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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to plan on walking out of work at 1.30 on Friday?

500 replies

PennyHasNoSurname · 09/12/2015 06:25

Its my daughters Nativity, her first one.

This week sees the implementation of a project at work that I am massively involved in. All.of my week is spent on training and development and we "go live" Friday.

As soon as I found out the Nativity date I spoke with my line manager about getting away at 1.30 on Friday, for it, and offered to return after it til whenever I was needed. Our industry is 365 days a year, 24 hrs a day. I am rostered to work til 3.30pm.

It was not well received, and I have been told "this really isnt the best week for this" and my direct line manager has cancelled a lunch date with her own friends on that day.

AIBU or WIBU to remain insistant that I need to leave at 1.30, and to feel that my reason is more important than a lunch date with a friend?

WWYD? Would you leave?

Fwiw I would not be leaving the place understaffed, I am surplus this week as dedicated solely to the new project. We also have tech support in all week and they are there Fri purely for troubleshooting after going live.

OP posts:
Original poster
PennyHasNoSurname · 10/12/2015 20:21

Hi All, sorry for the delay, very long day.

DH is a TA in a school for kids with special needs, and whilst he isnt 1:1, some of the kids are, so really attendance is usually essential. He has had a word with his Headmaster today who has permitted him to take a half day tomorrow so he can now certainly go.

This is such a relief to me that DD will have one parent there.

I am able and willing work for a good four hours plus after the Nativity if necessary,so hopefully this will appeal to my manager.

Time will tell and unfortunately I wont know either way what is going to happen until tomorrow.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 10/12/2015 20:23

Reception Nativity Tops Trumps everything.

Yes, you would be mad to leave at 1.30pm without it being granted. Therefore you need to be very ill for the next two days.

I once thought I had to be at work on a particular day. My then Y2 DDs school were doing nativity performances on two days, so I asked for time off on the day I didn't need to be there. That was the day DD wasn't doing her solo. So I got to see the performance, but with another child singing the Angel Gabriel solo.

I regret it hugely and wish I'd had the balls to ask for the time off. It turns out I didn't actually need to be in work for that morning anyway as there were two other people who could have covered for me.

Nothing Top Trumps the Reception Nativity.

But if you really can't go send someone else to grin and wave.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 10/12/2015 20:24

Penny

Glad you have a solution. It is fab that your DH can go.
I hope you can go, but just be cool and calm if you can't.
You'll go next time. All the best

MMCQ · 10/12/2015 20:26

Take the time to see your child's nativity. Organise your work around it.
I would think something unspeakable about a manager who believes you are indispensable for a couple of measly hours. Really? I mean really?
How in Gods name would they cope if you went under a bus?? Nobody is indispensable. And everyone is entitled to work flexibly - the managers who cannot work around this do not deserve the job because they simply won't get the best out of their team.

BondJayneBond · 10/12/2015 20:27

Glad to hear that your DH can go to the nativity.

LynetteScavo · 10/12/2015 20:40

Yay! Glad your DH can go.

I would forever hold a grudge against a manager who didn't let me go.

LynetteScavo · 10/12/2015 20:40

I'm not suggesting you do that, OP. It's not a good way to live. Grin

Original poster
PennyHasNoSurname · 10/12/2015 20:52

Lynette I fear that happening Grin

OP posts:
Shutthatdoor · 10/12/2015 21:02

And everyone is entitled to work flexibly - the managers who cannot work around this do not deserve the job because they simply won't get the best out of their team.

So a manager should just say yes to everyone and everything then no matter how it may affect the business?

Back in the real world.....!

OP glad your DH can go

Nottodaythankyouorever · 10/12/2015 21:04

Reception Nativity Tops Trumps everything

I really hope you aren't being serious! Hmm

LynetteScavo · 10/12/2015 21:26

100% serious when it comes to work.

If my bins weren't emptied next week and the explanation was "All the bin men have DC in infant school and they wen't to their nativity" I would totally understand.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 10/12/2015 21:31

Where does that end though.

Very unfair to those that don't have children, but equally important things going on in their lives.

