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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Naughty List" letter from school

248 replies

StormDesmond · 14/12/2015 16:38

5 year old son has come home from school tonight with a letter from Father Christmas saying he's currently on the "naughty list" and has one week to improve his behaviour! I asked what he'd done that was "naughty" and he said he'd been messing about instead of listening - as have most of the class this week.

I'm aware that he's currently very excited and a class of 30 excited kids can't be easy to teach but surely it's not school's place to do this?? We wouldn't dream of doing it at home - AIBU to be upset that they've done it at school?

OP posts:
spaceyboo · 14/12/2015 22:24

Wow the number of parents on here who'd blame the school for their child's naughtiness rather than try to fix it, is shocking.

captainfarrell · 14/12/2015 22:27

So far no mention of what said child has been up to in class other than listening. Even when no structured work is set, in the last week of term it is of paramount importance that instructions are adhered to. Its an exciting time and a tiring one for all concerned. Op you should be talking to your child about what is expected of him. Children are not put on a naughty list for one misdemeanour you know.

Geraniumred · 14/12/2015 22:31

I think that was a completely inappropriate thing to send home and I can't believe a teacher really would use Santa to coerce children into good behaviour.

ssd · 14/12/2015 22:33

I think this is a crap thing to do and I'll bet money on it that the teacher involved is young and doesnt have kids op?

ssd · 14/12/2015 22:35

and so what, he misbehaved, he's 5 for christs sake!!

I know on MN the 5 year olds are cooking dinner and doing their own laundry but in the real world most of them are a bit boisterous and hard to calm down at some stage.

JessicasRabbit · 14/12/2015 22:39

ssd, I'm young and have no kids, and I resent the implication that either of those facts have impact teaching! The teacher was (imo) very wrong to use this, but let's not suggest age and parenting are important factors in ability to teach.

Baconyum · 14/12/2015 22:47

Nobody has suggested that if the child misbehaved this didn't need dealt with BUT what we have said is that the teachers method is wrong for numerous reasons not all to do with the op's child.

But yes the child being adopted is a factor that should be taken into account generally by the teacher, as should whatever difficult circumstances the other children might have.

Poor teaching skills regardless of teachers age or parent status too.

ssd · 14/12/2015 22:47

thats your opinion jessica, but I've found a lot of young teachers that haven't had kids yet do things that they probably wouldn't do if they had kids.

I also found a lot of young female primary teachers were more biased towards nice little girls who liked to colour in or look quietly at books and a boisterous boy who wouldnt sit still for 5 minutes was treated as a pest.

JassyRadlett · 14/12/2015 23:02

So far no mention of what said child has been up to in class other than listening

No matter what the child did, this is a shit technique quite outside of issues related to this particular child, or the very family nature of Christmas traditions.

No one should ever threaten a consequence to children that they aren't both willing and able to carry out. Empty threats are counterproductive. If you don't control the consequence, don't threaten it.

steppemum · 14/12/2015 23:04

I don't want to derail the thread, but I'm afraid I agree with ssd.

We have had some fabulous young teachers, much loved, brilliant and wouldn't swap them for the world.

BUT, in general, there are some things they do that teachers with kids don't do. (Or teachers with much more experience) Usually in relation to homework, expectations of what is going to happen at home, and in what time span (dress up days with 48 hours notice with 3 kids in the school), and also lack of understanding over the home/school dynamic. (eg surprise that a child who is well behaved at school can melt down at home0

I am a teacher, but haven't been back in the classroom since I had kids. I am very aware of how I also had some miss-match of expectations.

As to the boy girl thing, I have also seen that, but it really depends on the teacher's experiences. One of our best young female teachers came from a family of big brothers, and was amazing with the boys in her class, really understood them.

Pilgit · 14/12/2015 23:09

This is anot awful way of dealing with behaviour issues. It can't be followed through as parents need to have exactly the same concept of Christmas as the teacher for it to work. We don't do father Christmas in our house so it just wouldn't work and would leave the DDs confused. There has to be a better way of dealing with behaviour issues?

ssd · 14/12/2015 23:11

maybe you taught in my kids school steppemum, their P1 teacher was brilliant, , she was young and had not had kids when she had my boys and they all adored her, she had brothers too and just got how to handle boys

PrimeDirective · 14/12/2015 23:22

Wow the number of parents on here who'd blame the school for their child's naughtiness rather than try to fix it, is shocking.
So if a 5yr old has stepped out of line in any way, the school are within their rights to dole out any punishment they can think of, even if it could be emotionally damaging to a vulnerable child?

