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AIBU?

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Original poster

This man- what happens?

167 replies

CreepingDogFart · 15/12/2015 23:04

This is hypothetical:

You're single.
You meet a lovely charming man.
He is kind to you, attractive to you and a real gent.
No one has been so kind.
He helps you when you need it.
He gets on with your friends.
He treats you.
The conversation is stimulating.
He defends you.
He is a nice person to you and you feel special.
You spend time together and over time are in a relationship.
You find out off someone else that he is racist.
You've seen no evidence of this before and no conversations have led down this road.
You investigate either by speaking directly to him or by other means and discover that not only is he racist but he is high profile in a racist organisation.
You discover he has committed violent racist acts and treats others of a different race in complete contrast to the way he treats you and makes you feel.

You love him.
He is racist.
What would you do?

Please note that I have not referenced any specific race here.

OP posts:
BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 16/12/2015 08:02

Well, if she is writing a book, she's found that this is a bit of a plot-hole.

Arfarfanarf · 16/12/2015 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hissy · 16/12/2015 08:08

Op, you walk. You end it. ASAP.

Why? Because what if one of your dc marries someone this guy hates? What then?

Sometimes we have to do what's right, even if it is something we don't want to do.

Why are you asking this?

LineyReborn · 16/12/2015 08:13

I wonder if this is a plot test for a book, too.

Or the 'big reveal' will be that he's English/Scottish football hooligan or something.

MrsBalustradeLanyard · 16/12/2015 08:15

Run far, run fast. Not only because of the obvious, but people with those kinds of views are always thick as pig shit but think they are a higher form of intelligentsia.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 16/12/2015 08:16

I like how she specifies that she hasn't mentioned the race as if that makes a difference!
Racism against minorities bad, racism by a minority ok? I don't think so

RJnomore1 · 16/12/2015 08:17

Racism slone SHOULD be enough to end it. But for some people it isn't - oh he treats me so well I love him.

But for your own sake run. If he can be calculatedly violent it's more than likely at some point that will transfer to you when you disappoint him because he's capable of believing others are less than him and once his illusions you are perfect shatter then it's likely you end up relegated to that category. I see a violent racist as a highly likely possible domestic abuser.

reallywittyname · 16/12/2015 08:19

Op, is your name Eva?

Playnicelyforfiveminutes · 16/12/2015 08:39

Racism slone SHOULD be enough to end it. But for some people it isn't - oh he treats me so well I love him.

Depends on what you define as racist though RJ. This guy is not ambiguous but I said earlier that I've seen people called racist here for objecting to the mass influx of Eastern Europeans. Also that some memembers of my grandmas generation use the word nigger innocently. I would'mt hold that against anyone if they were kind hearted

RJnomore1 · 16/12/2015 08:58

The views expressed against Eastern Europeans are racist though and they fuel what you would regard as "proper" racists. And I know plenty of older people who are quite capable of not using words as offensive as that, I would definitely hold it against anyone, it's quite patronising to suggest they don't know better because of their age.

Racism in any form is unacceptable and abhorrent and we should all challenge it whenever and however we are faced with it, not make apologies for it.

LurkingHusband · 16/12/2015 09:01

Sounds like the plot to a film ...

Playnicelyforfiveminutes · 16/12/2015 09:06

It's xenophobic, not racist. I did specifically state that SOME of the older generation use nigger. And not as an insult.
I don't agree that noticing the increase in population recently is the Same category In any way at all as believing that black people are inferior as a race. Wanting some better border control is a political opinion rather than racism in my view, and I'd think nothing of it if a friend thought like that. (I do!) I wouldn't want anything to do with a member of a white supremacy group

goodnightdarthvader1 · 16/12/2015 09:07

I can't believe this is a question that even needs asking.

BlueJug · 16/12/2015 10:11

So 10 am and the OP not back. As I suspected and others are now saying - a bit of a set up. No real person at all.