Children and nativity plays don't trump all other employees whose lives are equally important.

StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2015 21:34

" I would think something unspeakable about a manager who believes you are indispensable for a couple of measly hours. Really? I mean really?
How in Gods name would they cope if you went under a bus?? Nobody is indispensable. And everyone is entitled to work flexibly - the managers who cannot work around this do not deserve the job because they simply won't get the best out of their team."

Maybe the manager could just decide they had a pesonal errand more important to do than deal with all their staff going off on a whim and then it would be up to their manager to deal with. ..and so on and so on. Maybe the op manages staff.
at what level are people expected to take somedamn professional responsibility. Your line manager can't wave a magic wand and make all problems go away. Much like hr can't wade into workplace spats and tell everyone to make friends.
I honestly think some people don't realise work isn't school. Even people who aren't heart surgeons can have crucial, time specific jobs. And at some level someone has to take responsibility for delivering like a proper grown up instead of just deciding it's not their responsibility and passing the buck up.

teacherwith2kids · 10/12/2015 21:35

"Reception Nativity Tops Trumps everything"

Safety of other children? Performing a time-critical life-saving operation? A relative's funeral?

Nah, sorry.

LynetteScavo · 10/12/2015 21:51

A one time only chance to collect a check for £100,000000? The fact you are on a life support machine?....how silly do you want to get here?

Managers need to realise their to their staff a nativity play can be really important.

And tbh, if the relative was that close, I'd take the child to the funeral, rather than the nativity, but know from MN many disagree, and this thread isn't about that.

It's about a small child wanting someone important in their lives see them dress up and sing at school.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/12/2015 21:52

"Reception Nativity Tops Trumps everything"

I was told something similar when I booked a day off for the boiler in the house to be replaced.

When I worked contracts they explicitly stated that all people involved where not to have time off on the launch day of a project (I expect due to things like this happening) except for exceptional circumstances (and we still had people ring in "sick").

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 22:20

The level of self entitlement, lack of regard for others, and nastiness towards managers trying to keep a project on track and be fair to an entire team is quite shocking. And the person who posted that reception nativity top trumps everything sounds totally lacking in empathy or compassion.

jellybaby49 · 10/12/2015 22:21

I would definitely do my best to go. I would be devastated to miss it.

LocatingLocatingLocating · 10/12/2015 22:25

I always try to manage things so that my staff can attend important events. And most of the time this can be achieved. However if/when there is a reason for this not being possible, I would be RAGING if someone lied and pulled a sickie. That persons card would be marked AFAIC.

Louise43210 · 10/12/2015 22:29

Thankfully and rightly my boss always insists that if workers want to see a sports day or concert, she would like us to go as the children are only little for a short time. I always think that if a boss gives you this, you are more likely to give them your hard work and effort. So it's a win all around.

HandsomeGroomGiveHerRoom · 10/12/2015 22:30

I've read precisely zero responses to the op, but I'm struggling to think of many things more short-sighted, twattish and weak than refusing leave for a parent to attend something that's a big (and rare) deal to them.

If I did that, my stakeholders would quite rightly think I was a cock.

LynetteScavo · 10/12/2015 22:32

And the person who posted that reception nativity top trumps everything sounds totally lacking in empathy or compassion.

That was me, Daisysbear.

I've PMed you.

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 22:33

Imagine the Aibu from the manager

I manage a large team who have been working on an important project for the last couple of years. I have always tried to be flexible and understanding about problems and pressures in their outside lives. This project went live last Friday. A key member of the team had asked for time off for her child's nativity play. I explained it was a

Daisysbear · 10/12/2015 22:35

Really difficult request but she just ignored me and disappeared. We really needed her and the team felt very let down. Aibu to feel I ca never trust her again?

LynetteScavo · 10/12/2015 22:38

I always think that if a boss gives you this, you are more likely to give them your hard work and effort.

That is so true, IME.

And yes, they are only tiny for a few years. This is my last year of primary school things like "star of the week" and Christmas performances. I have another 25 working years ahead of me without such commitments where I will gladly cover for someone who wants/needs to be there for their young child.