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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask grandparents for our childrens Xmas presents to be under our tree, so that they can open them on Xmas morning

193 replies

Kanga59 · 09/12/2015 20:24

Not all of the presents that they have purchased. Just the ones that are on my ds's xmas lists (I have two boys) because these are the ones thatcthey have asked for in their letters to Santa. And I would like the requested presents to be here on Xmas morning as if delivered by Santa.

My OH thinks that his parents would not want to do that because they will like to see the children open their presents when we visit them on Boxing Day.

We haven't asked the grandparents yet as can't decide if it's reasonable to or not. Thoughts?

OP posts:
leaningtoweroflego · 09/12/2015 21:57

balletgirlmum sorry I didn't mean that to come across as a criticism of what you do - if that works for you guys, fine!

In my family, the way we do things, actually asking for presents would be considered a bit off. There's an unspoken rule that you wait till a gift is offered or the giver brings the subject up.

For me, making a point of asking to collect presents would feel grabby and presumptuous to me.

But if your family expect it though, I guess that's not considered rude - it's horses for course isn't it?!

leaningtoweroflego · 09/12/2015 21:57

Brilliant, that's the right solution IMO.

JakeyBurd · 09/12/2015 22:03

You can't take presents from a Grandparent and pass it off as a gift from Santa!? shock That's dishonest and tight.

But telling your kids it's from Santa isn't dishonest? Grin at that logic! And some GPs can more easily afford to be "Santa" than the poor hard-up parents so it's not necessarily "tight", just making sure the children have a good Christmas.

FWIW, our children's grandparents were only too happy to have all the presents under the tree at our house on Christmas morning, as they were just as keen to keep up the Santa illusion as we were. They kept a couple of small things back so that when the children called later in the day there was something else to open "to see their faces". Not once was it a problem so if you feel the GPs need to be persuaded then that might be an angle to take, OP. YANBU, at least until they stop believing in Santa.

JakeyBurd · 09/12/2015 22:04

Oops, see you've got it sorted!

balletgirlmum · 09/12/2015 22:07

Well mil has generally made such a huge song & dance/bombarding me with texts about what the kids want, should she buy x, will this fit etc etc that it's a given that presents will be given!

leaningtoweroflego · 09/12/2015 22:14

"But telling your kids it's from Santa isn't dishonest?"

No, but I'm not at all concerned about hurting Santa's feelings, or the DC's relationship with him!

You don't need to have all the presents from Santa to "keep up the illusion" but if everyone wants to, and it works for you, then great!

Tink06 · 09/12/2015 22:14

In going to go against the grain here. Santa has always delivered all the presents to our house on xmas eve (even the teenagers). Have never even considered anything else. Both sets of Gps visit during the day and see how happy and giddy kids are and get thanke for their gifts santa delivered onb their behalf.

hazeyjane · 09/12/2015 22:19

Hahaha, mine are 9,8 and 5 and still seem to believe, I'm pretty sure dd1 is unsure but still likes the idea and wouldn't want to spoil it for her brother. Mind you dh is adamant that Santa Claus exists (because in an infinite number of universes there are an infinite number of possibilities.....) so really the kids are doomed!

bingisthebest · 09/12/2015 22:22

Yabu. For all the reasons pp have said.

Alicewasinwonderland · 09/12/2015 22:27

dh is adamant that Santa Claus exists

and he is right!

Please tell him to have a word with little George or little Charlotte at school, who keep telling mine that presents are bought and hidden by the parents, and his (George) big brother has shown him where they are hidden...Xmas Sad Xmas Sad Xmas Sad

(not completely random names but completely unrelated to real school!)

cece · 09/12/2015 22:29

In our house FC brings stockings and one main present.

The DC then get a present from us as well. Plus presents from their siblings. Any DGP and aunty/uncle presents arrive whenever we see that person. Presents from friends usually arrive (to us) before Christmas Day but are 'delivered' by Santa along with all the other presents.

2rebecca · 09/12/2015 22:31

YANBU father christmas delivers presents to children on Christmas eve so they are there on Christmas morning when they wake up.
I find adults putting their own desire to see kids open presents ahead of kids having the traditional Christmas extremely selfish. When my kids were small if they were with my ex I gave him their presents.
Their presents are for them, opening them shouldn't be all about the giver.
Fine with birthdays but Christmas is different. it's the one day of the year when small kids should be opening presents on the right day for their families traditions

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/12/2015 22:33

Kanga - as the presents will be there on Christmas Day, will the children be told they are all from FC, or will they be told X is from Grandma and Y is from grandad?

I honestly believe that, if someone has bought your children a gift, the child should know it's from that person, whether the person is there to see them open it or not. It just feels wrong for someone's gift to be appropriated by someone else.

