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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad at my asshole boyfriend

180 replies

Whatthecrocodilehat · 11/12/2015 20:04

Been really busy today with poorly baby.
My BF has been texting me and my answers have been short as I have been quite stressed cleaning up projectile vomit all day and doing a trip to hospital.
Basically I didn't ask BF about how his day was and how he is.
When he mentioned that, I said sorry and asked him how he was.
He then goes on to tell me that he had fallen off the roof at work, broken his wrist and gouged his leg down the bone. When I phoned him in a panic he didn't answer so I text him again to ask what the doctors have said.
He said that they said that his misses should always ask how he is so he doesn't need to make up stupid stories.

AIBU to be fucking livid and go over to his and give him a fucking kick in the nuts?!

OP posts:
2ManySweets · 11/12/2015 22:02

Agree with PP re flowers.

Flowers don't take much effort but - for me - are a good way to show remorse PROMPTLY. But I guess you're reading this thinking we're all being a bit far fetched here...

I do hope to god your day's drama is over and that you've one of these on the go: Wine

I'd say sleep on it. But you must make sure that he's given a message loud and clear that what he did was not only unacceptable and he won't get a second chance on this. Ever.

You have been advised....

LilaTheTiger · 11/12/2015 22:04

LilaTheTiger, why does your DP get to do it and stick around but you advise OP to dump her DP?

Cos, 1. He genuinely was ill, not making up a story, which is shocking, and 2. He accepted my WTAF face was appropriate and fucked off to look after himself and never ever tried it again. He didn't justify or think it was funny.

Baconyum · 11/12/2015 22:05

Maybe I'm being dim but is he staying at exes? Or is he a single dad?

Original poster
Whatthecrocodilehat · 11/12/2015 22:05

I've just text him letting him know that DD is ok, she's finally asleep and not to worry. I've said that im really upset about the lie but don't want to talk about it right now as A: I'm too exhausted and B: I don't want to fly off the handle and make the situation much worse and that I'll call him in the morning. Dont think there is much more I can do atm apart from vent to you guys for a bit of moral support. (and if anyone happens to know how long hand foot and mouth lasts that would be awesome!)

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Original poster
Whatthecrocodilehat · 11/12/2015 22:06

Bacon He's a single dad.

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tallwivglasses · 11/12/2015 22:06

'Aw, she didn't ask me about my day. She must've been really worried about dd. I'll be super nice - text her stuff to make her laugh, tell her I can't wait to see her, etc' - would be a decent man's response.

Baconyum · 11/12/2015 22:09

As a single dad I'd have thought he'd understand your perspective better? That might be a way to talk to him - how would he feel if he'd been in your situation and you'd 'joked' with him?!

Original poster
Whatthecrocodilehat · 11/12/2015 22:13

Yes I know that's what pissed me off the most. He'd be so upset if I had done that to him and it's very no like him. I do believe it was a totally thoughtless thing but he needs to understand that I have a right to be mad and he is being a bellend.

OP posts:
Sprink · 11/12/2015 22:21

Good reasons, Lila.

OP, I wouldn't kick him to the kerb just for this, but yanbu to be angry.

Original poster
Whatthecrocodilehat · 11/12/2015 22:43

thanks sprink

I've calmed down a lot now and thought about it more. I'm not going to leave him. I cant let one moment of stupidity out weigh the thousand positives that he's bought to me and my daughter. But there will definitely be flowers and ben and jerry's after that stunt!!

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Muffintopmum · 11/12/2015 22:55

Just read this through and seen your comment. Glad you've calmed down. Sounds to me like he really didn't think things through, a trait exhibited by many blokes. Yes you have a right to be angry but some advice on here seems rather extreme. Posters, I presume, do not know you or your partner from Adam or history and to suggest that you dump him or that he's a rubbish father, having read a few lines on one particular incident, is way OTT. Hope you're little one is on the mend.

Muffintopmum · 11/12/2015 22:56

Sorry your little one!

Kaytee1987 · 11/12/2015 23:04

Wah wah wah! The little baby is getting all of your attention. I'm going to do something really shit to get your attention, but disguise it as a joke so i can say you can't take a joke and make it look like you're the problem.

What a fucking tool.

^ this

WhitePhantom · 11/12/2015 23:25

I'm with 1French - it was a silly, badly-timed joke. It was so exaggerated that you surely couldn't have thought he was serious? Fell off a roof, gouged his leg... if my dh texted that to me it wouldn't even occur to me that it was anything other than a wind up!

Original poster
Whatthecrocodilehat · 11/12/2015 23:29

Why wouldn't I? He is regularly on roofs because of his job?

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ShebaShimmyShake · 11/12/2015 23:30

I don't think it was a joke. If I were run ragged with a sick baby in hospital, it would not cross my mind that any normal, half decent adult would think that was a good time to lie to me about being gravely injured because he didn't like the child getting attention. Presumably he works in building/construction, a very dangerous industry where people frequently sustain injuries like that (check out the latest news on the HSE website).

A good father would not throw a strop and waste someone's time and emotional energy when she's caring for a sick baby. He needs a slap across the face with a wet kipper.

Costacoffeeplease · 12/12/2015 00:01

You didn't ask how he was? How he was, and is, is a dickhead, I can't believe this is ok with you Confused Really?

ouryve · 12/12/2015 00:08

Do you need someone to throw the twat off the roof for real, whatthe ?

Original poster
Whatthecrocodilehat · 12/12/2015 00:15

Haha maybe not throw him off but maybe a little dangle by the ankles would learn him!

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Damselindestress · 12/12/2015 01:05

I'd tell him the story of the boy who cried wolf and that you will be less inclined to believe him if he ever does have an accident!

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 12/12/2015 07:22

I wish people didn't name change so much on here ..because when your back in a year or so , because he's putting his selfish self interest before you and your daughter it would show a clear timeline of how these relationships develop and allow other people to learn.

Olddear · 12/12/2015 07:53

He calls you his 'missis?' Jeez, I'd leave him for that alone...

YouBastardSockBalls · 12/12/2015 08:01

google

Text him saying how sorry you are and you'll make it up to him later. Follow it up with a joke about how convincing you are and actually he can fuck off.

This made me actually lol!!

Moonriver1 · 12/12/2015 08:12

OP

I know Mumsnetters get eye rolled and flamed for talking about 'red flags' but trust me, this is one.

I have a close friend who had a boyfriend who made attention-seeking, cruel, 'jokes' - whether it was that he was leaving her, that he'd not done something he'd promised to do.

He'd 'joke' and 'joke' and 'joke' that he'd not done it until she would either cry or lose her temper then he'd reveal the 'joke' and she was the bitch who couldn't take a joke, then she'd get the silent treatment. Happened every few months, sometimes more frequent. The jokes and tricks and traps changed and evolved.

Guess what?

It's 20 years later.

And she is still with him.

He is a 'good father' - in that he undoubtedly loves their four daughters, he probably does love my friend. But he has hurt her and tied her in knots for 30 years and her love and respect for him has eroded. On balance she'd say she loves him but she also now sees his games and cruelty for what it is and she acknowledges that she has had to 'work on' him and battle him every day of that marriage.

I keep quiet because I think FUCK THAT.

Original poster
Whatthecrocodilehat · 12/12/2015 08:17

Morning. Thanks to everyone who's been helpful. He's left older DC with his mum for the day so he can look after little one. He's sorry, he's a twat it won't be happening again. I'm off to do my Christmas shopping and drink lots of wine with my friends!

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