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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at my asshole boyfriend

180 replies

Whatthecrocodilehat · 11/12/2015 20:04

Been really busy today with poorly baby.
My BF has been texting me and my answers have been short as I have been quite stressed cleaning up projectile vomit all day and doing a trip to hospital.
Basically I didn't ask BF about how his day was and how he is.
When he mentioned that, I said sorry and asked him how he was.
He then goes on to tell me that he had fallen off the roof at work, broken his wrist and gouged his leg down the bone. When I phoned him in a panic he didn't answer so I text him again to ask what the doctors have said.
He said that they said that his misses should always ask how he is so he doesn't need to make up stupid stories.

AIBU to be fucking livid and go over to his and give him a fucking kick in the nuts?!

OP posts:
ShebaShimmyShake · 12/12/2015 15:14

I wouldn't expect a cheat to broadcast it to his kids! Of course he wanted them to think he's fantastic. I think of it more as deceptive than 'private'.

It seems they split before the kids were old enough to pick up on how unhappy their mother would have been (and they would have). But they've picked up on it now that they're older. It's the same principle, if not the same extreme, that so many people try to explain to battered women insisting that their abusers are good fathers. No, they are not. Because good fathers do not harm their children's mother, physically or mentally. It is possible to divorce while being respectful to the other parent.

My father was physically and emotionally abusive to me but until very recently I had always thought, "but he didn't lay a hand on my mother ever". Then recently my mother admitted that actually they did have the "odd fist fight, it wasn't a big deal" (yes, those were her words, I swear to God) in the early days of their marriage. Doubtless she imagined that he would never do something like that to any kids they would have, because despite his foul mouth, foul temper and flying fists, he would surely be a good father....

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/12/2015 15:18

OP, I understand your viewpoint, absolutely, and I do believe everyone is allowed to cock up once (provided they properly do understand they cocked up, apologise sincerely and really don't do it again). Has he really done this, though? I'm not buying his claim that he thought you'd never believe he'd done himself an injury like that. I used to work in health and safety and people in construction fall off roofs all the time and sustain much worse injuries than that. If I heard a man had been on a roof, fallen, gouged his leg to the bone and broken a wrist, I'd probably think, "lucky man, could have been much worse".

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/12/2015 15:20

Yes I am fucking serious. A hundred people are telling you this is not a nice bloke and you won't have it. You're the one who posted! You've been with him only a year, he is showing you his nasty true colours yet you waltz off the very next day leaving your toddler with him.

MistressMerryWeather · 12/12/2015 15:24

Whatthecrocodilehat, this thread has gotten very strange and I wouldn't blame you for hiding it.

It seems like some people have taken you not following their advice to LTB this second personally.

There is no reason to question your parenting skills and the remarks about you spending some time with your friends are fucking low. (Incidentally Glo, not everyone who has a drink gets drunk.)

It's quite clear that you have made you decision OP. Just keep an eye on things to make sure this was a one off.

Original poster
Whatthecrocodilehat · 12/12/2015 15:24

sheba yes he had apologised as I've mentioned many times. He realises what he done was stupid and he's making it up to me. I'd like to think if done something to upset him, felt guilty about it and then apologised he would allow me the same courtesy of not letting one thing over ride everything that is good about our relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatthecrocodilehat · 12/12/2015 15:26

Thankyou mistress
I absolutely can not believe my parenting is being questioned on this thread. Or his for that matter.

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/12/2015 15:29

but it wasn't just a one off mistake! It was premeditated cruel behaviour!!

Original poster
Whatthecrocodilehat · 12/12/2015 15:31

And I've dealt with it. But don't you dare critisise my parenting.

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/12/2015 15:32

If he had punched you once and was sorry, would you forgive him that? It's the fact that he is capable of this behaviour in the first place that makes him dangerous, not whether he says he won't do it again

ShebaShimmyShake · 12/12/2015 15:32

OP, people were right to be concerned and appalled about what your partner did. But those who are now screeching about your parenting as if you were off on a bender while leaving your child with Freddy Krueger are frigging loonies. Ignore them.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/12/2015 15:34

And I didn't criticise your parenting. I said i wouldn't leave my child with him personally

Original poster
Whatthecrocodilehat · 12/12/2015 15:37

yet you waltz off the very next day leaving your toddler with him

Hmmmm.

OP posts:
Bettercallsaul1 · 12/12/2015 15:37

What he did was cruel - and unbelievably selfish - as well as stupid, OP - that's the element of this that stands out for me. It is these factors that most people are trying to stress to you and I don't think you are doing yourself any favours in minimising them.

The comments or hints about you being a "bad" parent are obviously nonsense and are not representative of what most people are saying on this thread. It is a pity they were said as they are a distraction from the valid and important things most people have posted.

Original poster
Whatthecrocodilehat · 12/12/2015 15:38

And as someone who has been the woman that's been beaten by her boyfriend, these 2 situations are in no way comparable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatthecrocodilehat · 12/12/2015 15:39

I'm willing to forgive him this once. He knows now that he was being a prick and I know he won't do it again.

OP posts:
Skzr1214 · 12/12/2015 15:46

wow what an insensitive man! make him clean some projectile vomits too perhaps? best remedy for his whining.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/12/2015 15:47

Well I'm not saying you're a bad parent at all. I just dont think you should trust that bloke

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/12/2015 15:48

Sorry- shouldn't trust him, I mean

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/12/2015 15:49

Aargh I'll shut up now

Nataleejah · 12/12/2015 15:51

Who is the sick baby here?

Muffintopmum · 12/12/2015 15:56

Go and be happy OP - only you know what he's really like. Everyone makes mistakes.

Youarentkiddingme · 12/12/2015 15:59

what yes the award for the most bellendery text message sent this year goes to your BF. However considering you realise and have told him he's been a massive twunt and he realises it I think allowing a mistake is fair enough. I agree with forgive but don't forget - you are clearly a strong minded woman who can walk away from an abusive relationship.
Hope your DD gets better soon - poor lamb sounds quite poorly.

Original poster
Whatthecrocodilehat · 12/12/2015 16:05

He makes me the happiest I've been so I'm holding onto that. And yes I'll never forget, not after what I e been through. I've just got home and they're both fast asleep on the sofa. She settles better with him as he has her overnight a lot as I work 7pm till 7-9am.

OP posts:
LondonStill83 · 12/12/2015 16:20

People on MN love to jump on the LTB wagon.

It was a stupid joke but it did make me chuckle. He probably had no idea how stressed you were and decided to take the piss. He just did it badly and at entirely the wrong time.

The fact he is a single father who has also helped you raise your little one says a lot more to me about his character than one stupid joke!

if MN had their way everyone would be leaving everyone all over the place and our divorce rate would be 95%. Then MN would complain no one sticks it out and works through things anymore.

Damselindestress · 12/12/2015 16:45

I think that what people are concerned about here is that an adult being jealous of a baby isn't normal or healthy and can be a precursor to domestic abuse. It's worrying that he pretended to be seriously injured to punish you for paying more attention to your baby than him. That's not a normal reaction. Everyone makes mistakes but I don't personally think that otherwise perfectly lovely and healthy people fake serious injury to scare their partners into behaving the way they want. There's a saying, "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." Obviously it's your choice to remain in the relationship but please make an informed choice and don't just dismiss this. Keep an eye out for other warning signs.