Gruntfuttock · 16/12/2015 10:26

BlueJug the first words of the OP were:- "This is hypothetical"

MultishirkingAgain · 16/12/2015 11:03

Feedback from your Creative Writing tutor: you need to work harder at developing an original approach to a conventional narrative. Your use of cliché needs to be signalled more clearly as ironic, and you need to tjink more deeply about your language choices. Overall the piece reads as a rather disingenuous and hastily written attempt at reader manipulation. Think more about your audience and their engagement with your ideas. Structure is weak because it is clichéd and predictable. Overall, a poor effort which demonstrates a lack of respect for your readers.

MaidOfStars · 16/12/2015 11:15

You love him. He is racist. What would you do?
Not love him anymore.

If this is going to be a work of creative fiction, it's a non-starter. Nobody will sympathise with your protagonist because s/he loves him and it's all a bit misty and confusing. Hmm

SpecialistSnowflake · 16/12/2015 11:28

I don't think you can say you love him when you've only just discovered a big and nasty part of who he is. He's a violent racist thug - confirmed - so the 'nice' and 'kind' aspects of his character are likely a front. Perhaps he's turning on the charm so hard because he knows he needs to. I wouldn't want to be around when he decides he doesn't need to try anymore...

I don't believe that people can be bigoted in just one carefully portioned off area. If he believes people with a different skin tone are inferior to him, in fact, deserve to be attacked, I can't imagine he thinks women are all that wonderful either. If this is real, he's potentially dangerous, and you need to withdraw from this quite carefully.

VestalVirgin · 16/12/2015 14:53

Have you even seen the news recently? Do you think maybe ISIS are racist? Al qaeda? New Black Panthers? Nation of Islam? Have you spent any time in the Southern USA where there are plenty of black americans who are unbelievably racist and anti-white as a violent backlash to slavery?

ISIS and other Islamists aren't racist. They're chauvinistic regarding their culture and religion. Besides, I do believe most of them are white.

I told you I use the European definition of white. There is no "hispanic" race in Europe. Anyone who is sufficiently white to be mistaken for a tanned German at first look, is considered white.

If Islamists aren't black, then they're usually white.

Being angry at white people for enslaving black people is not the same as considering them inherently inferior.
No, I haven't been to the Southern USA, but I read the news, and as long as white men can shoot black teenagers who "look threatening" without punishment, one doesn't have to be racist to be angry about that.

BeanGirls · 16/12/2015 15:52

Racist and violent. I couldn't love a person like that for long!

BlueJug · 16/12/2015 18:05

Gruntfuttock - I know she said it was hypothetical but it would have been nice if she had come back and related it to a real case within her experience as posters often do. It would have also been good if she had joined the debate and given more info about her hypothetical man or the real person he was based on.

MultishirkingAgain - v good.

Sorry VestalVirgin but "ISIS and other Islamists aren't racist" - really??? Yet those white people who make anti-Islamic comments are racist?? How does that work?? So the bombers and beheaders are just a bit "chauvenistic regarding their culture and religion"?? Of course! that's all right then!

Sorry but racism is racism. Hate is hate.

Anyway I think this thread has petered out. Smile

Helmetbymidnight · 16/12/2015 18:23

Isis and other Islamists aren't racist?
Oh I suppose murdering children outside a Jewish school, visitors at a Jewish museum and shoppers in a Jewish supermarket doesn't count.

decisionsdecisions123 · 16/12/2015 19:30

I think that's more about religion though Helmet. Jewish people can come from a variety of races cant they?

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 16/12/2015 19:37

Actually I think the Jewish community is considered a race.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 16/12/2015 19:37

DAESH are not a racist organisation. They accept Muslims of every ethnic and cultural background, and they murder indiscriminately anyone who does not subscribe to their ideology. Iraqi Muslims who are part of daesh will happily murder Iraqi Muslims who oppose them. Daesh is not concerned with racial allegiance rather it's about religious dogma.

The murders of the Jewish supermarket were loosely affiliated with daesh and were more likely to be a racist attack dressed up in Islamist clothing.

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