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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask grandparents for our childrens Xmas presents to be under our tree, so that they can open them on Xmas morning

193 replies

Kanga59 · 09/12/2015 20:24

Not all of the presents that they have purchased. Just the ones that are on my ds's xmas lists (I have two boys) because these are the ones thatcthey have asked for in their letters to Santa. And I would like the requested presents to be here on Xmas morning as if delivered by Santa.

My OH thinks that his parents would not want to do that because they will like to see the children open their presents when we visit them on Boxing Day.

We haven't asked the grandparents yet as can't decide if it's reasonable to or not. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Nanofone · 09/12/2015 20:37

As a grandparent I'm going to go against the trend here. Personally, we only have small stocking fillers from Santa but I still think that if they've bought the present they should just hand them over - presents shouldn't come with strings. Suppose you weren't seeing them on Boxing Day or any time soon - presumably there wouldn't be an issue then?

AtiaoftheJulii · 09/12/2015 20:38

Well then you arrange things with the rest of your family so you buy the must-have stuff and they buy from the rest of the list. And if cchildren learn that they don't get every single thing they ask for regardless of the length of the list, that's ok too!

OP, yabu, as explained by pretty much everyone else.

Curlywurly4 · 09/12/2015 20:38

YABU - they are from the grandparents not Santa surely.

AtiaoftheJulii · 09/12/2015 20:40

Suppose you weren't seeing them on Boxing Day or any time soon - presumably there wouldn't be an issue then?

So then they might open them on Christmas day, but hopefully you'd tell them that those presents were from nanny and grandad, not pretend they're from Father Christmas!

BrandNewAndImproved · 09/12/2015 20:40

Is this so they have a big pile which you don't have to pay for?

Pico2 · 09/12/2015 20:41

YABU - if you pretend that those presents are from Father Christmas then your DC won't thank their GPs for them.

My DD is told that Father Christmas can ask others to get things off her list as he cant get everything himself.

NickyEds · 09/12/2015 20:42

How old are your boys? Would they be old enough to understand a knowing nod of the "wait and see what's and Grandma's" variety. Is it too late for you to claim the presents for Santa and the GPs to get them other things. I don't think YABU really because I can imagine your boys opening their presents and not getting everything they asked for but you should really have either got them yourself or told them not to put those things on their list and asked gp for them separately.

Original poster
Kanga59 · 09/12/2015 20:43

No just one each. They each had 4 things on their lists and the GPs have bought one each (3 sets of GPs). Plus the GPs have bought a few extras, because they like to do so. And aunties and uncles are giving them presents when we see them between Xmas and new year.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kanga59 · 09/12/2015 20:44

Sorry the above was in response to another post suggesting that we had bought them loads of stuff and should therefor spread the joy. Hopefully it makes sense...but we have bought our children one present each - a bike and a scooter.

OP posts:
jelliebelly · 09/12/2015 20:44

YABU grandparents should get to see the children open their gifts. Children should understand that a Santa list is suggestions only - they don't get everything on it. Must admit I've always suggested gifts for GPs that I know will wait if necessary.

londonrach · 09/12/2015 20:45

Poor grandparents missing seeing the childrens faces when they open the presents. Yabu

Shemozzle · 09/12/2015 20:45

YABU

If you want all the presents you give to be from FC not you or dad or siblings etc then that's up to you, but to ask everyone else to add to the pile from 'him' is pushing it. If family ever ask what to get my kids I never pick something they are desperate for for this reason. Maybe you've been a bit shortsighted in that respect but you will learn for next year to suggest less important gifts for them to buy.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/12/2015 20:45

YABU

ghnocci · 09/12/2015 20:48

YABU. GPs should be able to see the DCs open the presents they've bought, and the DCs should know they're from them and thank them.

I really don't understand the everything coming from Father Christmas school of thought tbh. Don't DCs wonder why nobody else gets them presents?

Floralnomad · 09/12/2015 20:49

YABU , don't ask because you may guilt them intò agreeing , in future don't get the GPS to buy the 'important' presents .

toopeoply · 09/12/2015 20:49

Yabu. Spread out the gifts and let's your parents see them open them. Santa brings little things, parents and family give the rest

Shemozzle · 09/12/2015 20:49

Ahh, now I've seen your other post that you've only bought them one other present each? That dilemma totally makes more sense now. I'd suggest you buy them some more 'fillers'.

Original poster
Kanga59 · 09/12/2015 20:50

Brandnewandimproved "is this so they have a big pile which you don't have to pay for"

Erm no, quite the opposite actually. We are not materialistic people and are bringing our children up to have gratitude and not greed.

OP posts:
VestalVirgin · 09/12/2015 20:50

I am not sure children actually believe as firmly in Santa as people on mumsnet believe.

So I wouldn't be too worried about the children knowing that the presents are from the grandparents.

But it would be awful if your ds was disappointed spending all Christmas Day thinking he wasn't going to get one of the main things he really wanted from Santa

Actually, I think that is a necessary experience. You don't always get what you want in life, even if you really, really wanted it. The boys better get used to that, or they might grow up to be entitled little shits who can't accept a "no" from a girl they really, really fancy.

If the grandparents arrive with the much-wanted presents later on, the children get to learn how to handle disappointment, AND get to have what they want. I'd say it's the perfect outcome.

cosytoaster · 09/12/2015 20:50

YANBU - lone voice of dissent here, but my kids always got nearly all, if not all their pressies on Xmas day. Didn't occur to anyone to hold them back so they could watch them being opened.

Floggingmolly · 09/12/2015 20:51

They will not be delivered by Santa Hmm. The unutterable cheek of you to allow your parents to shell out for gifts to put under the tree from Santa.
I've never heard the bloody like!
We have bought our children one present each. So that's all they'll get, then - from Santa.

Battleshiphips2 · 09/12/2015 20:51

I know my mil loves seeing ds open present so I personally wouldn't want to take that joy away from her. It's part of the fun of being a gp.

AdoraBell · 09/12/2015 20:52

YABU

itsmeohlord · 09/12/2015 20:53

Surely Santa went down the grandparents chimney with the presents for them to open on Boxing Day ......

YABU -the grandparents will understandably want to see their little treasures open the gifts they have purchased.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/12/2015 20:53

We have always done the stocking presents from FC, and the others come from their actual donors. We also do what my parents always did - stockings first thing - to release some of our excitement and give us some things to play with - and the rest of the presents after Christmas dinner (which was at lunch time - it would have been mean to make us wait until late evening -lol), once the washing up was done, and after the Queen's Speech - though we have a light lunch, open presents, watch Her Maj if we remember, and do dinner in the evening. This stretches out the excitement of the presents through the day.

We did once spend Christmas with friends, who opened everything first thing, and it felt as if the best of Christmas was over before lunch (well - I was an acquisitive teenager Xmas Blush).

I know we give gifts to bring pleasure to the recipient, but I think it is only human to want the child to know that you (granny/grandad/whoever) gave the much-desired toy.

Also, having some presents arrive on Boxing Day, with the grandparents, does stretch the pleasure out, and prevents festive overload, where the child has so many new things that they become a bit overwhelmed, and the special gifts get a bit lost in the flood.