To think how I give birth is not DH's choice?

[AliceScarlett]

Slightly redundant post as we are only TTC ATM, but we ended up discussing the birth (if that happens).
Anyway, I said I would seriously look into a ELCS, DH looked like someone had stolen his last fucking rolo and said "Oh you can't do that, it would ruin things, we won't get the lovely birth experience. It's not how people imagine it". I said um, what? It's my body my choice. He agreed, but looked so sad.

2min later I said "I think rates of PND increase when people think they have not managed to have a 'proper' birth" (I have no idea if this is true, my bad). Then he said "well why don't you not have a cesarean to make sure that doesn't happen then"!!!! I ripped him a new one, and asked him why I should go through a VB when it is not what I think is right for me. He apologised, but he's made it painfully clear that if I have a ELCS he will be disappointed and "robbed" of "his" birth.

I've suffered sexual abuse in the past and a sure fire way to fuck up my mental health is to experience pain in my fanjo. I know what is best for me, but I now have this ridiculous idea that I'll be weak and upset DH.

Sorry for pointless thread, we may not even concieve but this is kind of putting me off the whole thing.

I dunno, I didn't speak to a consultant. The midwives just refused, and refused more than once

sorry just saw this!!!

breach of practise and duty of care.

I would look into their protocol, and seek legal advice.

Alice. My heart breaks for you and all your suffering. Of course ynbu. This is your body and will be your birth, when the time hopefully comes. Your reaons for not wanting to give birth naturally are more than just being too posh to push. It's due to the uppermost trauma you've endured. There wont bd one person on here that does not understand your reasons. Of course you're going to be beyond terrified giving birth.

elf nice guidelines only changed fairly recently.

Does he know anyone who has watched a real birth because most men wouldn't consider it "an experience", I'd imagine that they would consider it traumatic because they are bystanders to their partner going through a painful experience that sometimes ends up with medical consequences like being rushed off for a Caesarian.

MN posters on this thread need to "put on their big girl knickers"

Thanks for that insightful and thought provoking contribution, Princess.

It is thought provoking. I'm left wondering what kind of ---- person would post that.

Hi Op. I haven't read every post but glad your DH seems to be more supportive. I see there may have been a few scare monger posts so thought I would share my ELCS experience with DD. Sorry if most of this has already been covered. I wanted to share because I remember getting lost of negativity from people when they found out I wanted/was having an ELCS.

DH and I had a really positive experience and I felt an huge wave of euphoria and an instant bond with DD. We both still remember the day with lots of positive feelings. Smiling whilst typing and remembering.

Below is a quick synopsis of my recovery. I know everyone is different but this is how it went for me. Happy to answer any questions.

• DD born NYE via ELCS. I had and still have no regrets. We are ttc our second and if we are lucky enough to conceive I will be requesting another ELCS.
• CS was not scary, traumatic, painful or disappointing as people kept telling me it would be
• I was able to carry my DD, change her nappy and do everything as soon as spinal wore off. I was able to breast feed (if you choose to) whilst in recovery before spinal wore off.
• I spent 1 night in hospital out of choice. I asked to be released and I was as soon as I could go to the loo post catheter been removed.
• I was driving after 2 and half weeks. Yes that is legal and insurers are happy for you to drive as long as your GP or consultant signs you off. your consultant or GP will sign you off if you are able to do an emergency brake without any problems. The first 5 five days are probably the most uncomfortable but I would not say painful. Sometimes if you twist too fast it can hurt. I was able to hold and carry DD straight away.
• I was back at the gym (spinning, weight training etc.) after about 4 weeks, again with full GP support.
• I have no ugly CS over hang and you can't really see the scare now. It's a really light thin line. I also have feeling back. It took about 6 months for that to come back though.
• DD had no breathing difficulties (screamed immediately) or any form of injury following CS
• we have some lovely IMO pictures from the birth. Not the procedure but everything else.

So all in all I didn't experience any of the scary things people said would/could happen.

This is your birth and I completely believe every woman should be allowed, be supported and be given a birth of their choice (VB or ELCS). It's no ones business how or why you choose your birth.

BTW.... I am not the Princess referred to above. This is my first post on this thread.

Just for clarity.

No, PrincessMouse, I know the other one was a frog. I was just too lazy to write out the full name :)

My elcs experience was as princessmouse described also. In fact my emergency cs that preceded it was also an extremely positive experience once we knew ds was ok. And while the recovery is longer than for a straightforward vaginal delivery it certainly isn't longer than a good proportion of my friends who had instrumental deliveries (although I know I had straightforward recoveries and that could have been delayed if I'd had any complications).

You have good reasons for the request you'll make and an awareness of the previously negatives. Arm yourself with knowledge before you speak to your consultant and I'm sure you'll get your wish. Good luck ttc

What a lot of people forget is that Caesareans have been performed for thousands of years prior to now (clue's in the name). It's just only in comparatively recent times that we expect both baby and mother to survive the process and even recover from it.

Sheba