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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to plan on walking out of work at 1.30 on Friday?

500 replies

PennyHasNoSurname · 09/12/2015 06:25

Its my daughters Nativity, her first one.

This week sees the implementation of a project at work that I am massively involved in. All.of my week is spent on training and development and we "go live" Friday.

As soon as I found out the Nativity date I spoke with my line manager about getting away at 1.30 on Friday, for it, and offered to return after it til whenever I was needed. Our industry is 365 days a year, 24 hrs a day. I am rostered to work til 3.30pm.

It was not well received, and I have been told "this really isnt the best week for this" and my direct line manager has cancelled a lunch date with her own friends on that day.

AIBU or WIBU to remain insistant that I need to leave at 1.30, and to feel that my reason is more important than a lunch date with a friend?

WWYD? Would you leave?

Fwiw I would not be leaving the place understaffed, I am surplus this week as dedicated solely to the new project. We also have tech support in all week and they are there Fri purely for troubleshooting after going live.

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 10/12/2015 22:44

I always think that if a boss gives you this, you are more likely to give them your hard work and effort.

I think if you think it's ok to put conditions on whether you give an employer hard work and effort, despite being paid a salary to do a job to the best of your ability, you're probably not the right person to be in the workplace.

LynetteScavo · 10/12/2015 22:46

The just disappearing wouldn't be good, as has been pointed out to the OP.

Which is why, when something is so important to someone the request should be granted.

Some people are lacking in empathy. A client of DH's huffed and puffed when he opted to be with me when I miscarried, despite having the reason explained to them against my wished Angry Luckily his team were incredibly supportive. It's about give and take, and obviously lots of people don't think a fist nativity is a big deal.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 10/12/2015 22:48

If my bins weren't emptied next week and the explanation was "All the bin men have DC in infant school and they wen't to their nativity" I would totally understand.

Likewise Lynette but...

Their manager, if they were worth their salt, would do their job and enable the bins to be collected and for their team to attend the nativity. It's not rocket science.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 10/12/2015 22:49

A gazillion x-posts Blush

HunterHearstHelmsley · 10/12/2015 22:49

It's quite worrying how people think it's just ok to bugger off from work when they fancy. Everyone has priorities. I manage some nightmares but thankfully no one that bad.

SuburbanRhonda · 10/12/2015 22:51

Suppose there aren't enough staff to do the job that's normally done and enable people to go to a nativity play? If it's simply not physically possible, is that still poor management? Hmm

StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2015 22:52

People seem to think that is the full responsibility of the manager.

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 22:54

Shocking attitudes on here by people who think they can walk all over their managers and colleagues and then scream 'family unfriendly ' when called on it. They do a huge disservice to other working mothers and all those who fought so hard for fair work life balance policies.

Floggingmolly · 10/12/2015 22:57

If your manager has the time to feck around doing your job whenever you feel like popping out for the afternoon, either they are considerably underemployed and your position is very vulnerable as it could easily be absorbed by said manager, or you have a non job in which case it's probably best not to draw attention to how expendable you are.

That's not rocket science either.

StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2015 23:00

Bit surely people just get paid out of kindness. And for fun. The line managers have an army of droids to do the actual work because you can't expect people to do that when they have other stuff they could be doing.
until they post about their "very senior and important" job on here

LynetteScavo · 10/12/2015 23:09

Twice I've had to spend the morning working with people in tears, and barely doing their job because they weren't allowed time off to take their DC to school on their first day.

I can see why the manager made that call, but really, the sky wouldn't have fallen in if my colleague had come to work 30 mins later than normal.

LynetteScavo · 10/12/2015 23:13

And a big thumbs up to PennyHasNoSurname DH's HT, who has seen fit to allow him to take the morning off.

I bet he gives back massively, and the whole school will be better off in the long term for this decision.

Floggingmolly · 10/12/2015 23:16

the whole school will be better off in the long term for this decision
What the hell are you on, Lynette? Something mind altering, for sure.

Dancergirl · 10/12/2015 23:17

Really, it is just a school nativity play. There will be others. Endlessly

I very much doubt if a 4 year old sees it that way when they are looking out for their parent in the sea of faces.

Look, missing things when you're a working parent is sometimes unavoidable. But it's this indifference that bothers me - it doesn't matter, it's only a play, they'll be hundreds more, they'll get over it etc. It's these little things that really matter and are remembered by children....far more than expensive presents or big days out. If it really is impossible to go, be sensitive to their feelings.

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 23:17

Lunettes flexibility works both ways. On this occasion the team need the op to be there. If she lets them down why should she expect any respect or flexibility from them in future?

LeaLeander · 10/12/2015 23:20

"I think if you think it's ok to put conditions on whether you give an employer hard work and effort, despite being paid a salary to do a job to the best of your ability, you're probably not the right person to be in the workplace."

Exactly. If people who think so lightly of missing work had their pay docked arbitrarily from time to time they would be outraged. But they have no problem shorting their employers on time and/or effort according to their personal whims, and are indignant when the repercussions for doing so are explained to them. Bizarre and so tiresome. Whatever happened to a work ethic?

As the global population continues to burgeon, excess human labor capacity is growing apace and the clout of the average worker declining with every passing year. I fear that those who think work-life balance is going to get any easier are in for a rude awakening. When there are thousands ready and willing to take your place, you are not indispensable.

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 23:23

Dancer I think people are just trying to reassure the op that it won't be the worst thing the in the world if she can't go and there'll be other events. They're being a lot more sensitive than the people saying oh you have to go, she'll remember if you don't, nothing is more important etc

LynetteScavo · 10/12/2015 23:30

I'm in nothing, Floggingmolly. My mind always works this way.

LynetteScavo · 10/12/2015 23:34

I wonder what TAs think? Maybe I am talking nonsense.

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 23:46

Why should TAs have a particular view on this?

CandyCaneCottage · 11/12/2015 02:50

sorry haven't read the full thread yet, but currently i'm reading a discussion about work life balance and negatively affecting women, it isn't that its biased against women, it's that in the working world especially days where a big project is going live, its generally common sense that you shouldn't just go missing, and if its women that are seeking this time off its not biased against women, its that its mostly women asking for these kind of days or allowances.

its not discrimination or bias to expect the same from men and women, and you apply for a job and should know the responsbilities and your capability, its not down to the job to be flexible to your needs, yes it can be but its not necessary.

and if anyone asks why is it women that want these days off? i can't answer that but its not the husbands or partners or whatever making them, especially in this case.

LynetteScavo · 11/12/2015 06:16

Daisybear....because the OPs DH is a TA....he is the one who has been given time off. My money is on him now feeling positive about his work life balance, and prepared to give even more of himself to the job. It's simple psychology.

But some posters seem to think I must be on drugs to hold that view Hmm

LynetteScavo · 11/12/2015 06:26

Candy, in this case the DH did ask for time off, and it was granted. Smile

I am never, ever allowed time off for such things where I work now, luckily DH is often able to organise things so he can be there. I think the more senior you are in an organisation the easier it is to do so. My boss has told me she would never miss her DCs performances. That stung somewhat.

DoreenLethal · 11/12/2015 06:30

Candy, in this case the DH did ask for time off, and it was granted.

The DH asked for time off when the DW was told she couldn't go. It is automatically the default for the wife to have time off rather than the husband. The reason she couldn't go is that it is the go live day for her major project. Not because the boss is being unreasonable and she herself had already cancelled something to be there.

Shutthatdoor · 11/12/2015 06:37

It's about give and take, and obviously lots of people don't think a fist nativity is a big deal.

Well that works both ways. Some seem to think it is only the employer that should be flexible.