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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask grandparents for our childrens Xmas presents to be under our tree, so that they can open them on Xmas morning

193 replies

Kanga59 · 09/12/2015 20:24

Not all of the presents that they have purchased. Just the ones that are on my ds's xmas lists (I have two boys) because these are the ones thatcthey have asked for in their letters to Santa. And I would like the requested presents to be here on Xmas morning as if delivered by Santa.

My OH thinks that his parents would not want to do that because they will like to see the children open their presents when we visit them on Boxing Day.

We haven't asked the grandparents yet as can't decide if it's reasonable to or not. Thoughts?

OP posts:
claig · 10/12/2015 00:20

'Should we give the gifts then'

Yes. The pleasure is in seeing the happiness. The kids will get more presents at home on the day anyway.

liinyo · 10/12/2015 00:21

If the stocking contains other things they have asked for and a few little surprises too I would hope they will be so thrilled they won't even notice that they don't have every single thing they asked for. And to then get a welcome surprise on Boxing Day will be spreading the Christmas joy.

None of us will always get exactly what we want exactly when we want it and it is never to early to learn that you can still be happy and content with coming pretty close.

leaningtoweroflego · 10/12/2015 00:40

"I find adults putting their own desire to see kids open presents ahead of kids having the traditional Christmas extremely selfish."

Eh?!

It's your tradition that Santa brings everything but not everyone does that. My family never has.

I'd wager that giving gifts at Christmas is an older tradition than Santa anyway, just a hunch ...

I think it's teaching my DC good manners to understand where their gifts came from and say thank you, and helping with the bond with their GPs whom they don't see that often. They also get a stocking from Santa. I don't see how that's selfish!

Italiangreyhound · 10/12/2015 00:59

YABU, the grandparents should have the credit for gifts they buy.

Santa's gifts should be paid for by mum and dad, if cash is tight steer them towards a simple gift from Santa and say Grand dad and Grand ma will buy something big.

How old are the boys?

If they are tiny they are often swayed by things that are bigger over more expensive.

You have time to concoct a story that Grand dad and Grandma will buy the gifts in question, perhaps because Santa asked them to, and Santa will deliver a special surprise gift for Christmas dad. The elves called, it's all official.

Just as an aside, my dd has very little relationship now with my mum because she is quite ill and elderly but she has always bought amazing presents for dd, including awonderful dolly, teddy and helictoter. These are amongst the few memories of my mum my dd has.

Italiangreyhound · 10/12/2015 01:01

Christmas Day not Christmas dad!

Italiangreyhound · 10/12/2015 01:03

In our home Santa brings one gift per child we supply the stocking and other gifts for the kids. My kids still believe in Santa, well the 5 year old does. The excitement is that he comes and brings a gift, not all the gifts. how would the slay get into the air!

NadiaWadia · 10/12/2015 03:59

A poster, MrsUltra, I think, said this way back on page 3:

^Presents are for the joy of the person receiving them
precisely!
really yucky to give gifts 'to see their faces'^ Sad

A few posts later someone else agreed with her! Can someone explain this line of thinking to me please, I can't understand it at all. 'Presents are for the joy of the person receiving' - yes, agreed, and it's nice to witness that joy if possible. Nobody is saying the children have to fake the 'joy' but if there is any joy it's nice to see it, especially when you have gone to the trouble of providing the present. What on earth is 'yucky' about that?? Weird.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/12/2015 04:46

So your DH has asked them to bring the presents over this Saturday, so you'll have them for Christmas morning as hoped? That's a fab outcome then!

I would have said to ask anyway, because I'm sure the grandparents would be happy to continue the Father Christmas belief at this stage in their lives too, especially as it's not the only gift they'll be giving.

I find out what DSs want from FC and then make sure that no one else buys it, so that it goes in their stocking (or under it, if it's too big) - they get that one main thing from FC, and then a few other little bits. Everything else they get comes from named people. This is also what my parents did and I continue it because I liked it that way. If ALL presents came from FC, it would feel weird and as though no one else in the family cared enough about them to give them presents, which doesn't work for me (although I'm sure other families manage it just fine).

My Dad and sister are in the UK and they like to see their presents being opened, so we either skype them while it's being done, or if that can't work, I film the children opening the presents and send them the film. Although I agree that presents should absolutely be about the person receiving them, it IS nice to see those presents being appreciated, and the look of wonder and joy on a child's face usually gives people a "warm fuzzy", so why deny them? But in the case of the OP, the grandparents are still going to get that with the other presents, so they're not missing out.

Glad it's resolved anyway, OP. :)

grannycake · 10/12/2015 06:15

We did this for my GS last year but my DIL has said that too man resents on Christmas day overwhelmed him a bit and has asked that we keep the presents until we see them on Boxing Day

WeThreeMythicalKings · 10/12/2015 07:16

In our house FC brings a stocking and one large unwrapped present that arrives overnight in the living room. The rest are from the people who sent them. Staggering getting them over the Christmas season as we met with family meant the DCs were not overwhelmed.

MidniteScribbler · 10/12/2015 08:03

Presents are for the joy of the person receiving them
precisely!
really yucky to give gifts 'to see their faces'

Is only one person allowed to get any joy?

What is wrong with both the giver and receiver to experience the joy of the gift? Tis the season and all that, I'm sure there's enough to go around for everyone.

JumpingJack56 · 10/12/2015 08:35

In our house Santa just delivers the gifts which people have sent to him to do so everything is labelled from the giver and the labels are read out as they're opened. The children then ring and thank people for the gifts and to wish them a happy Xmas etc.

