she'll have been wondering who the heck I was and where her mum and dad had gone.
I can't do it.
All situations are different though.

[Headofthehive55]

Peoples lives have changed too. Couples don't just go to the pub anymore( pubs are closing) and with video, streaming films, perhaps there is less demand?

We are quite insular and have no couple friends which suits us really.

[goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal]

There isn't really - I think people just have a strong preference now to leave their children with family, friends or not at all.

That's understandable and totally fine - the only problem I have with it is when people then use this preference as some kind of indisputable fact - i.e. I have no friends or family to look after Julian and therefore he must come with me because there exist no alternatives in this world.

It annoys me when people don't want to use a child minder, but also insist on attending whatever event it is with child in tow. You can't have your cake and eat it too. It's totally fine and understandable if you don't want to take "a risk" with your child, but then you accept the consequences of that.

[KERALA1]

We loved having teenage babysitters as kids! I did loads of babysitting myself as my mum the local primary school teacher.

We also use local teenagers, find one reliable girl and she gets her friends if she can't do it. We pay £6 per hour and dh walks them home as all live locally. They are children of dds teachers or our friends nieces. Only issue is they go off to university and we have to find more. Reading this thread makes me seem a very reckless parent!

[Boosiehs]

The sitter always arrived when DS is awake. We give him dinner together, they play some games then we leave. Sitter continues to play games then puts DS to bed.

They have it easier with bedtime than we do!

[AlbusPercival]

People also want qualifications, which is fine, but makes a difference.

I am not far off 30, married, good job (non childcare based), and run a brownie unit. I advertised as a babysitter in my local area to make a little bit of pocket money for a holiday.

Not a single taker, all wanted nannies

[PurpleGreenAvocado]

diplodocus yes, they socialise without us - cubs, scouts etc, sports events. We also do social things together but DH and I don't go to social events without the DCs.