2rebecca · 09/12/2015 22:35

Father christmas didn't buy presents in our family (they come with gift tags) he just delivers them in his sleigh because the postman doesn't do Christmas day.

florentina1 · 09/12/2015 22:39

Because my children do shift work and have other commitments, we don't always see them and the grandchildren on Christmas Day. We always deliver the presents before hand and put them under the tree to be opened on Christmas Day. I don't mind if they are told that they are from Santa.

I think children like to play with their toys straight away and that is not always practical in someone else's house.

Like a lot of things about being a grand parent, we had our turn with our own children. Now it is time to step back and go with what the next generation are happy with.

MidniteScribbler · 09/12/2015 23:02

I think the problem is when people get children to write what they want to Santa and then they expect to get everything on that list delivered from him. It seems a bit Dudley Dursley to me. What if they write that they want a 747, or a horse?

I was always brought up that asking Santa was always just a suggestion. I usually got one or two smaller presents from Santa, then other things from my parents and grandparents. Sometimes they were things on the list, other times they were a complete surprise.

I'd be pretty annoyed if a bought a nice present for a child and the parents told me I had to let Santa get all of the credit.

Musicaltheatremum · 09/12/2015 23:07

Santa also gets confused and delivers to the wrong family house sometimes. Hence they can open them there the next morning.

2rebecca · 09/12/2015 23:07

We never wrote to santa. We wrote a list but it was made clear it was a suggestion list for our relatives and had to be affordable. They then put in an order with santa/ father Christmas and if we were good he brought them in his sleigh pulled by Rudlof etc.

Permanentlyexhausted · 09/12/2015 23:39

Santa only delivers useful and stocking filler type presents to our house. The children get very excited over something as simple as a toothbrush and some socks! They usually get a DVD and a book and various other knick-knacks as well.

All other presents are given from whoever bought them. No presents (other than stocking presents) are opened until we all sit down after lunch and open them all together.

Leelu6 · 09/12/2015 23:51

We are not materialistic people and are bringing our children up to have gratitude and not greed.

Are the DC getting a scooter and bike each?

Nottodaythankyouorever · 09/12/2015 23:54

I find adults putting their own desire to see kids open presents ahead of kids having the traditional Christmas extremely selfish

No it isn't at all.

My parents get great pleasure from seeing GC open presents. Nothing wrong with that.

If you want to demand were the presents are at what time then buy them yourself. Wink

BluePancakes · 09/12/2015 23:59

We've just been through this, so I think yanbu to ask, but shouldn't demand.

Bit of background: usually we travel around for a fortnight seeing all our family over Christmas and New year, so the girls have a big pile of presents simply due to having family giving presents on that day. This year, we've moved and want to spend Christmas at home, we invited family and nobody wants to come. Here, FC gives a stocking and everything else is from the people who bought the presents. We asked family if presents could be kept until Christmas Day, but understand if people want to see presents given, so it wasn't a hard and fast rule.

At the risk of outing myself, at the request my dad is now majorly pissed off at me. Not because he wants to see presents being given, because he thinks presents should only be opened on Xmas day. No, he's pissed off because apparently Christmas is "all about the presents" and he totally misunderstood and when off on a major rant about how it's "disgusting" that we're not buying the kids anything [no idea where he got that from] and that we shouldn't be asking the grandparents to buy things to make up for our shortfall(!). I did try and explain that Christmas, for us, is about family rather than presents, and before I could go on to say that we were buying our kids presents as we always do, just the number they'd open on Xmas day would be fewer than usual (because no family are here) my dad butted-in and said that I "shouldn't be imposing [my] ideologies on [my] children". No point arguing if he ain't gonna listen, but at least he agreed that the presents will be saved for christmas.

The rest of the family (my girls have 4 sets of grandparents and 3 sets of great-grandparents) don't have a problem at all with the presents being opened on christmas day. Some are going to have the kids open one present when they visit, and leave the rest for the 25th.

BackforGood · 09/12/2015 23:59

So
AIBU?
3 pages of everyone telling you YABU

OP Replies I agree with the two comments above re it's not about the giver. I think they quick-to-flame replies on the first few pages here are perhaps knee jerk reactions without thinking this situation through

So..... if people don't agree with you, then they've not thought their answers through Hmm

why ask? Confused

polyhymnia · 10/12/2015 00:09

As a GP could I just ask the majority on here who think GPs should have the pleasure of seeing their presents opened what they think in our case. We are having a Christmas meal with DS DDIL and DGC a few days before Christmas. Should we give the gifts then or hand them over to parents to take to DDIL's parents' house, where they'll be spending Christmas Day?
Fwiw, DGC is really too young to make Santa a major consideration in all this - though not too young to enjoy presents!

Leelu6 · 10/12/2015 00:19

I did try and explain that Christmas, for us, is about family rather than presents

This ^, bluepancakes.

There is a world of difference between the comment above and the comment below, from op.

And I would like the requested presents to be here on Xmas morning as if delivered by Santa.