It's never been a thing for us to worry about-people have always just given the gifts to be opened on Xmas morning at our house, it's how it was done for us as children too. It wouldn't work for any of us for the children to wait and open gifts at others houses as we don't visit everyone over Xmas. Xmas day and Boxing Day is spent just us at home. We see family before and after the Christmas period.

Bambambini · 10/12/2015 08:45

Depends - are the GP's presents their most wanted things? If the GP's were just buying random and extras then the children should open them at the GP's. If it's the top of their list thing that they have been asking for all year then I'd probably want it under their tree for them for Christmas morning. If they have plenty of Christmas list gifts from you, then again they can probably wait till Boxing Day for the others.

Next year, plan it better.

Pranmasghost · 10/12/2015 08:47

I am a grandma and I only see dgc open their presents if I am with them or they are with us on Christmas morning. Their main presents are always under their tree on Christmas morning (I ask Santa to drop them off for me).
I usually save one small gift each to give them when I see them.
I buy the Christmas pyjamas and they too are delivered in advance so Mum can produce them on Christmas Eve.

pigsDOfly · 10/12/2015 09:10

I find the idea that children must be led to believe that all presents come from this patriarchal Santa figure really strange; but I'm sure that's just me.

Will the poor little flowers faint away if they don't get everything they ask for on Christmas day or, god forbid, have to wait a day or so to get yet more presents; it really won't do them any harm.

It might actually mean they enjoy the presents more if they aren't overwhelmed by loads of stuff on one day.

Not sure there's much joy in unwrapping present after present after present. Surely they can't play with everything and get any great pleasure out of any one individual thing if the house is like a toy shop.

Bambambini · 10/12/2015 09:22

"what is this thing where Father Christmas brings all the presents - it's very silly

FC brings the stocking gifts - the rest come from family - yabu"

And there are some really arrogant posters here. Your way isn't the only way! All the present we as parents buy are from Santa, not from us. Kids get up and open everything there and then usually, no waiting till later or after Christmas dinner. Anything from other people are labelled as being from that person. Why not tell us how else we should be living our lives.

Branleuse · 10/12/2015 09:26

i think its fine to ask, but fine for them to say no, if they dont want santa to take the credit. YABU if you insist.

MaryMore · 10/12/2015 09:51

YABVU

One of my biggest regrets as a kid is that I shouted at my GP's that they did love me cause they never got me anything at Christmas while my friends all got presents from theirs. They died before I found out Santa was a lie never forgave my parents for it as GP bought the most expensive of the presents too.

Now I make sure presents from the family as know who they are from, I would prefer my kids know their real GP's love them before a made up man.

Crabbitface · 10/12/2015 10:06

MaryMore

Perhaps your parents should have taught you that love is not something that is measured in the amount of gifts a person can give you but in the way that they treat you. Perhaps then you would have treated your grandparents better regardless of your knowledge of their generosity. To say you never forgave your parents for making you believe in Santa is very unreasonable.

MaryMore · 10/12/2015 10:12

Crab, my GP bought the most of the "Santa" presents so my parents could be cheap and look good for the neighbours. Think how a 5/6 year feels when all their friends GP get them presents for Christmas but yours don't. You feel hurt like they don't love you.

They everything is from Santa was not for my benfit it was so my parents could be cheap, I would have preferred little ftom Santa and be told what my GP's bought was from them. Hell I would prefer to be told Santa was a lie over being made feel like my GP's hated me. I was just gone 6 to a kid that age presents are a sign of love.

Chattymummyhere · 10/12/2015 10:15

I think it's fine to want the presents for the morning.

My children know not all gifts come from Santa and that he buys some and the rest from family but that Santa acts as a post man and delivers them all.

I do hate all this must watch everyone open presents thing, I'm crap at showing excitement for something I'm not excited about and my children are the same, my in laws always hold presents back and make a big show out of opening one present at a time while everyone watches I always just want the ground to swallow me up.

saoirse31 · 10/12/2015 10:16

I think there's something v strange about wanting to pass grandparents presents off as presents from santy.... Unless you're v broke and grandparents r OK with it. Do ur DC have cousins? Will they not wonder why cousins get presents from grandparents and not them?

But quite apart from DC its beyond mean to try and stop grandparents from seeing DC open the presents they gave them.. I think it would be rude to ask.

Surely your gratitude not greed DC WL be happy with whatever they get

Crabbitface · 10/12/2015 10:22

They are really not a sign of love - not even to a six year old. Did your grandparents treat you badly, or give you any other reason to believe that they hated you? My son is just gone six and he KNOWS his grandparents adore the bones of him. If they didn't buy him a Christmas present he would still know that they adore the bones of him - because they tell him, and they hug him and they comfort him and they make his favourite food, and because they know his favourite things and because they tell him how special they think he is. From what you are saying about your parents - i think perhaps there were issues beyond just Christmas presents though and that must have been really tough for a wee kid.

Floggingmolly · 10/12/2015 10:34

So... Most of those FB pictures you see of the piles and piles of gifts for their precious princes and princesses who deserve all the treasures and riches their adoring parents can bestow on them; have actually been funded by friends and neighbours and family?

Wow. Tight isn't the word. I fund my own Santa pile.

MaryMore · 10/12/2015 10:36

Crab

They where my dads parents, saw them a few times a year max as mom didn't like them. As a six year old that got no presents from them while my cousins did and all my school friends got presents from their GP of course it felt like they didn't love me. Didn't help they died a year later and at 7 mom told me santa did exist which was just cause she would have to buy all the presents now.

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