Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

This man- what happens?

167 replies

CreepingDogFart · 15/12/2015 23:04

This is hypothetical:

You're single.
You meet a lovely charming man.
He is kind to you, attractive to you and a real gent.
No one has been so kind.
He helps you when you need it.
He gets on with your friends.
He treats you.
The conversation is stimulating.
He defends you.
He is a nice person to you and you feel special.
You spend time together and over time are in a relationship.
You find out off someone else that he is racist.
You've seen no evidence of this before and no conversations have led down this road.
You investigate either by speaking directly to him or by other means and discover that not only is he racist but he is high profile in a racist organisation.
You discover he has committed violent racist acts and treats others of a different race in complete contrast to the way he treats you and makes you feel.

You love him.
He is racist.
What would you do?

Please note that I have not referenced any specific race here.

OP posts:

UterusUterusGhali · 15/12/2015 23:06

Run for the hills.

Oysterbabe · 15/12/2015 23:07

I would 100% walk away and never look back.

JeanSeberg · 15/12/2015 23:08

Why/how is it hypothetical?

tinkerbellvspredator · 15/12/2015 23:08

LTB

JoyceDivision · 15/12/2015 23:08

You leave him well alone.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But why would you want to be with someone who genuinely and actively stands against and hates people due to their race?

Do you have dcs? Would you long term want dcs? What if you have / had dcs and their best friend at school was of the race this man didn't like? Would he magically change his views?

whatdoIget · 15/12/2015 23:09

I would cut off contact. I wouldn't love him anymore. He wouldn't be who I thought he was

AnyFucker · 15/12/2015 23:09

I would convert to racism and live happily ever after with him

LineyReborn · 15/12/2015 23:10

I think the trouble with racists is that they have an ability, to put it crassly, of 'othering' people, when and how it suits them.

And I think that a man or woman who can do this to another group or person can eventually choose to do it to someone they profess to 'love' when it suits them, because they've trained themselves to think in boxes.

AgentProvocateur · 15/12/2015 23:10

LTB

AmusingSpoonerism · 15/12/2015 23:10

Run fast and far.

LineyReborn · 15/12/2015 23:11

(Obviously the trouble with racists is that they're racists.)

WorraLiberty · 15/12/2015 23:11

Errm not only is he racist but he's a fucking violent racist.

You know the answer here.

Run for the hills and don't look back.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 15/12/2015 23:12

I would end it. The same as I would if I found out he was a criminal or a paedophile or a drug addict or a pathological liar or someone who was cruel to animals.

It's not something you can get past, is it?

Sallyingforth · 15/12/2015 23:13

You spend time together and over time are in a relationship.

Sorry but I can't imagine that you could get as far as this without realising there is something odd about him.
In my experience racists just aren't that nice to be with.

WorraLiberty · 15/12/2015 23:14

I think possibly your problem lies with number 4 on that list

No one has been so kind.

Widen your circle of friends and broaden your horizons.

Believe me, there are plenty of people out there who are kinder than violent, racist thugs...

BitchPeas · 15/12/2015 23:14

I agree with AF.

JoyceDivision · 15/12/2015 23:15

I would convert to racism

AnyFucker, Iwonder if there is a special ceremony for that and if you get a certificate?Or a candle? Or summat?

AnyFucker · 15/12/2015 23:17

When you convert to racism you have one of your frontal lobes removed in a special ceremony.

And have a penis attached to your forehead

It's a very moving occasion.

whois · 15/12/2015 23:18

Yup. That's a bit of a deal breaker yeah? It's not even passive racist views - he's out and out acted on them in a violent way

whois · 15/12/2015 23:20

In my experience racists just aren't that nice to be with.

I'm not sure I agree with that. Think about other kinds of 'bad' people - wife beaters, child abusers etc. Most of them can operate in normal society and hide their true nature for a long time from a lot of people.

AnyFucker · 15/12/2015 23:20

Are you going to tell us what strand of xenophobia he enjoys ?

LaurieFairyCake · 15/12/2015 23:20

Ooh violent racist

How sexy

And what a great role model and future father

Not

buckingfrolicks · 15/12/2015 23:20

I'd leave. He's a nasty man underneath the veneer as doubtless you'll find out if you stay with him

BlueJug · 15/12/2015 23:24

The "racism" is a difficult thing to comment on - everyone has different definitions of it. You said you had not mentioned any specific race on purpose.

A white man who was a member of Britain First would be considered differently by many people than an anti-white Muslim or an anti-Muslim black guy. Some people shout "racist" if someone makes an inappropriate joke others think it is fine to exclude one or other race from meetings, clubs, buildings, schools, jobs etc and that that is not racist.

I would look at the "racism" and make my own decision. From what you have posted though this man does not sound like someone I would want to be with.

The violent acts are another thing entirely. Illegal. Dangerous. Horrible. And you would get sucked in. Violent men associate with other violent men. People take revenge on them - violently. The man who is lovely when you are all sweetness and light will have no qualms in turning that violence on you when things are not going so well. Leave, break contact, stay clear - especially if you have kids

ShadowsCollideIsSurroundedByAd · 15/12/2015 23:25

'I would convert to racism and live happily ever after with him'.

Yup, that sounds like the way to go, OP. Out of interest, what do you think you this totally made up hypothetical person should do?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7