JassyRadlett · 14/12/2015 23:31

So if a 5yr old has stepped out of line in any way, the school are within their rights to dole out any punishment they can think of, even if it could be emotionally damaging to a vulnerable child?

Or even if it's just a totally nonsensical and rubbish approach.

If my child steps out of line, I'd like the school to deal with it effectively. I'll back them to the hilt.

This sort of piss-poor illogical nonsense? Nope.

Not the school's fault the child was naughty. It is the school's (or the individual teacher's) fault they've chosen such a pathetic response to that naughtiness.

steppemum · 14/12/2015 23:33

Wow the number of parents on here who'd blame the school for their child's naughtiness rather than try to fix it, is shocking.

sigh - because of course life is sooo simple that there couldn't possibly be more than one issue present, or that the method used for something could be wrong, even if the intent is correct. Or that the school is doing something wrong, AND the child is also wrong

MiscellaneousAssortment · 14/12/2015 23:53

Yup exactly. There is no alternative beyond 'bad mother excuses naughty child' or 'bad teacher and more innocent child'.

Two different issues. But I guess it's good for the OP to see how the teacher & school may try and deflect a conversation on this subject!

Longtalljosie · 14/12/2015 23:59

Whoah - that would piss me right off.

Yes - totally deal with my child's bad behaviour. Do it by doing the things teachers do and I'll back you all the way.

But dragging in Christmas - a day when they're not at school anyway - is below the belt. We don't do judgy Santa in this house.

IguanaTail · 15/12/2015 00:11

I have to say, I'm quite surprised nobody has yet suggested making a formal complaint to "Ofstead" or the "LEA". Why settle with being merely livid or simply printing out a policy and demanding a meeting with the headteacher?

Gramgram · 15/12/2015 00:16

I suggest that you take a letter in from Father Christmas informing the teacher, that they are is on his naughty list and there will be no presents. You could even carry out this threat and not send in a Christmas gift.

I remember DS in what is now Y1, he was six and had spent a lot of time doing Christmas cards for his classmates, teacher and student teacher. Unfortunately the student teacher did not do Christmas, she was a JW. However DS was unaware of this and gave her the card which he had made for her, after lunch the children went back to the classroom and found all the cards they had given the student teacher in the bin. There were a lot of very upset children picked up from school that day. The student teacher did not return to the school the next day.

Just have a conversation with the teacher and hopefully they will know they have made a mistake.

Lastly hope you and your DS have a wonderful first Christmas.

safclass · 15/12/2015 00:59

You should only give a 'consequence' that can / will be followed up. If your DS does NOT improve his behaviour what is going to happen?? Are you stopping Christmas ? Of course not!! All he will learn is that he doesnt have to worry about 'threats' from school because cant really do anything at all!! School have then lost the battle!!

Enjolrass · 15/12/2015 06:37

Oh come on, Santa not coming has been used as encouragement to behave for decades. Why are people so precious these day? Spare the metaphorical rod and spoil the child!!

It wrong because the parents won't cancel Christmas. So it's an empty threat with no consequences. It's not the teachers place to set out consequences at home.

Wow the number of parents on here who'd blame the school for their child's naughtiness rather than try to fix it, is shocking.

no one has suggested the OP ignores her son misbehaving. Only that this is not an appropriate way to deal with it.

Nataleejah · 15/12/2015 06:51

This is nonsense because not every family does Santa at all.

fuffapster · 15/12/2015 07:04

I'd echo the above comments about this being crap teaching (not mention using Frozen...).

Some have suggested the teacher may be reacting off the cuff due to stress etc. But it seems like a pre-prepared form that the teacher has thought out in advance. Which makes it worse.

Other children probably got it too.

BoGrainger · 15/12/2015 07:22

GrinIguana
I'm actually disappointed that very few posters are 'livid'. Come on MN! This isn't up to your usual standard

BondJayneBond · 15/12/2015 07:31

Wow the number of parents on here who'd blame the school for their child's naughtiness rather than try to fix it, is shocking

It's perfectly possible to acknowledge that your child is being naughty and try to fix it while still thinking that the threat of cancelling Santa and removing Christmas presents is a really bad idea.